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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married man?

217 replies

RealEyes · 11/01/2019 20:14

So the guy I mentioned in my last post “WhatsApp” turns out he’s married. He’s tried to deny it, says it’s “complicated” and they are “separated but living together for their kid” she has all her profile pictures as them both.

Why are guys such dicks, why can’t they be honest.

OP posts:
RealEyes · 14/01/2019 14:38

Thanks all. I should've realised he would be with others.

I've replied to her say "I didn't know at all! I didn't know about you. He's a pig and I hope you are ok. This must be awful for you to find out Im hurting from his lies and how foolish I've been. Please take care of yourself and child"

OP posts:
summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 14:51

Perfect reply to her ... she may want to lean on you a bit here she feels the victim although your the victim too but she won't see it like that , what an absolute twat wanker bastard prick x

BumbleBeee69 · 14/01/2019 14:53

OP credit to you for the way in which you have handled yourself, it must be very difficult for you and his wife, I think you have been very fair and kind, you could have just dropped this emotional bomb and ran, but you didn't and that is what makes you a decent person. I hope you find someone worthy of your affection. Flowers

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 14:55

@BumbleBeee69 thank you.

It took a lot to let him in and now I won't be letting anyone in soon.

OP posts:
RealEyes · 14/01/2019 16:12

I want to scream at him, I hate him for this.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 14/01/2019 16:22

Scream here! he isn't worth your breath. Let it out here.

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 16:31

I hate that he's done this
I hate I let my guard down
I hate I let him in
I hate that I believed him when he said he missed me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That I was an amazing woman, that I was the best thing to happen to him. That he craved me, that he asked how I was. That he cared

I hate that I believed him. I hate that lied to me. I hate that I felt so good now feel so worthless.

OP posts:
Childsupport · 14/01/2019 16:32

Why are you still monitoring his Whatsapp use?

summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 16:33

He'd get a kick out of it, I'm sure. just walk away gracefully that will do his nut in more & the fact your in contact with his wife will screw him up also ... GOOD!! Thanks

Childsupport · 14/01/2019 16:34

Ignore that, I see now that the whatsapp monitoring came first.

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 16:38

@summersoonplease I'm so pleased I blocked him on everything and left him on read

OP posts:
summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 16:39

Perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling he's walked you up a rose petal path , I had this happen to me some years ago , I felt empty, lost, hurt, angry, betrayed, worthless, foolish, degraded .... now if I see him walk past with a smirk as I come through it and he has to live with the trail of shit he created. It will get easier, very very early days and your grieving, small steps straight line hun

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 14/01/2019 16:40

You are FAR from worthless. You are a very brave and empathetic woman. You care about his wife more than HE fucking does.

It was merely bad luck that you met this human skidmark at all.

@summersoonplease is spot on. The fact you and his wife are in contact will really do his nut in. His cosy little cake-and-eat-it world has come crashing down around his ears.

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 16:47

Thank you @QueenOfTheCroneAge @summersoonplease

It just feels so raw, I'm pleased I feel angry as I know it's a good step to be in next

OP posts:
cocoagirl · 14/01/2019 16:53

She deserves to know. Explain that you were lied to then it is up to her what she does.
I wish I was told early on about my cheating husband rather than finding out later that it had gone on for years.

summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 16:57

Just vent on here , hold your dignity and these girls are amazing we will help you for as long as you need us x

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 14/01/2019 17:00

Yes anger is good now. It's very early days. You'll feel a range of emotions. You've had a huge shock - even though your spidey senses were tingling - but at least you aren't left wondering, and hoping it was all in your mind. You have the full cold hard measure of the man now.

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 17:07

I'm going to need you all when I get to the stage of wanting to speak to him for answers.

But I've wrote a full list of all the things he's done and said. Then wrote how I feel about each lie. I've put it as my screensaver. 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 14/01/2019 17:18

You wouldn't get any proper answers, OP. He's just another player. Nowt unusual, unfortunately!

I like your screensaver! hopefully there'll soon come a time when you simply don't care about any whys or wherefores from him, and can put a screensaver up of lovely you - twat free and blooming like the coming Spring!

summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 17:25

@QueenOfTheCroneAge agree with queen , but I think it's a good start, yes all his answers if you ever wanted to hear them are not worth the tissue we wipe our arses on, you'll be ok .. it's going to take a while but I look forward to the blooming screen saver of you found you again Thanks

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 17:33

Loving the positivity, I can't explain how thankful I am for your support and care

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 14/01/2019 17:44

I'm sorry he's hurt you so bad

summersoonplease · 14/01/2019 17:47

Your more than welcome I think I can speak for us all, it's awful to go through this ... I find it helpful to pour my heart out on here than to speak to friends sometimes because if you want to leave a conversation it ends on here where as friends have the friend ability to keep bringing stuff up that you want to move on from ... so as I said before here as and when you need us

misskiki69 · 14/01/2019 18:29

Writing everything down is great therapy. It's also good to look back in your notes and see how far you've come.i. I'd highly recommended keeping a journal/diary.

You will probably never get answers and will somehow find the strength to move on and heal. Even if you saw him, or spoke to him, which wouldn't be a good idea, he would either lie or possibly twist it to somehow be your fault. i bet he's playing the victim as we speak.

In reality, he is very fucked up indeed. I doubt he understands himself or will comprehend the enormity of the damage he's caused. He needs help but won't admit it, let alone get it.

You, on the other hand, are clearly an honest, lovely person. You will definitely learn valuable lessons from this, that will help you grow.

It's so disheartening and heartbreaking that there seem to be so many dishonest, ugly, dirty people around, who prey on good people like you.... like me.... like us. I bet we've all been shit on at some point.

You are doing just great! 💕💕💕

RealEyes · 14/01/2019 18:47

@misskiki69 I'm finding writing it all down is helping. I just want to be over him now.

He's good at twisting things when I think back to things he said about my WhatsApp and being online all the time. But it was ok for him to be.
They'll be back together and all will be good, I hope more than anything she is well.

I was really worried about posting on here, yet everyone has been amazing.

I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again and I'll question everything they say because of him.

OP posts:
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