If someone you'd been dating sent you this...

[upandupandup]

After a month and maybe 5 dates. What would you think?

This is in response to me asking if they wanted to carry on seeing me, as they had gone quite distant.

I DID really like you (I think you knew that!) if I’m being honest, we have a lot of banter, back and forth, but there’s no depth whatsoever in the relationship thus far and it makes me wonder if that’s just you, or if you’ve got more to say at a much deeper heartfelt level or if you’ve been holding back. To be honest I really can’t tell, but so far in our relationship I’ve been looking for a lot more from you from the mind and from the heart.

I think the sex part would always take care of itself and, if I’m being brutally honest, that’s not my main driver with a would-be life partner.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it, but I’m a bit of a philosopher and a deep thinker, and I’m in my happiest place when I’m talking about deep meaningful things and we’ve just not done that at all. In fact, as I said, you don’t really know me coz you’ve never taken the time to get to know me and if I’m being honest, I’ve been really quite hurt by that.

Too intense or is there an element of truth? I try to keep things light and not get overinvested so early on but this has really hurt me.

He sounds like a total neckbeard

What a walloper Don't be upset by him op.

Love BitofPractices response - reply with that!

I'd reply with something like this:

"When I think of philosophers, I think of Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Socrates. I certainly don't think of Brian, who gets pissed all the time and dabbles in drugs. Unless you are going to somehow put your perceived brilliance to good use, I suggest that you don't compare yourself to some of the World's greatest thinkers, because honestly, it just makes you look like a Twat. Why don't you have a think on that".

Ah....to fuck and fuck and fuck....how very deep

Op please....he sounds so cringeworthy and crass and up himself.

I'm pretty sure you can do way better!

Did you reply to him op?

😩😂

I'd reply with " ok"

If you ignore, he'll think he's 'got to you'. If you reply with anything else, including namecalling, he'll think he's 'got to you'.

Something like 'ok' and a derisory will wind him up because it indicates you don't really give a shit.

Oh Jesus. He’s one very very needy little sausage isn’t he? He needs everyone to know just how deep and philosophical he really is and that you just don’t quite understand him!

I’d reply with “I think we should probably start seeing other people. You might like to start with a shrink for that self righteousness you seem to have come out in”

After 5 dates? That sounds more like work than a relationship, and he's doing plenty of "negging" in that message. I'm not sure I'd even dignify that with a response.

Yes I told him that if he were a bit more intelligent he might be able to think of some reasons why I hadn't given him my 'heart and mind' after 5 dates.

He replied and said 'we'll leave it there, thanks'.

Still feeling quite shit as he is the first guy I've dated for a while that has actually been open to a relationship. Maybe I should have tried harder.

Nah, it would have been like pouring your energy down a toilet.

Maybe I should have tried harder

In what way? Gazing at him adoringly while he gets pissed in front of the telly?

Why didn't he just say that he just wasn't feeling it. It's him, not you.

You obviously weren't compatible so go out and kiss the next frog until you find one where the philosophy and thinking is mutually compatible.

Definitely don't reply anyway,you've had a very lucky escape he sounds such hard work!

Maybe I should have tried harder.

You trying harder wouldn't stop him being a twat.
Put it behind you and focus on enjoying yourself. Don't spend so much time worrying about not having a relationship. If you're happy and interesting people will be interested in you.

Don't forget dating is as much you working out how interested you are in someone as it is them doing the same with you. This guy didn't meet the grade. He passed the first hurdle of being interested in you but fell at the next of actually being worth your investment.

Sorry OP, laughing at you thinking YOU should have tried harder!! How would that stop HIM being a massive, bell-end walk-badger?

• wank-badger obis....

Even his 'we'll leave it there, thanks,' has pissed me off, like everything is up to him. I know sometimes it can feel like any relationship is worth working on but 5 dates in and he's basically giving you a 3/5 star review and telling you how you could improve? Thank God it' s ended now. Had you 'tried harder' to be what he wanted with no reference to your own feelings or personality you would lose yourself and slowly go mad.

He's clearly an absolute twit who thinks an awful lot of himself. Lucky escape. Onward and upward to someone who does deserve you

What *Mookatron" said.

he sounds really immature. you weren't a good fit but he has no self-awareness at all and sees every non-fit as the other person's fault. If he's a bit of a philosopher and a bit of a thinker then he has a blind spot you could reverse an articulated lorry in to. Hung out with somebody a bit like this myself for a while. Different circs but he had done philosophy at college and fancied himself as v self-aware but I realised over time that whilst he had the utmost respect for his own agenda, he had no respect for anybody else's right to have their own boundaries and standards and desired outcome. eg, he was absolutely committed shall we say to his right/desire not to seriously commit to a relationship but when somebody had blown him off with ''it's all about the relationship for me, thanks, not necessarily a serious one, especially to begin with because I have job and children but a relationship nevertheless'' and he described that woman (who I never met) as ''sad and pathetic''. Some people's philosophising only ever extends to making the world around them fit the views they hold and the desires they already have.

You had a lucky escape from the wannabe thinker with no self-awareness at all.

Maybe I should have tried harder

Oh no, you cannot be serious? The guy is a right TIT. Everything about that text made my skin crawl.

Look, on-line dating is hard. You will meet some right idiots along the way (that's why they are still single). A lot of men with bruised ego's and over inflated ones too (like this guy). Toss them back and try again.

I met my DH on-line, but I had to talk to and meet some right wankers along the way. Been together 10+ years now and he is wonderful.

Keep going. Also, have a think about any red flags this guy exhibited that you ignored. I bet there were some that you chose to ignore. Get better at binning men off, if anything is wrong.

Never, ever try to mould yourself in to a different person, to suit the man. Mr Right will love you exactly as you are.

He is "subtly" trying to tell you that he's ever so clever and amazing, but you don't get it because you're not as smart as him.

Translation - I am an arrogant twat who thinks I'm special and smarter than everyone else and you're not stroking my ego enough. Bow down and adore me.

Run a flipping mile OP lol!