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Original poster

New man very different views on sex and male friends

239 replies

GreenyBlueEyes · 15/01/2019 16:04

Hi all!

I have met a new man through OLD, he's handsome, hardworking and kind and we've been dating about 3 months now. I'm a bit unsure how to proceed as we have very different views on a few things and I wonder if it will develop into a problem.

He wanted to be exclusive very quickly as he did not want us dating other people. I agreed to this as I liked him but am not so sure if he is too possessive.

So, i have equal numbers of male and female friends but probably socialise with women slightly more often overall. New guy has no issue with me seeing female pals and has female friends himself.

However, he is very uncomfortable with me seeing male friends and has said that he does not want me discussing anything at all to do with sex with any other men at any point.

Whilst I do not discuss my/ our sex life with male friends (or female, really), or wish for sex to be the main topic of conversation with any friend, I would not demur if one of them told me a rude joke or anecdote, or wanted to discuss sex in a less personal way, such as politically- say, about prostitution laws, to name a recent discussion.

I repeated a brief funny story one of my male friends told me about buying a mate a rude Christmas present as a joke and it led to a huge argument as new guy felt that was not a suitable topic for me to be discussing with another man (it was literally that my friend wrapped up a box of condoms for a secret Santa for someone who found it funny, no further sexual detail. Yes, a bit immature but just a joke).

He also got upset when a male friend who lives some distance away skyped me to tell me about his new job offer. Apparently a man would not video call an unrelated woman unless they have been led on sexually.

Is it normal for a man to be this uncomfortable with a partner having male friends? Also do other women rule out sex as a conversation topic entirely out of 'respect' for their partner? I'm not talking about sexting or chatting in a titillating way which of course i would not do with friends. Hopefully I don't sound as though I never shut up about sex, just trying to think of some examples where it might come up in conversation.

He was also in a bad mood last night which I had to jolly him out of because I met a male friend for an hour for a coffee after work. New guy was annoyed that I didn't text him back during part of this hour (not deliberate, I just didn't hear my phone).

We are from different cultures so I'm not sure if that might explain part of the differing views. I suppose I'm wondering if it's me that's in the wrong here. I suppose I am quite liberal and not easily shocked but maybe that's a bit weird? I don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenyBlueEyes · 15/01/2019 16:05

I told him beforehand about the coffee last night, didn't just disappear.

OP posts:
Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 15/01/2019 16:08

Not a good sign at all.

SeeMoreStars · 15/01/2019 16:09

RUN

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 15/01/2019 16:10

Red flags all over.

Tractortod · 15/01/2019 16:10

Fucking hell. RUN

tubspreciousthings · 15/01/2019 16:11

It's a red flag for me. Sounds controlling - he can see friends of the opposite sex but you can't? No future in this imo

Stardustinmyeyes · 15/01/2019 16:12

My advice would be to run away now, as fast as you can.
The comment about the SKYPE call would have been enough for me.
Saying that you are leading a friend on sexually is a massive red flag as to how he sees women. They're there for sex and nothing else.
Also under no circumstances should you have to jolly someone out of a bad mood because you've been for a coffee with a man. >>>>>>>>> the hills are that way op run

SeeMoreStars · 15/01/2019 16:12

Seriously 3 months in and he's showing he wants to control your interaction with men who were around before he was on the scene and will be after you've booted him out of your life. Get some boundaries. This one's got more red flags than a Communist Party conference.

Stardustinmyeyes · 15/01/2019 16:13

Cross post but I think I'm right

GraceMarks · 15/01/2019 16:13

Why is it OK for him to have female friends but not OK for you to have male ones? He is jealous and controlling and this will eventually end in tears - yours, to be precise.

AppleBlossomArseCheeks · 15/01/2019 16:14

This will only be the start of it, get rid

Ncforthisthing · 15/01/2019 16:14

Leave.

Massive hypocritical bellend.

Lacypants · 15/01/2019 16:15

Dump. Immediately. By text preferably and then don't engage in a conversation about it. I think he would either turn nasty or manipulate the situation to make it seem like you are in the wrong.
If you stick with him next it will be that you can't have male friends as they can't be trusted not to make sex jokes, then you can't be friends with women because they are single / talk about sex / see him for the piece of shit he is. If he's controlling and possessive now, on his start of relationship best behaviour, how bad will he be when he's relaxed into it? Nope. Nope right out of it all asap.

rebelrosie12 · 15/01/2019 16:15

Run a mile.

MMmomDD · 15/01/2019 16:17

It will only get worse. His possessiveness is driven by some deep insecurities and lack of respect for women. I think he thinks a woman can be lead astray by a man talking to her about things sexual. As a weak creature she can’t resist.

Cut your losses and go

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 15/01/2019 16:17

Controlling dickhead alert!! Please take the advice of pp and RUN!

LongDiscoClara · 15/01/2019 16:17

Run like fuck.

Omzlas · 15/01/2019 16:18

Nope, nope, nope

Maybe cultural differences would explain it but can you honestly live your life like that? (I speak as someone whose DH husband is from another culture, one whereby women don't socialise with men unless they're related and sometimes even then it's with a chaperone present)

My DH had spent a good few years in the UK before we met, so many of his ingrained beliefs had already been challenged and actually changed, therefore weren't an issue when it came to my male (and maybe surprisingly, gay/bi female) friends.
Your post just screams "RUN" to me though. He can socialise with women but you can socialise with men? Erm, no.

user1486250399 · 15/01/2019 16:19

Bloody hell. Controlling misogynist. This isn't going to end well.

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!

ShinyRuby · 15/01/2019 16:21

Sorry but the fact that you're having to 'jolly him out of' bad moods is enough of a bad sign. He's sulking & you're trying to make everything ok when you've done NOTHING wrong. You don't want to be doing this for the rest of your time together & it sounds like he'll definitely let you. It'll wear you down & change what sounds like a lovely, friendly personality. You're worth more.

RiverTam · 15/01/2019 16:22

cheerio, jealous controlling man!

Sandbox · 15/01/2019 16:23

Get out while you can

Needsmorebeans · 15/01/2019 16:26

He's jealous and controlling. IME if you modify your perfectly reasonable behaviour he will find some other aspect of your behaviour or appearance and try to control that. I would get out

OopsInamechangedagain · 15/01/2019 16:26

Run, it'll only get worse. Soon you'll be banned from having female friends too because he alone ought to be enough for you.

EhlanaOfElenia · 15/01/2019 16:30

Get out as fast as you possibly can!!!

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