Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Just had one asking to run away with him to cleethorpes, his profile is a joy to behold

placemarking!!

Does anyone have any thoughts on where to meet men in RL? Especially ones mid 40s, early 50s.

I feel OLD isn't working for me and I probably come across better face to face.

I already do a couple of sports and I'm in two meetup groups but they're all either women or younger men (20s or 30s).

I'm happy to try anything once. Just don't know where the lovely single men like to hang out

How about choirs or amateur dramatics TooOld? Or a course? Or some free lectures?

Sorry, that was meant for MyOldBrainStoppedWorking. Clearly mine has.

Thanks DogDay No choir will accept me - my singing is terrible!
I'll look into the courses and lectures.

I live in a small town and we have a Tuneless Choir for people who 'can't' sing (everyone can, it's that not everyone else wants to hear them lol) - perhaps there is one near you? And even the Gospel Choir in my nearest city is open doors, no singing ability required. Believe me, while some sang incredibly well, there were some really shockingly bad voices. And no-one cared. Also, as you're sporty have you considered taking up golf? Clubhouses are stuffed with men, of variable quality admittedly. Depending where you go, it's not expensive, and you can probably borrow clubs/buy off Gumtree.

I have thought about golf. I'm shockingly bad at that as well.
But I might look into it again.

The Tuneless Choir sounds great. I love singing but I know I'm awful at it.

@Lovemusic33 I would ruin you!!! that's too funny! You should say it, just for a bit of fun, flirty banter!

Hello. Can I join in. I'm on POF and Happn.
I've a mixed bag messaging me at the moment.
One isn't exactly my cup of tea physically, but we get on well on the phone. I call him Mr. Oxford phd. He's a broke student at 51 though, so I'm not sure that is utterly enticing either.
I'm supposed to meet him next Saturday.
Then there's Mr. Spanish. I was supposed to meet him Friday gone at 9pm. But he messaged Friday morning saying that his boss had asked him to work late, so could we make it 11pm
I said that was too late, so he said, ok, 10pm. I said yes.
Then I was thinking about heading into central London to meet someone at what is really my bed-time and I made an excuse and cancelled. He's very nice, but who knows. He is trying to get custody of his dd at the moment (haven't asked why, his English is poor), and that leaves me a little bit cold.
The others aren't really worth mentioning to be honest.

I've been in many choirs and there weren't many men in them! My singing teacher, when I was talking to her about OLD or meeting in real life, advised avoiding men in choirs as they were all weird ...

Wotev 10 pm is taking the piss to be honest

In his defence, he's Spanish, so I know 10 or 11pm is perfectly normal to him, but little does he know that us Brits like to be in bed by that time
He'll learn I guess!

I would find a man in a choir to be a particular 'type' that I wouldn't find attractive.
Actually, funny story my ex told me about his Mum and his brother when they were teenagers.
His brother loved singing so would go to the church choir. One day he was going and his mother who could cut you in two with a sentence delivered drily comes out with 'Where are you off to now? The choir is it? You're like an auld lesbian there with all the women'. PMSL. I still chuckle at that. (apart from the obvious misinterpretation of what a lesbian was haha). Oh it still cracks me up.

I love singing and there is a great feeling of camaraderie and friendship in a choir. Just not a love interest! I found the same with courses - I know you only have to meet one person, but there'd maybe be 5 men, two had come with their wives, 2 were over retirement age and the remaining one I didn't find attractive. I do courses/go to talks/yoga/sing because I like to do those things. I think it's very unlikely I'll ever meet a man that way! Whereas with OLD I've met loads, had lots of dates and one relationship of over a year.

I have friends who met at church and also one via a meet up group walking around viewing sites, two on hols. All the rest were online!

I think you're right that most people meet online these days.

It's just that I struggle to get any sort of interest at all. I've tried all the sites at various times over the last 2 years.
I've had dates but, with the exception of maybe 2 or 3, I knew before I met them that they wouldn't be for me. I just end up going on a date for something to do and because I like meeting different types of people.

Somehow I obviously don't come across well online. But I haven't worked out why that is.

I agree choirs are not necessarily going to deliver up a nicely packaged man ready for your delectation, but singing is so good for you - and I was thinking of the ‘friend of a friend’ scenario, where you make new friends and they just happen to have a delectable and available friend/father/brother etc. Golf may be a better and more direct bet though - you don’t have to be good at it necessarily.

Just checking in.... need to catch up on all the posts - I forgot how quickly it all moves. Slowly getting over my heartbreak here. Been speaking to a couple of people but the can't keep my Bumble profile unhidden for very long without some kind of breakdown.

I’m finding OLD very frustrating at the moment. Mr Vegan started taking to me again and now he has finished, I think he might have blocked me on WhatsApp as he’s not opened or seen my messages (just one grey tick). I have no other dates lined up, the one guy I really want to meet is being a bit flakey and is obviously talking to other people, I don’t think I’m top of his list . I’m getting around 5–6 new messages a day but all from people who live to far away or are totally not my type.

Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking on this thread for a little while and thought I would ask for some advice.

So, I am (without fail) ghosted by every man I meet, whether we have been on one date or seeing them for afew months. It’s now at the point where I dread meeting new people as I feel like I am just waiting for it to happen.

I was talking to my friend today and she thinks I need to start asking them why they did it so ‘you can find out what’s wrong with you and change’ because she says there’s something going on if all of them are doing it and it has to be me, not them.

So my question is, does anybody ever call out someone who has ghosted them? Did it make you feel any better or answer any questions?

I’ve just been ghosted again and very tempted to send him a message about it but I don’t know if that will make me feel better or make me look like an idiot.

Thanks!

I've messaged two about ghosting. The most recent one to ghost, who I was supposed to me meeting on Wed, apologised and gave me some cock and bull story about suffering low moods and wanting to come off the apps. So I didn't get an answer as such but I felt better having pulled him on it and telling him it was rude. The other was a previous iron who days before we were due to meet blocked me and disappeared. I noticed yesterday he had unblocked so i sent him a message too asking why he didn't just have the balls to say he'd changed his mind instead of ghosting which is just plain rude. He's read it but not responded but again, I don't care, made me feel better pulling him up on his crap.

@JesusChristFenton fab username!

I've never been ghosted (or if I have not by anyone important enough for me to notice 🤷🏼‍♀️!) so probably not the best person to answer this but I'd disagree with you needing to change! I'm a firm believe we in being true to yourself and not changing for anyone.
Is there a defining point where they seem to ghost you? I.e. have you confessed your undying love for them after one date?!
Or perhaps you're just picking the wrong men to begin with! Are you drawn to a certain 'type'?
Without knowing you it's difficult to identify whether it is something you're doing or whether you're just really unlucky!!

For me personally, it would depend on who had done the ghosting as to whether I'd follow it up. If it was someone I'd only met once or twice I wouldn't bother, I never liked anyone enough at that stage to bother chasing them.
If however it was someone I considered myself in a relationship with then obviously I'd want to know what the problem was for some closure.

@JesusChristFenton when you say ghosted. are you meaning they just disappear on you or just that things don't work out? If after a few months, they disappear, I'd be asking why. If it's just after one date, I think I'd just assume no chemistry but would take a look at the kinds of men I was choosing if they were all rude enough to disappear.