Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

MyOldBrain well at least he didn't send a dick pic so he does get some bonus points there!!! I would tell him to not be so open about his baggage too and might even be worth sorting out his life before he drags someone else into it. I wish my ex had done that instead of dragging me in and causing pain.
Yeah I don't think anyone really understand the thinking behind the dick pic. This is funny:

Argh ffs... I give up, I'm going to live under a rock...

I cba to go into it in detail, but ex is not happy that I mentioned her name to an iron, when directly asked "oh I wonder if I know her". So contacts me today to tell me so. Ffs 🙄

A bit of a crazy, not so good day.

So, it got to 11.30 and nothing from Mr Mini so I go to the gym, at 12 he messages me saying sorry he’s running late but he will be on his way soon, I messages back with “too late, I’m at the gym”, I then ignore all messages from him, finish my work out, go shopping and he’s still messaging me begging for my forgiveness. I eventually get home at 3.30pm and there’s a knock at my door, I stupidly open it and it’s Mr Mini , I panic and stupidly invite him in for coffee, he was really really nervous, kept apologising, he seemed really sweet but he lives up to his name, he’s shorter than me, I’m only 5”3, I’m guessing he’s about 5”1, I have never come across such a small person 🤣🤣. Although he was lovely he’s not my type at all and his shyness could get very annoying. So things I have learnt today.....don’t give someone your addresss as they may turn up uninvited,.......people can look much taller in photographs.....and I don’t do shot men.

Hope some of you have had better days today.

I’m meant to be on a date Tuesday but since arranging the date he has vinished, I’m not sure if it’s just because he wants to meet before chatting too much or if he’s found someone better, we shall see. I have a few other irons on the go so hopefully this week I can get a proper date (a meal out would be nice).

leather I’m so sorry that happened to you and hope all goes well in court. I’m amazed it didn’t put you off OLD.

Mr S is being very sweet. He tried to surprise me by picking me up after a concert on Friday but got caught out by mway closure so didn’t make it! My cynical side though tells me as he didn’t actually turn up maybe it was all BS?!

It feels a bit weird having no other irons, no other wattsapp conversations, no swiping...

Hi, new to this after nearly a decade recovering from abusive ex-H. Finally ready to consider dating, feeling pretty confident about my age and weight and wanted to have a look at what lovely men might be out there - so I signed up to a site and was filling out the profile but hadn't added pics yet.

Had a few messages immediately, one looked rather dashing so I responded. Bit of a chat and he wanted to see pics, so I sent him a couple. Now in my hayday (I am 40 now) I was a pretty attractive woman, would always get the good looking blokes chatting me up when I was out and about. Yes, I am packing an extra stone or so but I carry it well. .Anyway, he didn't respond again after seeing the pics. I was like wtf, if I'd been messaging a random no pic profile - I'd have been relieved to get pics back of someone even average. What would he have done if I was Grotbags? Guess it would have been too much work to reply with nice but not for me or w.e. So yeah, off to a great start

Rather than dwell on that, I filled out my profile properly and added the pics to it. At least now, the messages will be from people who actually like the look of me. I've had a lot of messages but all pretty grim so far, except for blokes that are too young. I like the classic tall, dark and handsome. Obv I don't mind aged handsome but I do like hair. I think my expectations are going to have to take a nose dive, aren't they?

Noooo single don't settle! Message people you feel attracted to!

Love I thought Mr Mini was an existing FWB otherwise why would you give a stranger your address? That seems very dangerous to me.
But I'm also gobsmacked that he still had the cheek to turn up even when you made it clear he'd left it too late.
Fingers crossed you get a proper date with a meal out soon.

Myold he’s someone I had been chatting too for a year but we hadn’t met, sadly my house is easy to find as I have a one off Campervan parked outside (I’m not far from a main road). I’m a bit annoyed as he must have driven past several times throughout the day until he spotted my car outside. Luckily if he had got funny with me I could have floored him as he’s so tiny.

Wow he really is tiny!!

lovemusic wow. A year of talking with no meeting. You must have been disappointed when he turned up today. I wonder what made him push his luck today after all this time!

single only swipe right on those you find attractive. Hair is a diminishing return post 49 though!

Not we have been chatting in ad off, he started dating someone and disappeared for a while and then reapeared (he’s one of those who occasionally messaged asking how I was etc..). I haven’t heard from him since he left here and I won’t be messaging him. Usually men are much taller than me as I’m pretty short so I was a bit shocked when I opened the door to him and he was fun sized. Oh well, I will laugh it off and move on.

single yes OLD can really knock your confidence. I'm also amazed anyone can message someone with no photos on their profile. That usually tells me they are either married, or really ugly haha. So, the fact he didn't respond again either means he thinks you're too good for him, or he had no intention of responding anyway.
On POF, the only messages I got were from much older, bald, overweight men or the occasional younger man looking for s*x. If I did get a message from someone who looked half decent, they always disappeared after a couple of messages.

Just been reading through the 'what makes you swipe left' thread, gives me some hope

Do lots of men on Bumble, etc really post photos of them holding fish?

Its a relief to hear I don't have to settle. I am far too nervous to message first yet though Batshit! I have trepidation even opening messages

notcoolmum I've not even dare start something like Tinder or Bumble yet! (RE: swiping) But I will stick to my guns with the only talking to folks I am attracted to then. I'm sure a few of these fellas with the full head of hair >50 have had transplants but I don't even mind that. I think Jordan Peterson for example looks delightful.

crappyday interesting! Thanks for the insights. I know I find it odd that he even messaged. I was wondering if his pics were his own cos he looked good, had good profession etc... Dodgy. I've told myself I wouldn't want to talk to anyone that would do that anyway. So that's that.

I started with pof to test the waters. At least I can see there are a few men out there I am still attracted to. What app/sites are you guys using at the moment?

Sorry I keep writing so much lol nervous energy.

Not so much on Bumble I think, rich (at least, not down here. Down here it's the obligatory surfing pic). I have seen many a gentleman outshone in the looks dept. by his piscine friend on PoF though................OF COURSE! How did it take me so long to cotton on to that? THAT'S why it's called Plenty of Fish!

He was horrified at the thought. He just wanted to show me something he'd made I have recently been swapping "Things I've made" photos with somebody from Bumble! His balsa wood X wing fighters for my Fimo dinosaurs! Sadly, it degenerated into his holiday snowboarding snapshots, and I just don't do pointless selfies, so it fizzled out.....

Beyond excuse my ignorance, but why are you hung up on what an ex thinks? Sorry if you've already explained and it's some huge backstory, but I thought you'd be more interested in the iron than an ex being angry about you mentioning her to someone?

Love what a disappointment after all that time of messaging.

singleascheeseslice I would never message anyone who doesn't have a photo of themselves. You can alter your settings so only those with photos can message you.
Remember you can ignore anyone you don't want to chat with. It feels wrong to start with but you have to do it. Some men on POF will just message every woman looking for a response.
Don't be afraid of Tinder & Bumble. You can only message if you match. And it's no longer just for hookups.
Never lower your standards. Its not worth it.

rich I read that thread. It's spot on. Fish, bathroom selfies, gym selfies, Snapchat filters. All very common, like they think that's what women want to see.

@shitwithsugaron

Well obviously we all have our own types and preferences so there does have to be physical attraction although being a guy I realise that my options are a lot less limiting than girls and I have fewer options so probably have to swipe right more than your average girl in order to actually get matches.

Might be easier to list the things I won't swipe right on despite finding them initially attractive and a lot of that is fairly similar to the other thread minus the fish obviously:

Tons of active photos - lots of pics on 'adventure' holidays, climbing mount Kilimanjaro, etc. I'm fairly active but I'd rather use my annual leave on a beach or in Italy.
Photos with sedated animals - tigers, etc.
Lots of gym photos.
Pictures with obvious ex.
All group photos.
Someone with a ridiculous amount of hobbies.
Smoking.
All over tattoos/piercings - nothing against them, just not for me.
Gig people - I don't mind the odd one every now and then but going to Shoreditch 2-3 times a week to watch an unknown band in a trendy pub isn't my thing.
"Looking for spark/chemistry"....

Also, am infinitesimally slowly lining up 2 dates, one with Mr Dead Van from Bumble for next Saturday. He lives about 70 miles away, and I think we've decided on an expedition to some beauty spot neither of us have been to before roughly half way between us. Again, he sounds dauntingly fit, and I am wobbly. Oh, shit.

Also, Mr Urbanite has said he's definitely coming down my way over half term. That will be 2 and a half months we'll have been talking, by then. If it comes to pass .

@Love oh, darling, no! I’m 5’8 & on my profile day swipe left if you’re under 5’10. But shorter than 5’3?????

Also, turning up after you gave him a hard pass? Another no. What a tool.

Glad you’ve got more irons. I’m going to restart OLD profiles, just not sure if Tinder or OKC.

Ive worked out how to not overinvest! The last few people I have spoken to I have had just them as I would not multi speak/date and I totally overinvested and hit rock bottom each time it went wrong.

So I broke my own rules and have been speaking to 7. Now tonight instead of waiting hoping and worrying about a message...

... I want them to all piss off and leave me to my ice cream and Netflix.

Progress!

I have a question about how you interact following the first date. Do you find your text/whatsapp/app messaging drops off following the first date?

The girl I met on Friday, all last week before we had met was messaging me quite a bit, we'd message a fair bit in the evenings and during the day at work - all kind of meaningless texts about what we were having for dinner, how our days were and all that kind of thing.

Now over the weekend her messaging rate has dropped off a cliff compared to last week. Literally a couple of messages yesterday and just the one today. Just wondered if this was perhaps her now trying not to appear too keen or if she's just not interested and is hoping I get the message?