If someone you'd been dating sent you this...

[upandupandup]

After a month and maybe 5 dates. What would you think?

This is in response to me asking if they wanted to carry on seeing me, as they had gone quite distant.

I DID really like you (I think you knew that!) if I’m being honest, we have a lot of banter, back and forth, but there’s no depth whatsoever in the relationship thus far and it makes me wonder if that’s just you, or if you’ve got more to say at a much deeper heartfelt level or if you’ve been holding back. To be honest I really can’t tell, but so far in our relationship I’ve been looking for a lot more from you from the mind and from the heart.

I think the sex part would always take care of itself and, if I’m being brutally honest, that’s not my main driver with a would-be life partner.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it, but I’m a bit of a philosopher and a deep thinker, and I’m in my happiest place when I’m talking about deep meaningful things and we’ve just not done that at all. In fact, as I said, you don’t really know me coz you’ve never taken the time to get to know me and if I’m being honest, I’ve been really quite hurt by that.

Too intense or is there an element of truth? I try to keep things light and not get overinvested so early on but this has really hurt me.

"we'll leave it there, thanks,"

I hope you didn't let him have the last word! Who does this idiot think he is?

@PregnantSea Spot on!! What a d*ck! 😂

Without wanting to sound like your mum, OP, there are far, far nicer men out there. I would give up on this one.

"I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it, but I’m a bit of a philosopher and a deep thinker, and I’m in my happiest place when I’m talking about deep meaningful things and we’ve just not done that at all."*
*
Oh my! You've had a lucky escape. Who does he think he is? He's certainly got a very high opinion of himself and talking down to you like that is just not on. Please don't give him another thought he sounds like a total tool.

This thread really made me laugh, until the bit where you said you should have tried harder. No no no no no, you are worth a billion times more than that (and him).
I hope you know this, because you really need to. Xxx

Honestly?

Thank your lucky stars. Delete and block.

Sounds like he sent it to you when he was tripping or something.

You will meet some right idiots along the way (that's why they are still single)

There are plenty of idiots in relationships and plenty of (OK, some) nice men who are single. Idiocy and singledom don't correlate, they just overlap a bit. Plenty of single people are single precisely because they don't put up with this kind of crap but are picky about who they go out with.

OP - it's nothing to do with you not trying hard enough. Sure when you're dating you put your best foot forward, but with the right person it shouldn't feel like work and trying hard. Five dates in it should be fun and natural. And any efforts you do make e.g. working out nice places to go, making time for someone else, getting your glad rags on, should all be reciprocated. Leave Mr Philosopher with his TV and his drugs. Date other people.

Five dates is plenty long enough. Even without that text he is no loss. The up side is he left you in no doubt as to who he really is before you got more emotionally invested.

You did nothing wrong OP. You just need to keep in mind that no relationship is far preferable to a bad one.

"See you Adrian. Hope you find your Pandora"

There's been some brilliant and witty responses on here but it's still sad that this has hurt you and made you feel crap OP. I hope you feel better soon, you sound lovely. for you xx

And please please don't think you need to try harder - you'll start sounding like him!!

Always be yourself 😃

OMG!!!! "Yes I told him that if he were a bit more intelligent he might be able to think of some reasons why I hadn't given him my 'heart and mind' after 5 dates.

He replied and said 'we'll leave it there, thanks'."
That was an excellent response!!

I read his reply as code for "philosophical pretensions found out".

"We'll leave it there" - hmm, "How vewwy gwown-up and philosophical am I? Bye."

Excellent response from OP I mean!!!

Stop feeling bad op. He is a complete tosser and you were fortunate to discover this after just 5 dates. It would have been a lot worse if you had invested more emotional energy in him.

I know it sounds cheesy but really, there are men out there who will be more than happy to accept you for who you are, without you trying to change.

Besides, imagine how much emotional energy you would have had to expend in biting your tongue around his pretentious self-absorption!

I know it's been a while since this thread but I had to update.

So last week mr philosopher turned up at my front door, full of apologies at 'misunderstanding me'. We had a conversation (perhaps not deep and meaningful) and he said he would like to start dating again.

That is until today, when he announced that he's been doing some 'soul searching' in the past week, and has decided that although he'd like to hang out, he doesn't want a relationship.

Really what was the point in messing with my feelings again!

To boost his ego op. He wanted to prove to himself that he had you as an option.

This has happened to me before. Made me fucking furious. Didn't happen a second time!

I really hope you have blocked him this time!

Oh my god. You mean you slept with him again!? After all that previous shit?

He turned up and said he fancied another pop at you, after a bit of a think - and you said ok?!

OP! You need to value yourself more.

Op you must have been having a bad week to even have considered giving him another chance. Come on!

Dirty John comes to mind

Please don't say you slept with him???
Please!

FFS he‘s negging you, block and delete this self obsessed twonk! „I‘m a deep thinker“ usually means wannabe cocklodger, too busy thinking deep thoughts (or more likely to be playing GTA in his stained undercrackers) to be troubled with such ephemeral trivia as working for a living or picking up his discarded lager cans.

The last bit jarred - you never took the time to get to know me. He's taken it all very personally. He tried to make you feel like you lost the connection. Pah. Keep the faith.

He's just punished you for your insight in to his none intelligence, and you let him op
He's had the last word, and that's all he wanted