Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Not much to report here but just wanted to say to leather - that sounds horrendous. You must have wondered if you were going to come out of it alive! But well done for seeking justice and well, just getting out there again. x

Anyone got any texting advice? I hate this early stage and don't know if I'm getting too in my head about it!

Basically - had a really good first date (and kiss ) last Saturday with a guy I met on a dating site and had been messaging for about 2/3 weeks. He then went away for work on Monday, comes back tomorrow/Monday. We've been texting lots while he's been away and he's been really sweet, sending me pictures etc. we've talked about liking each other and seeing each other again. Then since yesterday morning, nothing. In the run up to that he'd sent a late night text, I'd replied a bit later, woke up to a text and another picture from him from his previous night out (work related do). I replied "good morning" and "looks fun" and that was the last communication.

Not sure if I should text again now?? My friend says no, but then I think, well I didn't ask a question, is he expecting me to text again and engage more? I sometimes think that if someone hasn't asked a question but do men ever think like that?? And am I just way overthinking everything?? I hate this early, uncertain, stage and am not that good at it, think I'm quite good at talking myself into thinking the worst!

Any thoughts much appreciated!

Ieonasa, personally I'm not bothered about the whole double texting thing and will text anyway if I've got anything to say (but not a random hi how are you) but I know some prefer to see an equal effort being made

If you're not sure, I'd hold fire. But if you like him then message anyway, it won't change anything

I think it’s a bit surprising not to have had a reply leo given the pattern to date, and why would he be silent, expecting a question from you? I wouldn’t text.

Thanks too just decided he gets that night and a court case and nothing else from me, helps I’m a stubborn old bastard.

Leonasa difficult one, I do text but then I like to know where is stand, can’t do the games. But I wouldn’t chase as there is a chance he is stepping back x

I hate the texting thing, never know if I should text or wait for them to text.

I’m having a wobble about tomorrow meeting up wit Mr Mini, mainly because I feel fat and ugly, I’m worried he will be disappointed as I look much better in my photos (have gained weight over Christmas), I always feel I atractive in the winter , I’m not sure if I should cancel?

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the answers, I'll probably cave and text him if I don't hear from him tonight because I just don't want to play games! But I'm going to try and hold out for a bit longer... if he has stepped back it is just a bit upsetting as he has been so attentive till now, but it is what it is I guess..

Leather, sorry to hear about your experience at the hands of that bastard, well done for not letting him get away with it.

Lovemusic I felt the same about a couple of dates just after Christmas but as my DM said, would you want a man that only likes you at your very slimmest? And I'm sure you don't look as you think, though I totally understand the January feeling.:)

Just joining in, if that's okay, as someone who is just starting to date again, at the age of 43 after the breakdown of a long-term relationship (of 20 years, with kids).

I met someone on Tinder, who I met irl today for a coffee date. It seemed to go well, we talked and talked (he did much of the talking, but was possibly nervous), and we seemed to get on pretty well. He asked if I'd like to go out again (which I would, and I told him so), but what now? Should I send him a text to say 'Thank you, it was lovely to meet you', or should I mention going out again? Or should I just wait and see if he messages me? It has been so long since I went on a date, and there were barely mobile phones the last time I did it, so I'm not sure whether to message or what to say if I do!

This whole OLD thing is so different to how things were the last time I dated, that I feel a bit paralysed with not knowing what the right/wrong thing to do is!

TheSheep I would text to say "lovely to meet you today" or something similar. Maybe comment on something you discussed. Then see how he replies.
I don't believe in leaving men to do the chasing. If it was a good date then he'll be happy to hear from you. Depending on his reply, you could follow up with "it would be good to meet up again, let me know when you're free.

Love he won't care what you look like. And probably won't notice. Have fun!

love don’t let January get to you - go and have fun, it will be fine!

Sleepover date with Mr Mad was lovely - lots of laughter, chat and eye-opening sex - but I’m just about certain now that we won’t be ‘catching the feels’ for each other. I’m a bit sad and also feel a bit awkward about what do next, am seeing him for another sleepover on Thursday. Ideas anyone?

Thesheep I would just message and say "was lovely to meet today, looking forward to next time" and see if he responds.

I need to pull myself together and go ahead with meeting Mr Mini tomorrow, trying to tell myself that's it's only a FWB thing so he probably won't care what I look like, I am a size 12 but usually a 10, I just feel wobbly and out of shape, I re joined the gym last week so I'm hoping to lose a size and tone up, it's also my birthday in a few weeks which is making me feel old and frumpy. I hate this time of year.

I just put 'It was lovely to meet you today' and the blushing smiley face emoji, because the message looked a bit flat, and we've used emojis in messages before. I'll just wait and see what happens now.

I kind of feel like at 43 I'm too old to play games, I just wasn't sure exactly what to put. If he replies and it's positive, great. He was nice (and he did talk lots - I guess he was nervous!), and I would like to see him again. If not, that's fine too.

Can I get a massive pat on the back please as I blocked and deleted Mr Italy today!!!!

Been out with kids today to keep me busy, arranging cinema date with Mr Z for tomorrow. Have an iron on OKC who wants to meet but it's another one of those profiles where there is a photo but not of him.... I didn't ask for a photo of Mr Z but i'm not sure if I want to do that again just in case...... what are thoughts on asking for a photo before meeting?

I would want to see a photo before meeting, if there's no physical attraction then your wasting your time going on a date, or he could be lying about who he is.

Scot just ask you need to know rather than waste time, I don’t speak to anyone without a photo as it screams married.

Just say “can’t wait to meet you but not sure who I’m looking for, do you have a photo?”

Fistbump scotsgal!

I came across a new acronym on OKC just now- "420 friendly". Any ideas? Don't want to google it because.....well, you can probably guess why I don't want to google it!

stubborn I'd take that to mean they're partial to smoking weed, happy to be corrected though.

Scot - there's usually a reason for no photo. I personally wouldn't meet up without one.

So, as I mentioned earlier, nothing much happening but I met a guy in the week, really hit it off. However, I was fighting off a cold and despite saying we'd meet today, I called it off as feel rubbish. All I got back was 'Bye then'. I did explain but maybe he thought I was fobbing him off!
So, I sent a msg saying 'come round and see for yourself'.
Is that a bit desperate and do you think he doesn't deserve a chance after binning me so quickly?

Thought I’d pop back & say I think I’ve given up on bloody dating!

Saw the guy I’ve been ‘seeing/shagging’ since Sept/Oct on Weds. thought it would be good time to ask wtf ‘this’ is. So I asked if it was a kind of fuckbuddy thing & he said he isn’t seeing anyone else, and wants to keep it simple.

I drive over an hour each way to his (I have my 20yo DS here & 2 dogs, whereas he lives alone), we shag, we chat in bed, then I come home. We’ve been out once. So, I’ve decided this isn’t for me. He is crap at texting me, so I’m just leaving it til I hear, then basically not hook up again.

Thought of re-starting Tinder, but tbh I really feel fucking deflated. I’ve put on weight, I feel fat & unattractive, and I don’t think (given the guys I’ve met OLD) that I’m going to meet anyone for anything more than a shag.

I haven’t even got chocolate here to cheer me up.

Dusty get back on Tinder. This guy is basically just after a shag, all is fun for a while but then you realise you want something a bit more? Actual dates and doing things together other than sex? I would feel the same as you, I suspect the guy I’m seeing tomorrow is going to be the same (just after a shag) which is fine but it will mean I will be dating other people as I want to find someone to do things with.

OK, if the "420 friendly" thing is dope related, then it would fit the rest of his profile. Wasn't that interested in him anyway, just curious. I have no objections to the odd recreational toke, but I find habitual smokers to be boring as fuck, generally speaking.

@LoveMusic33 you’re right. Spot on in fact. I just feel I can’t be arsex! Lol. I’ll give myself a boot up the arse though.

Hope your bloke’s not just after that. I’m the same - want somebody to go & do stuff with. Even come walk my dogs, go out for coffee, follow me round Selfridges & I’ll buy you a cupcake.

Keep me posted after you see this guy tomorrow