New man very different views on sex and male friends

[GreenyBlueEyes]

Hi all!

I have met a new man through OLD, he's handsome, hardworking and kind and we've been dating about 3 months now. I'm a bit unsure how to proceed as we have very different views on a few things and I wonder if it will develop into a problem.

He wanted to be exclusive very quickly as he did not want us dating other people. I agreed to this as I liked him but am not so sure if he is too possessive.

So, i have equal numbers of male and female friends but probably socialise with women slightly more often overall. New guy has no issue with me seeing female pals and has female friends himself.

However, he is very uncomfortable with me seeing male friends and has said that he does not want me discussing anything at all to do with sex with any other men at any point.

Whilst I do not discuss my/ our sex life with male friends (or female, really), or wish for sex to be the main topic of conversation with any friend, I would not demur if one of them told me a rude joke or anecdote, or wanted to discuss sex in a less personal way, such as politically- say, about prostitution laws, to name a recent discussion.

I repeated a brief funny story one of my male friends told me about buying a mate a rude Christmas present as a joke and it led to a huge argument as new guy felt that was not a suitable topic for me to be discussing with another man (it was literally that my friend wrapped up a box of condoms for a secret Santa for someone who found it funny, no further sexual detail. Yes, a bit immature but just a joke).

He also got upset when a male friend who lives some distance away skyped me to tell me about his new job offer. Apparently a man would not video call an unrelated woman unless they have been led on sexually.

Is it normal for a man to be this uncomfortable with a partner having male friends? Also do other women rule out sex as a conversation topic entirely out of 'respect' for their partner? I'm not talking about sexting or chatting in a titillating way which of course i would not do with friends. Hopefully I don't sound as though I never shut up about sex, just trying to think of some examples where it might come up in conversation.

He was also in a bad mood last night which I had to jolly him out of because I met a male friend for an hour for a coffee after work. New guy was annoyed that I didn't text him back during part of this hour (not deliberate, I just didn't hear my phone).

We are from different cultures so I'm not sure if that might explain part of the differing views. I suppose I'm wondering if it's me that's in the wrong here. I suppose I am quite liberal and not easily shocked but maybe that's a bit weird? I don't know.

Ruuuuuuunnnnnnn!!

Honestly, you're only three months in and I'm sure you feel worn down already, which isn't normal. His attitude is horrid and you'll feel lighter cutting him out of your life.

You'll find someone new - don't worry about that

I get why you're unsure, I wouldn't like the controlling nature of the whole thing. I mean, I understand why he wouldn't want me to discuss our sex life, but ANYTHING remotely related to sex? It's not like saying something to do with sex to a man makes them ravage us....

It's just strange and controlling and I wouldn't like being controlled to that extent.

I'd bin him off before he tries to stop you doing other things

Fuck that op.

Kelly him out of it, oh you poor thing. I did that shit for 15 years.

Run like fuck.

< passes trainers > run !

Dump him. This is going to end very very badly for you.

He's totally overreacting!

He's deeply insecure.

Not an attractive quality in any man, no matter how handsome they are.

Agree dump.

Out of interest what's his cultural background?

Don't get into a debate when ending it.
Simply say "this isn't working for me" "We're not compatible and have different views on a number of issues"

Tell him "Best of luck for the future" Bye.

Dont get drawn into it. Text him if you think you'll get drawn in.

I'm so fucking tired of men citing cultural background as an excuse for abusive controlling behaviour. Every culture with men in it, has controlling assholes. It's a patriarchy problem, not a culture problem.

Sure, he might be culturally different to you.

That's not a free pass to trample all over your wishes, change your normal social behaviour or purge half your friends list because they have a penis. It's also not a license to lay down rules and sulk/strop if you break them.

Leave.

Put your trainers on and RUN!!! You're 12 weeks in. 12 weeks. Cut your losses.

First red flag was pressing you into exclusivity so quickly.

Then the red flags just keep a-coming - it's red bunting now!

RUN!!!

Apparently a man would not video call an unrelated woman unless they have been led on sexually.

Run. Honestly, just run.

bad mood last night which I had to jolly him out of because

You really do not have to jolly him out of anything. Oh, just run.

You really don't owe him a phone call to say its over. Message (and tell him why) then block.

Congratulations m you have dodged a bullet

Run. Run for the hills and don't look back.

You've only known him a few weeks and already he's telling you who you may see and what you should be thinking. This will get exponentially worse if you continue to see him.

It didn't surprise me that he is from another culture, but just because he is, it doesn't mean that you have to conform and be bound by his cultural norms.

Nope, nope, nope.

Possessive and controlling.

Run a mile!!

You have your life and friends and a partner compliments that, not hinders it.

See them hills over there, get to them. Stat!

Take some advice from someone who found themselves in a relationship that started like this. Started like this but ended with me being the subject of abuse so bad I ended up battered black and blue. Run for the hills, fast and don't look back.
He is already:
Controlling your relationships
Monitoring your friendships
Policing your private conversations
Conditioning you to adjust your behaviours to avoid his bad moods
Making you doubt yourself and question yourself
Showing extreme signs of irrational jealousy
The fact that you are already on a forum asking if it's your fault speaks volumes.
My Mum warned me about 6 weeks into my relationship, that if I stayed within 6 months he would be controlling where I went, what I though, how I dressed, the way I spoke, who I was friends with and where I went. She was right.
This relations hip isn't healthy, he isn't kind. Stay and you will be making the worst mistake of your mind. So if that's the choice you make buckle up, you're in for one shit ride to hell and back.
I wouldn't even explain. I would end it quickly and without too much information then block him on everything and ignore him. If you try to be kind about it I am in no doubt he will harass You, question You, blame you, verbally abuse you and then he will switch and be as nice as pie. This pattern will go round and round until you don't know down from up. You think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. This man will offer you nothing but pain and heartbreak.

Shit! If he's like this after three months, god only knows how he'd be a few years down the line. There is no way you should be arguing at this stage, let alone explaining your every move. Listen to the sound advice on here: end it and quick. He sounds very controlling indeed.

Two words: GET OUT!!!!

Too much!!! My ex was very similar and as time went on it got worse in all aspects of life including what job I did and what car I purchased!!!

I only have one close male friend, I would like to add he is gay (not that it should make a difference) and was told I couldn’t go meet him for coffee.

He also kept his female friend from me, told me about her at the start then pretended they fell out because he didn’t think I’d agree with him having a friend of the opposite sex when I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to.

This man was also caring, handsome, hardworking etc etc and a perfect tick list for me but the gradual possession and control which slooooowly crept in was far too much for my mental health.

Just don’t go there and get out whilst you can. I wouldn’t wish the situation on anyone.

Fucking hell!! You need to get rid of him ASAP!!! If he's like that so early on, what the hell is he going to be like later in the relationship? I was with a controlling cunt for years, but didn't realise the signs until it was too late. Get out now. It will only be harder to leave the longer you stay.

He doesn't deserve a phone call or face to face meeting. Send him a text, then block him on everything.

You're totally doing the right thing to be finishing with this man. There are definitely red flags all over the place here. Dump him by text or email and then block him.

Universal vote for he is an abuser. I would even end it by phone. A text would be safer.

Just curious as to what culture he is from?

Get rid of him. Just because he is from a different culture does not mean you have to conform to his medieval beliefs.
If you stay with him it absolutely will get worse.
I think he is also testing how far he can push you so that he can "mould" you into what he wants. Massive red flags here

I can only agree with what has already been said. The red flags are billowing in the breeze. Things will only get worse, a lot worse. Just say by text or email or letter or however you wish that you no longer want to see him any more as you are not happy when you see him. That's it. Don't apologize, don't explain. Your feelings matter and if he doesn't care about them well that says it all.

Run like the wind!