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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New man very different views on sex and male friends

239 replies

GreenyBlueEyes · 15/01/2019 16:04

Hi all!

I have met a new man through OLD, he's handsome, hardworking and kind and we've been dating about 3 months now. I'm a bit unsure how to proceed as we have very different views on a few things and I wonder if it will develop into a problem.

He wanted to be exclusive very quickly as he did not want us dating other people. I agreed to this as I liked him but am not so sure if he is too possessive.

So, i have equal numbers of male and female friends but probably socialise with women slightly more often overall. New guy has no issue with me seeing female pals and has female friends himself.

However, he is very uncomfortable with me seeing male friends and has said that he does not want me discussing anything at all to do with sex with any other men at any point.

Whilst I do not discuss my/ our sex life with male friends (or female, really), or wish for sex to be the main topic of conversation with any friend, I would not demur if one of them told me a rude joke or anecdote, or wanted to discuss sex in a less personal way, such as politically- say, about prostitution laws, to name a recent discussion.

I repeated a brief funny story one of my male friends told me about buying a mate a rude Christmas present as a joke and it led to a huge argument as new guy felt that was not a suitable topic for me to be discussing with another man (it was literally that my friend wrapped up a box of condoms for a secret Santa for someone who found it funny, no further sexual detail. Yes, a bit immature but just a joke).

He also got upset when a male friend who lives some distance away skyped me to tell me about his new job offer. Apparently a man would not video call an unrelated woman unless they have been led on sexually.

Is it normal for a man to be this uncomfortable with a partner having male friends? Also do other women rule out sex as a conversation topic entirely out of 'respect' for their partner? I'm not talking about sexting or chatting in a titillating way which of course i would not do with friends. Hopefully I don't sound as though I never shut up about sex, just trying to think of some examples where it might come up in conversation.

He was also in a bad mood last night which I had to jolly him out of because I met a male friend for an hour for a coffee after work. New guy was annoyed that I didn't text him back during part of this hour (not deliberate, I just didn't hear my phone).

We are from different cultures so I'm not sure if that might explain part of the differing views. I suppose I'm wondering if it's me that's in the wrong here. I suppose I am quite liberal and not easily shocked but maybe that's a bit weird? I don't know.

OP posts:
twominfromthebeach · 19/01/2019 17:58

Well done OP, you've done the right thing. You deserve so much better. Onwards!

dontfluffthefluffer · 20/01/2019 01:05

Well done OP. Sounds like he has no clue and isn't ready to listen to anything negative about his way of thinking so you're definitely best rid of him.

You've stuck to your own boundaries and that will filter many shitheads out, and quickly, giving you a clear path to meet the right person that compliments you and you them.

It feels like a bummer just now I bet but if he was prepared to guilt trip you and gaslight you on top of the previous mind fuckery and manipulation then I can't imagine how he would be a couple of years down the line with kids and a mortgage.

elle1111112 · 20/01/2019 01:08

OP what culture is he from? I can probably guess

Gina2012 · 20/01/2019 01:43

Seriously 3 months in and he's showing he wants to control your interaction with men who were around before he was on the scene and will be after you've booted him out of your life. Get some boundaries. This one's got more red flags than a Communist Party conference.

This

And definitely get some boundaries OP. I'm amazed you have to ask. The man is obviously a twat

moredoll · 20/01/2019 01:57

You definitely did the right thing. You will meet someone better, probably when you least expect it.

buckeejit · 20/01/2019 10:10

LTB

SuziQ10 · 20/01/2019 10:13

Of course it's not normal.
He is already showing signs of being possessive and unreasonable.
You've been together a matter of months. Nip this in the bud.

BIWI · 20/01/2019 11:52

Have you bothered to RTFT @SuziQ10? Hmm

SuziQ10 · 20/01/2019 12:45

Oh sorry no I hadn't caught up @BIWI many apologies to you Thanks darling. I meant no offence

GreenyBlueEyes · 20/01/2019 20:53

Feels like such a weight off Grin

OP posts:
GreenyBlueEyes · 20/01/2019 21:28

He got in touch tonight today "there's nobody I wouldn't sleep with". Prick. Blocked.

OP posts:
leonasa · 20/01/2019 21:37

What a twat!! Well, now you truly know you dodged a bullet OP, not only possessive/sexist/controlling but also cruel. Keep him blocked, Thanksfor you

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/01/2019 21:42

Well done OP. He truly is a dick.

VioletBedframe · 20/01/2019 21:46

And now he shows his true abusive colours

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