If someone you'd been dating sent you this...

[upandupandup]

After a month and maybe 5 dates. What would you think?

This is in response to me asking if they wanted to carry on seeing me, as they had gone quite distant.

I DID really like you (I think you knew that!) if I’m being honest, we have a lot of banter, back and forth, but there’s no depth whatsoever in the relationship thus far and it makes me wonder if that’s just you, or if you’ve got more to say at a much deeper heartfelt level or if you’ve been holding back. To be honest I really can’t tell, but so far in our relationship I’ve been looking for a lot more from you from the mind and from the heart.

I think the sex part would always take care of itself and, if I’m being brutally honest, that’s not my main driver with a would-be life partner.

I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it, but I’m a bit of a philosopher and a deep thinker, and I’m in my happiest place when I’m talking about deep meaningful things and we’ve just not done that at all. In fact, as I said, you don’t really know me coz you’ve never taken the time to get to know me and if I’m being honest, I’ve been really quite hurt by that.

Too intense or is there an element of truth? I try to keep things light and not get overinvested so early on but this has really hurt me.

@Reflexella haha!! You beat me to it!! 😂😂

I'd think I'd had a lucky escape. Jesus wept. What a jumped up, patronising twat. Unbelievably cringey.

I actually am very intelligent and reasonably successful and have never have anyone call me dull or shallow. But I genuinely cannot think of a time where he tried to start a philosophical conversation.

It sounds like this is a negging attempt tbh.

"Neg (or Negging) - According to the Urban Dictionary, negs or negging are, "low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to advances". Although both men and women sometimes "neg" during early flirting efforts, this is a tactic first described by pick-up artists (PUAs). There are several explanations for the tactic, however, they all employ some sort of backhanded compliment, which temporarily lowers the target's self-esteem while leaving the speaker blameless. Theoretically, this lowered self-esteem in the target makes the speaker seem more attractive by comparison."

Source: www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201308/can-insult-make-you-fall-in-love

So - he may actually intend to throw you off balance in order to make you more vulnerable to shit, manipulative tactics designed to "hook" you and make you more amenable to whatever he wants to have happen next. Nasty behaviour. Actually, potentially abusive behaviour.

You know him better than me, what with me never having met him, BUT, if his comments seem to directly contradict the person you know yourself to be - i'd be wary, on top of amused by what a total twat he is.

Don't be drawn in by this sort of twattery op, you know yourself.

I have stolen this from someone else but run, run like your tampon is on fire!!!!

Omg, what a patronising pillock. Tell him to bore off....

What a narcissistic prick. It's all me me me. He will end up a loaner for life, fantasising about philosophical conversations with the perfect soul mate.

He sounds lile a dick head. Dont even reply. He isnt interested in your opinion. Just block him.

Surely he would just end it if he wasn't feeling it? No need to say all that at all. If you were shallow, dull etc etc then what the use in telling you?

Please don't reply trying to prove yourself to him.

He's so far up his own arse his head's coming out of his mouth.

He's a philosopher? What has he written? What are are his main theories and how are they original in any way?

I second telling him you agree he's a philosopher and that he definitely seems like another Kant.

What a fucking loser.

If you see him again, more fool you.

Is he Matt Goss OP?

This is the same guy that makes us listen to 90s trance anthems whilst eating dinner, likes to go on about the amazing 'experiences' he's had after taking ecstasy and has only wanted to get drunk and watch tv on most of our dates.

Ahhh, I see. Did you not want to get high and watch shit faux science Netflix documentaries with him?

He'll bore you to death with his self importance.

I hate him.

I was actually so gobsmacked that a person would send that after five dates I thought the only plausible explanation was that he has a LTR going and he accidentally sent you her mail.

But then I read your email about his drug days reminiscing. There is nothing more boring.

I wouldn't even answer.

I'd reply "Well you've killed any spark". And block.

"Well, 2 dates in I began to think you were somewhat Kant-like, and your text has only served to confirm my worst fears! As Sartre said 'L'enfer, c'est les autres'! You obviously think I'm dumb, but you're so much dumber than you'll ever realise!

"Good luck with that"

Just send that. Arse!

God... could not spend any length of one with someone who comes out with stuff like that. Run, OP!

Totally send him @LuckyLou7 's response.

Text back “You’re quite right, I obviously never did see the real you. I just thought you were full of yourself.”

Watcherintherye

Please let us know how you respond. Some great suggestions.

Oh god. It's either my ex the roofer or it's my mates ex the property bloke. Pair of bell ends.

Op this is gold x

Basically he thinks you’re thick and he isn’t attracted to you any more. He’s saying unless you have some intellectual depth that you haven’t yet shown him, then you aren’t compatible. And you said he’s already backed off anyway so it’s pretty much over. He could have been nicer about it though!

His message was exhausting. I think you have had a lucky escape!