Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Thanks for all the offers re: profile. I'll temporarily set up a pig account again as easier than screenshoting bumble

@shitwith from memory - if they like you I think when you scroll through profiles it'll look different..or is that when they message you but you haven't matched yet??....hopefully someone can clarify

Notcool, Leather sorry to hear about your awful experiences.
Easy access to porn seems to have given men unrealistic/horrible expectations of what real women like, and how to treat women well during sex.
And I was also thinking that anal was becoming more 'popular'. I've been asked about it more frequently than I've been asked what I do for work!

shitwith on OKC you have to both like each other to be able to see their message. Stops you getting messages from people you don't like. But you can message anyone.
If you pay you can see who has sent the message and who has liked you.

And I was also thinking that anal was becoming more 'popular'. I've been asked about it more frequently than I've been asked what I do for work!

That made me lol!!

Yeah the anal thing is depressing. I get that some women do like it but being asked about it from a complete stranger on the internet is unpleasant. It has been the main reason for me blocking men. Also the obsession with squirting.

Not yeah I really hope I don’t get that from a judge, this person very much believed he could do as he pleased, believed a woman could have had a good time whilst walking away with rips to her throat, Black and blue, damage to her spine and whiplash, and folks an attempt at branding. Lovely lovely Guy. It is the new excuse for abuse.

However I’m ok, and on nicer news I think I have a date tomorrow! Been talking a lot, get on really well, and he’s travelling to me (over 2 hrs) as it’s the gentlemanly thing to do.

Either I want to be jesuis with her lovely update or at least enjoy it until it crashes and burns

Hello everyone, I’ve been lurking and have been really grateful to find this thread as there is loads of good advice and experiences for me to learn from. Recently started OLD when friend strongarmed me into doing it. Single 2 years after long marriage ended with his affair and general arseholery. Left with the usual scars and lack of self-esteem feeling like washed up middle-aged woman on verge of menopause.

Anyhow, first 24 hours received tons of messages but they were all pretty depressing. Guys clearly loads older, lots with all the red flags and no no’s mentioned in other posts.

Was about to give up and spotted one from normal seeming dude which I had previously skipped over as he was 8 years younger which I found suss. Then I figured why not, I need to rip that’s bandaid off! Long story short, that day messaging turned to text, turned to phonecall, turned to date with a bit of snogging.

Next date DTD. So here are my question(s) the sex bit was pretty average for me (but it’s been a long time so not really a surprise.) Went back for more practice and was better. . . But, the thing I found tricky was that he did the dirty talk thing throughout - like blow by blow commentary. Now I’m no prude but I just found it super distracting - like being in an amateur porn. I nearly giggled at one point. I had same partner for 20+ years so feeling a bit out of touch. So question is, is this a thing most guys do? Are most girls into it too? I find it tricky to reciprocate (I know he’d like me to) but I’m happy to give it a try but isn’t rally a big turn on for me.

Btw this is so far looking like FWB thing although he is actually a really nice guy and respectful.

Feel like an adolescent all over again!

@panama I've not come across this but it would really turn me off and laugh too. In contrast I had one and there wasn't a peep out of him even though he was good at it. Not a gasp, or groan just silence.
There's got to be a happy medium.

Azzizam think that would freak me out more!! Total silence??

Oh and Panama, nope never had that either!

Panamaxforte, if you don't like it, tell him you can be kind about it, there's things where I've just said I'm really not keen on xyz and it's been taken well (preferences stuff, as opposed to NEVER DO THIS stuff) I'm trying to start off with no bull and sticking to it.

I like a bit of verbal feedback tbh, within reason, but I'm very quiet myself an occasional mmm that's nice will do for me

Found the perfect man on POF earlier, didn’t message him as he seemed too fpgood to be true, he then messaged me, one of the things I liked about him was he had no children, we also shared the same hobbies and outlook on life. So we get talking, exchange numbers, his photo appears on WhatsApp and he’s holding a small child, he then gives me his Instagram name and it’s full of photos of him with 2 or 3 children. Why would he forget to put this on his profile and why didn’t he read my profile which says “I don’t want to date someone with young kids”? I don’t dislike kids, I just want to date someone who doesn’t have ties as I have done the whole parenting and step parenting thing (I want child free time).

@lovemusic33 Are they definitely his kids? I would just ask, and if he says yes I would block and move on if I felt that strongly about it. No point investing if you know that's one thing that you definitely don't want!

Help pretty sure they are his, there’s a lot of photos of the youngest from birth, lots of him holding the child and photos of him with a older child doing typical dad things. Youngest must be around 18months - 2 years. He asked if I was in Fb and I said I was but my account is private due to having photos of my kids on there and he said his was the same. I have stopped talking to him.

@Panamaxforte no it's not something I've experienced and I think I'd have to tell him to shut up!

Well I just had a pretty random date. Was due to meet a couple of friends after work in Clapham for a couple of drinks and was with them pretty much straight from work, I have been chatting to a girl from Bumble this past week and I asked what she was up to tonight, she eventually replied on whatsapp at 6pm and said she was stuck waiting for a train at Clapham Junction. I mentioned I was literally 2 minutes away in a pub with my mates and she asked if I wanted to grab a drink, my mates both have kids so wouldn't have stayed very long anyway so I ditched them and met her in a bar near the station.

We spent around 3 hours chatting nonsense as you do and seemed to get on pretty well. I walked her back to the station and said our goodbyes so have just got in. She's been texting me on her journey home so fingers crossed.

love out of interest what made you think initially he had no children?did his pof profile state he had no children?if so then what strange behaviour firstly to lie about it and secondly to then add you to wa and fb which have clear evidence of him having children!

rich what a good impromptu date 🤞 for you

Ah that’s lovely Rich

rich that sounds great. Hope you get a second date soon

@shitwithsugaron

OKC has changed a bit since I started in August, guys could message without me liking them and when I scrolled through (left/right swipes) their messages would appear before I made a decision to swipe left or right.

Now when you like someone you can message straight away even if they don't like you. They can only reply if they swipe right on you.

As someone above said you only know who liked you if you are a paid member although if you are scrolling through and they have sent a message as well then you will know they liked you.

I would use Double Take to do all my swiping and then if I got bored of that I would use Discovery to change my search criteria and would often find new people.

If you go to Likes then you can see who you have liked and who are matches and then message from there.

OKC was my first OLD and where I met most people.

Thanks for the replies - good to know it’s not just me have gently let him know I’m not really into it. Will let you know what happens next time. . . To be continued. . .

KoKo, yes, his profile stated ‘no children’, seems odd that someone would forget that they have 2 kids 🤣. My profile clearly states that I don’t want to date people with young children (and my reasoning behind it), he has read my profile as he commented on my interests. Total time waster