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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married man?

217 replies

RealEyes · 11/01/2019 20:14

So the guy I mentioned in my last post “WhatsApp” turns out he’s married. He’s tried to deny it, says it’s “complicated” and they are “separated but living together for their kid” she has all her profile pictures as them both.

Why are guys such dicks, why can’t they be honest.

OP posts:
Donkdonkgoo · 12/01/2019 19:32

Lots of long walks somewhere green and lots of fresh air is what helped me, there's defiantly something cleansing and healing about it...it's good for the soul. Also you will be physically tired rather than just mentally tired so you will sleep better and gets rid of emotional energy. Have you got any close friends you can talk too? Xx

ReaganSomerset · 12/01/2019 19:42

I doubt he'll come round OP. Either she's waiting to get her ducks in a row prior to confrontation or he's desperately trying to deny/apologise. Doubt he'll have time to chase you. Do you have any reason to think he might be violent?

Original poster
RealEyes · 12/01/2019 19:42

@Donkdonkgoo

I just need to get through tonight, I'm seeing my friends tomorrow.

That should help

OP posts:
Original poster
RealEyes · 12/01/2019 19:43

@ReaganSomerset he has a terrible temper. He's never hurt me but he does get angry quickly

OP posts:
Donkdonkgoo · 12/01/2019 19:46

Can you go for a walk now? Honestly it does help, you will sleep better x

Original poster
RealEyes · 12/01/2019 20:02

@Donkdonkgoo I think I will.

OP posts:
Thatsalovelycuppatea · 12/01/2019 20:27

@RealEyes if he causes trouble at your home, just call the police. You don't have to feel abliged to Open the door to him Thanks

ReaganSomerset · 12/01/2019 20:39

Stay safe, OP. Don't open the door to him if he does show up, but hopefully he won't. Enjoy meeting up with your friends tomorrow.

MumsyJ · 12/01/2019 20:49

I totally agree with @Donkdonkgoo walking does wonder to the soul. You will be just fine OP Flowers sending you hugs. X

Ladybug123 · 12/01/2019 21:07

Please tell her. I would want to know. She may not listen to you BUT it will plant the seeds of doubt in her mind. Being betrayed is absolute hell but I’d rather have known and known quickly than gone for years and years while my spouse sneaked around.

Ladybug123 · 12/01/2019 21:10

Sorry my phone for some reason didn’t show all the posts. I’m glad you told her! You’ve done an amazing and courageous thing. You’ll be fine, I’m sure. You should be proud of yourself.

Original poster
RealEyes · 12/01/2019 21:27

Thank you @Ladybug123 I'm pleased I told her. It's off my shoulders now

I just worry he will cause trouble

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 21:31

Well done. If she happens to contact you again asking for proof...mention that you're worried he might come to your house in anger. She should be able to warn him not to.

It's often those having affairs that accuse their partner of cheating.

Ladybug123 · 12/01/2019 22:05

I’m sure he’ll be busy fighting fires in his marriage right now.

I hope you’re ok. You’ll be hurting even though you know you did the right thing!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 12/01/2019 22:36

You did the right thing. I will be forever grateful to the woman who told me that she realised that the person she'd been seeing had a girlfriend and that girlfriend was me. I wasn't angry with her - I asked for proof (since he was denying it - the usual script, she was crazy and angry he had turned her down so was making it up to get back at him, etc) but she was able to leave me in no doubt that her version of events was the correct one.

BulletWithABun · 13/01/2019 09:35

I think you definitely did the right thing. This must be very hard for you but you have given her the ability to see things more clearly. All the questions she must have had in her mind now have some answers. I'm sorry that you will be hurting.

pissedonatrain · 13/01/2019 09:56

What a bastard. You did the right thing telling her.

Where did you meet the jerk?

Original poster
RealEyes · 13/01/2019 10:24

Update

She's text asking for screenshots of the texts. Ive sent a few, she's not said anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
RealEyes · 13/01/2019 10:25

@pissedonatrain he's an awful man.

Instagram, he just added me and we got talking

OP posts:
BeepBeepBop1 · 13/01/2019 10:28

How old is he? Just seems he's very immature with all of this x

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 13/01/2019 10:30

Re your update - sounds like he's denying it all then. Typical!

Hollypink · 13/01/2019 10:34

You did the right thing if she wants to put up with his lies well that's her issue but she deserved to know hope you're ok

Bowchicawowow · 13/01/2019 10:41

The damage one selfish dickhead can inflict on the lives of two decent people makes me very angry.

misskiki69 · 13/01/2019 10:46

Undoubtedly he will create a "story" when he's presented with the screenshots. Why don't they just tell the fucking truth? Or even better..... don't stray in the first place. Some men are just greedy bastards and exceptionally weak.

Hope you're ok, as ok as you can be OP.

Dimsumlosesum · 13/01/2019 10:48

Op I think you did the right thing. I wish I'd been told.

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