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Original poster

Partner won’t shower

143 replies

TinselandWine41 · 17/01/2019 17:07

I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly three years; been living together for 2. He’s lovely, supportive, etc... overall no issues in our relationship. Love him to bits. However, his hygiene is just... well.

I’ve known him to go up to a week or longer without having a shower. I’m sure most nights he doesn’t brush his teeth. Funnily enough, he doesn’t really smell. Unless I’m “noseblind”. I usually approach the subject by jokingly telling him how flabbergasted I am that he’s not showered in days and doesn’t smell. As a way of hinting. Occasionally, I’ve tried to gently explain that he needs to shower more; to think of those nooks and crannies... Confused sorry for tmi. He always tells me he was going to, then forgets... don’t know how one couldn “forget”. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the house if I hadn’t showered in 2 days, nevermind a week!

I can completely understand that he might be someone who doesn’t need to shower every day. That’s fine. But I think he should every other day, at least. Even though he doesn’t usually smell, it’s the idea of him going so long without washing that’s quite off-putting. Do I need to approach this differently? I’d feel awful to shame him about it (as I’ve seen people suggest before) - to me that’s just nasty. How can I be more to the point whilst still being tactful?

OP posts:
Gardai · 17/01/2019 17:10

I’d refuse to share a bed with someone who didn’t wash - no way.
You just have to tell him, he’s a grown up after all.

YetAnotherUser · 17/01/2019 17:11

How often do you change his straw?

Adora10 · 17/01/2019 17:12

He must smell OP, men sweat more as well and emanate a stronger BO; sorry but you are going to have to spell it out to him; he's basically lazy and doesn't care enough to want to smell good for himself or you.

You don't want to shame him but he is quite happy to expect you to sleep with him when he's dirty and smelly.

PerverseConverse · 17/01/2019 17:14

Ugh. Does he expect you to be intimate when he's unwashed? 🤮

Gardai · 17/01/2019 17:15

Yeah this is what gets me with these threads (sorry op but they crop up occasionally) - it’s disrespectful to inflict your lack of washing on a partner. Bed linen must need washed more often too and they expect you to put up with their laziness - how’s that a good attitude?

gamerchick · 17/01/2019 17:15

He might not smell but he'll still have a dirty arse and knob cheese.

I couldn't me. I'd have fishwifed a long time ago.

Tunnocks34 · 17/01/2019 17:16

I wouldn’t touch a willy that hadn’t been washed for a week! Maybe try that tactic!

Zoflorabore · 17/01/2019 17:19

well gamerchick said it a bit blunter than I would have done but she is spot onWink

Please tell me you don't sleep with a man who hasn't showered for a week, that's vile.
You will be dirty be default.

If he's not taking subtle hints then he needs to be shamed.
Unless he is severely depressed there's no excuse for this. Would put me off any man regardless of how wonderful he was in other ways.

NotTheFordType · 17/01/2019 17:20

Does he smell though? Is he dirty? Does he have dirty fingernails, greasy hair?

If he doesn't then honestly what's the problem? Why waste water if you're not dirty? It's like people who get a wine glass out of the cabinet, it's pristine, then they rinse it out anyway.

When I was a nipper we got a bath and hair wash every fortnight and that was considered more than sufficient.

Original poster
TinselandWine41 · 17/01/2019 17:20

It’s odd, as I’m quite sensitive to unpleasant smells, and really don’t find he does; at least not as much as I’d expect. He probably masks it with bodyspray, anyway. I’m probably too soft about it - I feel bad about making him feel bad. But as pp pointed out, I share a bed with him, and it’s not pleasant to think about.

OP posts:
Ethel36 · 17/01/2019 17:22

My brother refused to wash more than once a week on a Sunday! When he lived with our parents he used to stink of BO. It was disgusting. Think you should remind him nicely to have a shower like you would your children!

NotTheFordType · 17/01/2019 17:22

I await the flambe with bated breath, I could do with a barbecue in this weather :D

PositiveVibez · 17/01/2019 17:22

Do you have sex with him? His nethers must be so unpleasant.

RandomWok · 17/01/2019 17:23

I had a scummy cunt boyfriend he is now a partially reformed husband.. I make him lush baths. With candles, laptop that kind of shit. Also means that I get a bath run when I want as it's only fair.

Zoflorabore · 17/01/2019 17:23

To be honest Tinsel you're probably just used to it.
I'm sorry but the pp who said that there's no point washing if you're not dirty ( ford i think ) is deluded if they think that a shower or bath lasts forever. People get dirty and smelly every single day. Those who actually believe they don't must be living in cloud cuckoo land.

Gardai · 17/01/2019 17:23

Scrub him down with zoflora once a week
Problem sorted

Original poster
TinselandWine41 · 17/01/2019 17:24

@gamerchick

The pyjama bottoms and pants are the things that end up with a smell. That’s all I’ll say.... Envy (not envy)

@Zoflorabore
No, usually I’m too busy/tired to be intimate through the week anyway, but he tends to shower more on weekends. So it’s been avoided by chance, really.

OP posts:
Original poster
TinselandWine41 · 17/01/2019 17:28

I may well be used to it, who knows! He’s genuinely not very sweaty, unless he’s been doing DIY in the summer or something! So he could quite easily get away with not showering every day. But more than that I think is gross - the nethers should definitely be washed frequently!

OP posts:
CantWaitToRetire · 17/01/2019 17:28

So a week of weeing and pooing with little more than a tissue wipe, and that's going on your sheets every night. Sorry to be blunt but that's really not nice. I can't believe his breath doesn't smell either if he's not brushing his teeth regularly.

PixieCutRegret · 17/01/2019 17:29

I had an ex like this (part of the reason why he is an ex) when we broke up, I had a couple of family members tell me how badly he stank, I was noseblind. Is there anyone you could ask to tell you truthfully?

To be honest people like that can only change thier habits if they want to for themselves. My ex cleaned up his act to try to win me back, but of course it didn't last.

DH showers every day at least, it's basic manners to be clean if you want to sleep with somebody.

dartitus · 17/01/2019 17:30

I’m sorry but that’s so gross. Even if I’ve just sat in the house all day I’ll still shower in the evening, it’s the thought of getting in to bed (we sleep naked and yes I change the bedding more often because of this) knowing my nooks and crannies probably do smell even though I’ve done nothing all day.

Original poster
TinselandWine41 · 17/01/2019 17:31

I think I need to start pointing out the pp about the dirtiness getting on the sheets... particularly thinking of the poo and wee - eww!
I’ve obviously fallen in the trap of being too nonchalant because I love him. You’re far less judgey when it’s someone you care about, but it’s an issue nonetheless

OP posts:
PixieCutRegret · 17/01/2019 17:34

That was my problem op, I loved him but I wanted kids and couldnt imagine having to force a grown man into the shower after washing a couple of soap dodging kids!

Aquamarine1029 · 17/01/2019 17:37

This is simply vile and you shouldn't stand for it. This would be a deal breaker for me.

lolaflores · 17/01/2019 17:44

Isn't there some mechanism that .makes a lovers "scent" attractive and alluring...till you fall out of live a d then he is just some smelly bugger and you ask yourself why?