Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Down day today. Sure it's just my brain being silly so I'll ignore it and hope it goes away by tomorrow. Just feels a bit relentless

Sure I'm being paranoid, but the 'community' in my area is appearing very cliquey today. And I'm feeling very ignored and just generally meh.

Right can someone explain to me WTF?

I had a date and got on with someone really well back end of next year, made the mistake of sleeping with them then got the “let’s be friends”.

He’s just sent me a song link. He’s done this before then didn’t reply again. Either go out with me or bugger off? I don’t get it!

And I quite liked him.

We probably actually could be friends too

shitwithsugaron Invasion of the sex starved dope fiends!!

invasion of the sex starved dope fiends that made me laugh.

I think I've managed to match with one of them on Tinder. He's on something judging by his rambling messages.

His profile says he's just looking for fun. Fair enough. But he's acting like a child in the biggest toy shop ever. Like he can't believe someone has matched with him. His messages don't make sense half the time because he forgets about punctuation. Its like he's talking really fast and forgets to breathe.

He claims he's never done this before. And I can believe that. If he is for real!
But if he is real then he has a lot of issues and meeting someone for sex isn't going to help that. He hasn't even managed to write the word sex. Seems embarrassed to use it.

When I managed to get a word in, I suggested we meet for coffee. I'm curious about him. If he's genuine then he could be a nice bloke. He said yes to coffee but hasn't said when. Instead he went on about how much baggage he has and can't understand why anyone would be interested. We'll see what happens next.

*MyOldBrain I would avoid that one. I've had contact with men like that before and they're usually not in the right place for any type of relationship. If he's mentioning baggage already I would run for the hills. I had one recently who rambled on about his awful divorce and how his career has gone downhill and he's skint etc. Hardly a turn on.
@leatherandsilk I would block him cos he's just dangling a carrot to see if you're still interested without actually asking you. It sounds like he's keeping you on the back burner as a fall back option. Complete arse.

Spent a few hours talking to ms round the corner last night and feel marginally better, we have a lot in common. Then woke up to a msg from ms pixie saying that she was missing me this morning, only to find a fb message from her in the middle of the night asking if she could set me up with a friend. she is in crisis atm which is why our meet up has been delayed, so odd behaviour is to be expected, but... dunno.

crappy yes I need to take that advice! I met my ex (different one) last night too, I’m an idiot sometimes but it was nice to catch up. 🤦‍♀️

Beyond that’s really unkind of her, crisis or not it’s messing with your head. I think sadly she might be one to bin to protect your own feelings

Hello all. Sunday morning and I should be waking up to bf and lovely sex but that’s just in my imagination. Bit of acrap meetingup /cinema/pizza with my ex yesterday. In my heart I’d like to be back with him - though I ended it 3 months ago. He’s depressed and crap at relationships.

So I downloaded Bumble and had a few matches. Fo people pay the subscription or stay on the free side? Chatting to first bloke - I’ll call him beard- and turns out we do pratically the same job for the same company and sometimes in adjacent buildings. So we chAt about stuff and I ask ‘what’s the usual pattern of events’ and he replies ‘WhatsApp and then meet for coffee maybe’. Then deleted his profile. Is this how it’s going to be?

Soooo hacked off. Really enjoy ex’s company, he’s kind and funny and gentle and I fancy him. But he’s friggin hopeless, can’t get out of bed etc.

Last Sunday 5 members of his family came to visit me and he came too. So lovely you’re them all and one of them cornered me in the kitchen and asked why we’d broken up and how sad they were. He even said he’d lectured ex on being single, sad and lonely. I love his family- much better than mine. I’m rambling now. 🙁

He’s an ex for a reason upyerbum, you either have to hold on to that and not engage with him and his family at all, or try to make it work again. Either way, I would say you’re not quite ready for OLD yet

Cheers dog. I told myself I’d keep away which I did. On Boxing Day he emailed to apologise for being shit and that he hasn’t been coping well with life and stuff. Said he was going to talk to his family, co tact a counsellor and generally ask for help. So, on the back of that I said I’d stay in touch, meet up once a week to support him. We have cups of tea and chat. But he’s done nothing about it. He explained he moves at a glacial speed. But he’ll be dead before he actually does anything. I used to want to put a rocket up his arse but now I just leave him to his sad life. Work /home/work/ home. Frustrating.

I met him via online dating- I simply don’t meet anyone in real life- so I’m familiar with POF. But Bumble is new to me.

Spoke to Mr Mini last night and he said he would try and be over for 11am, told him to message me when he gets up, it's 10.30 and have heard nothing, guessing he went out on the piss last night and is hanging. I'm considering going to the gym instead of waiting around for him, how long should I wait?

He'd "try" and get over for 11, @Love? I'd give him until half past then bin his arse. Doesn't sound like he's putting any effort in at all. You're worth more than that

Rolls I won't be waiting long, if he can't be bothered to get his ads out of bed then he's not worth it. I will just message with "you snooze you loose" 🤣, he has until 11.30 then I'm going to the gym.

Hey folks! Just to say,London was amazing. I managed the tube,jumped on a random bus in fleetstreet and for a country bumkin who even got lost in Birmingham,this has given me new found confidence. A man even crossed the road in a very quiet area of Westminster to ask if I needed help with my map. I feel I can restart pof again and be stronger!

Well done User London scares the shit out of me and I have never been there alone, you were brave, well done you.

Good for you, @Love - he has 8 minutes!

Well done user!! I did London by myself back in the autumn, was brilliant for my self confidence :)

My god. Sat here watching telly and my phone rings with a strange mobile. I answered it and some guys says "Its ***". Apparently some guy I matched with on Tinder ages ago. I was mortified as I had no clue who the hell I was talking to. He was trying to get me to go round to his for an hour for some 'fun'. I managed to fob him off as I was in total shock. Anyway, after a while it dawned on me it was a lad who I blocked on whatsapp cos he was only after sex and naughty chat. The minute I put the phone down he sent a dick pic. Eurgh. Blocked straight away, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

crappyday what's wrong with some blokes that they think that's acceptable behaviour.

User sounds like you had a great time in London

Love hope Mr Mini managed to get his ass round to yours in time.

Mr Baggage is still messaging. He's a lot more coherent today. Explained more of his baggage which is actually quite sad.
I think he needs a friend to chat to rather than just meeting someone from sex. I've told him I'm not the right person for that. Haven't unmatched him yet as I need to know he's read that message first.
He actually seems like a nice guy but too much stuff going on for me to deal with.

Has anyone got any tips for feeling the “spark” when online dating? I had a great first date last night and really liked him; it seemed to be mutual as we’ve already planned the second. I definitely fancy him and would have tried to seduce him last night if I’d met him in another environment (e.g. at a dinner). But I find online dating contrived and a bit cringeworthy - sure I’m not alone in this! If anyone has any tips for helping the potential chemistry/attraction grow, I’d be keen to hear it. I’m trying not to over-invest too soon but last night was hands down the best first date I’ve ever had from OLD.

*MyOldBrain nothing fails to shock me now. He must have known I'd blocked him on whatsapp. Is he that desperate for sex that he's going through his old Tinder matches. I wonder where I sat on the preference list?
I think you're right to step back from baggage. I ended up seeing a guy for 8 months with 'baggage'. That baggage turned out to be more than there is in Heathrow airport. I think he wanted me to 'help him'. No thanks.

crappyday Mr Baggage asked for my phone number last night so he could send me a photo. I refused and told him I didn't want his dick pics.
He was horrified at the thought. He just wanted to show me something he'd made 😂
He is completely clueless about how OLD works. I've given him a little advice but I'm backing away. Just have a feeling he'll be eaten alive by some of the crazies on there.

I can't believe dick pics ever work. That anyone looks and says "yes I like the look of that. I'm on my way round now (even if you are a complete stranger)"