Writing everything down is great therapy. It's also good to look back in your notes and see how far you've come.i. I'd highly recommended keeping a journal/diary.
You will probably never get answers and will somehow find the strength to move on and heal. Even if you saw him, or spoke to him, which wouldn't be a good idea, he would either lie or possibly twist it to somehow be your fault. i bet he's playing the victim as we speak.
In reality, he is very fucked up indeed. I doubt he understands himself or will comprehend the enormity of the damage he's caused. He needs help but won't admit it, let alone get it.
You, on the other hand, are clearly an honest, lovely person. You will definitely learn valuable lessons from this, that will help you grow.
It's so disheartening and heartbreaking that there seem to be so many dishonest, ugly, dirty people around, who prey on good people like you.... like me.... like us. I bet we've all been shit on at some point.
You are doing just great! 💕💕💕