Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Oooh new thread. I'd only just caught up with the updates on the old one having not checked in since Xmas week.

I appear to be on the smitten bench (but am only whispering that as don't want to jinx it) with Mr PhD. 6 weeks in, have met a couple of his mates. he's calling me his gf and we've both come off the apps.....keep pinching myself, hoping it lasts as he's lush and meets my requirements of being very tall. We've both got kids and it's gonna take some work to see each other around kid/family stuff/hobbies but hope we'll get there.

Question for you all who have experience of FWB.
The suggestion has recently been put to me by an iron from Bumble. He's 14 yrs younger than me, came out of a relationship 6 months ago and has moved in with his parents while finishing saving a deposit to buy his own place.

He says he's in the wrong place for a new relationship but would like somebody to go out with and misses sex.

Realistically relationship wise it wouldn't happen between us because I'm not looking for somebody so much younger etc

I'm worried I'll get too attached to somebody I'm having regular sex with ( if that happens )
But I also really miss having a sex life and dating never goes anywhere good.

How do you all avoid this problem?

I wonder exactly the same thing indieTara. The idea sounds good. But I know I'd end up developing bloody feelings.

@DanielCraigsUnderpants I'm sure it wouldn't be a long term thing because it's not what I want long term. But I do wonder if it takes the pressure off dating if my 'needs' are being met somewhat already

Or am I just kidding myself because I want to feel wanted

indie it can work as long as it’s with someone you would never want to be in a relationship with, it’s very easy to get too attached. I have had several FWB but I’m yet to find one that amazing in bed so I tend to not go there very often 🤣

IndieTara I have an FB arrangement with a handful of guys and I haven't developed feelings for any of them.

They are all lovely guys and perfect boyfriend material (if I wanted it) but they are at a point in their lives where our arrangement works well.

I care about them all and fancy them all loads but I personally am not in the place for a relationship (and doubt I ever will be) so this works for us all.

I've been doing this since August, once of my FB's I see every week and we are now 5 months in.
The others I gathered in September, some I see monthly, some 2 weekly, some every 2 months.
I have lost some along the way, either because they had found a girlfriend(these ones I knew wanted a girlfriend but also wanted sex while they found one!!) or because I told them I no longer wanted to meet (for a variety of reasons but mainly if the sex is bad, I don't want them in my harem!!!)

For some unknown reason I went back on dating sites last week and I've got some meets arranged over the next few weeks so we'll see where that takes me.

Any specific questions let me know

Thanks @Lovemusic33 I def dont want a relationship with him because of the age gap and his living situation. But the idea of some fun, some sex and no expectations is appealing.

He also seems intelligent enough, can chat away and appears quite open about what he wants.

On thé other hand part of me thinks the whole living back at home thing could just be a cover

Thanks @SortingItOut im not sure I'd have time for so many In my harem!

I have childcare restrictions to some degree and am ready and looking for a relationship.

A FB would just be a way to have some form of sex life but still date other people in the hope of finding a relationship. As he also is not looking for a relationship it feels like it might work.

Hello, is it ok to join your thread? I've been single 4 years, on and off dating sites so no stranger to OLD.

Then I came across this thread and the previous ones and a lot of you have had the same experiences as me. I'm sure my friends in real life are tired of listening to my dating stories so it would be good to chat to those going through it!

flower32 that kiss sounds awful and he clearly wasn’t reading how you responded to it. Only thinking about his own needs/wants. I hope the other dates are better.

sortingitout you sound busy!! :)

coldlocation aw that sounds nice. Enjoy being on the smitten bench with Mr PhD :)

indietara inthink fwb can work is you both know that’s what you are and you know he’s not relationship material for you.

Hours to my date. Feeling nervous. Not sure what to wear!

Hi Catsoup. I'm new too. Been lurking on these threads for a while though before plucking up the courage to wave

IndieTara
I think if you go into it knowing his expectation then hopefully that will also stop you developing feelings for him.

My children are older and my daughter is with her dad in the week (he works at her school so easier) so I meet guys in the week. Very occasionally I will meet on a weekend night but maybe only once every 6 weeks.
I also don't allow them to mine for safety but will meet at a pub and go back to theirs and then after that I generally just go to theirs.

You could give it a try and see how you feel about it.

I'm having the most fun of my life!!

@catsoup I can't go to his he is living back with his parents so realistically it would be at mine although he is taking about hotels

Sorry that was meant for @SortingItOut !

@shitwithsugaron I'm absolutely here for opinions so thank you

Plus I'd be very happy for things to be on my terms

@IndieTara

I have been to hotels with guys and sometimes it worked well and sometimes it didn't, one guy lived 2 hours away so we met half way, I knew he lived with his wife but they were split and as he worked in America sometimes they hadn't pushed for divorce.
After we had met I got an inkling that he was still properly with his wife so didn't meet again.

Another 2 guys lived in a house share hence the hotel - the sex wasn't great and I think being in a hotel puts a lot of pressure on you to make it good sex.

My best one is a guy in a poly marriage, he's good fun and good in bed but we only meet every 2 - 3 months.

Restricting visitors to my house works well and I have a couple of guys living with parents who I chat to sometimes and I expect we'll meet up once they get their own places.
I'm not desperate to see them as I'm busy enough already!!

@SortingItOut do any of them come to yours?

@IndieTara

No one has ever been to mine, my long term FB knows where I live but has never been round, a few know the village I live in but the majority think I live in the next nearest town.

I worry about weirdos and what if I don't like them and then they know where I live - a bit like @ Lovemusic33

This year I'm thinking about letting my long term FB come round.....

Lol go mad @SortingItOut
I suppose I'll never know unless I give it a try

Indie I've had FBs - I can definitely separate sex and feelings though. But I have to like them as a person. I had a whale of a time, and I was OLDing as well. In a weird way it helped because the FBs made me feel sexy, desirable and attractive, which meant I seemed more popular with my OLD. And also meant I didn't DTD too soon with dates.

@BatshitCrazyWoman yes! That's what I want.
Did you tell any of your dates you had a FB?

Indie no I didn't. Apart from one who became a relationship and I didn't tell him for a while. He was fine about it though. The FBs did know there were others like them, and one liked hearing about my OLD dates and would look at the apps with me