Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Today's pet hate. When you've been messaging for a little while and you agree to meet for a date on say, Monday. Then a couple of days before the date they go silent. And your polite message asking if the date is still on gets ignored.

This has happened 3 times so far this year. Why not just say I've changed my mind?
I know it's them not me but it's hard not to think I must be doing something wrong that's putting them off.

Myoldbrain it is them , not you . I'm sure this has happened at some time to most of us . It certainly has to me . Yes why can't they be adult ?

rich perhaps I have missed it but have you messaged her and said "can we meet up again ? "

jesuis aw that sounds lovely. How long have you been seeing each other before introducing each other to your kids? My kids are teenagers and it would be so much easier if I could ask Mr S over for dinner/chilling on the sofa occasionally.

flower I’ve just ended things with one iron and stopped chatting to others and come off the apps. I just knew I wanted to. And Me S has already deleted tinder.

Auba, ex's behaviour made me paranoid. I am now paranoid that iron is a set up, and I am angry that I am still being harassed by ex.
I am not hung up on what ex thinks.

MyOld this happens to me a lot, it’s frustrating but I have got used to it, not sure why someone can sound so keen one minute and then vanish.

beyond how did your ex know you’d given her name out? Did your iron contact her? Seems odd behaviour from your iron.

Beyond if I were you I’d let the ex and iron go and move onto something else. There are plenty more people out there and if this is giving you so much grief in the early stages it really isn’t worth it.

Thank you MyOldBrain you definitely made me feel better about ignoring 99% of the messages . I will look into Bumble today, my friend was saying that's slightly better than Tinder in that only women can do the messaging.

I am now having a lovely back and forth with a lawyer who has all his hair and the same hobbies. How not to get over-invested in 1 when there's not many that float your boat! Being on more apps I guess?

So I got a message from Mr Mini last night and I have ignored it, after him turning up uninvited yesterday and the disappointment of him being the size of Danny Divito I feel I’m within my right to ignore?

I don’t think I’m going to be going on any date this week, my Tuesday date has vanished. Valentine’s Day is looming and think it will be another year of receiving no cards.

love you owe him nothing.
single I have found Bumble better than tinder for actual conversations but all of them provide flakes.

I’m nervous today as I’ve sent a couple of messages ending conversations. They aren’t the people for me but I don’t want to be rude and block so hate waiting to see if the response will be respecting my decision or abusive.

I also totally fucked up and had phone sex yesterday with an iron that I actually wanted to build something with. I feel really seedy as it’s not me to do that (was the wine in control) and he’s now not answering. I’m an idiot. Think perhaps as “ok” as I think I am perhaps my boundaries and self recrimination aren’t quite there yet.

notcool, apparently they're friends. I was unaware of this (they're both on Facebook and use it a lot, but not fb friends?), but still don't think I did anything wrong in naming my ex - she wasn't a bloody secret. Anyway, I won't be contacting iron, will see what happens but very wary atm.

My date for tomorrow is now on, we are meeting for breakfast/brunch at a posh pub, I’m skint so I’m secretly hoping he offers to pay. I don’t really know much about this man as we have hardly messaged, it’s going to feel a bit weird but I guess it means there will be more to talk about on the actual date. What should I wear for a breakfast date?

@Lovemusic33 onesie?

Depends on your usual style and what you're comfortable in but I'd personally go with something like jeans, converse and a nice jumper or something?

Love I think it's rude to ignore Mr Mini. You invited him to your house. I get that he turned up hours after you were expecting him but you still then invited him in for a coffee.
Just reply that you don't think you're suited.

For a breakfast date, smart jeans and top/jumper. I hope it goes well and hopefully you have lots to talk about.

Leather I had to send a couple of those messages over the weekend. Chats had started well but started to tail off and it was clear we'd run out of things to say.
I'd rather say 'sorry it's not working' than just disappear. I've been lucky that no one has been abusive about it.

Thanks, I will be going straight from the gym so needs to be something easy to change into, I will go for skinny jeans and a nice jumper I think, I’m more of a Doc Martins girl than converse so will probly wear them? A onesie would be much more comfortable 🤣

Mr Mini was only ever after a FB so I kind of don’t feel guilty for not messaging him, it’s hard to know what to say ‘ your not a suitable FB’?

I am feeling so deflated today and it's really stupid. Ignoring the issue with iron/ex, I have another iron (ms local) who I have tonnes in common with so I should be happy with that. Only tiny problem there is I'm not 100% sure about the attraction, but that will wait until meeting in person as I'm not a big judge on just photos.
Anyway it's just not cheering me up, and it should be.

I was already feeling low before all of the added stress yesterday (I've posted an incredibly condensed version, there is more).

I suppose it depends what he said in his message.
Maybe just said you've changed your mind about having a FB and are taking time out to concentrate on yourself and your family.
Nobody likes being ghosted even if they're just looking for fun

MyOld maybe I can just tell him that I’m not looking for a FWB and would rather date someone who intends to be in a relationship? If he responds with anything else trying to persuade me I will just tell him we are not suited?

Beyond maybe take a breather? I think if you still have issues with a ex it’s probably not a good time to be looking for a relationship?

@Notcoolmum Only 10 weeks which seems crazy, but with smallish kids if we don't do an element of meeting when we've got the kids we'd only see each other once during the week and every other weekend. It's not enough for either of us.

Being able to all have a Saturday out at a local farm, a Sunday roast or going to the beach together means we can both do family things and see each other. We're both agreed that the kids come first, always. His DC live with his ex and he has them 4/14. My ex and I have a similar arrangement but I'm resident parent. I've been very lucky that my DM is an excellent babysitter, but I don't want to take advantage of her long term.

Love sounds reasonable. Just tell then get yourself sorted and prepared for tomorrow's date.

JeSuis sounds lovely. I am a teeny bit jealous - I like an athletic man

I messaged her earlier asking her if she fancied meeting up in the week.

Message read a couple of hours ago but no response, not looking promising really.

New thread
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