Discovered husband has another wife and 2 sons

[Girlintherobe]

Hi everyone
I’ve been a lurker on mumsnet for a while.
I’ve learned so much about life from you all.
I feel terribly lost.
I’ve discovered my husband has another wife and two sons that live half an hour away from us.he used to work away during the week and told me that he was earning extra money so we can go on holiday every year.Now he tells me that he’s with her out of guilt and he really loves me.im a SAHM.
He’s in charge of all the finances.

" If it was a ceremony performed here I'm afraid you are not legally his spouse."

No, but I think that there was a case last year where a woman was awarded assets from a nikah.

And how did I guess he would be a businessman 'the family business'.
They are the dudes who can afford solicitors to blindside their various women. Makes me so angry.
The legalities around marriage and the protections it gives should be taught at school.

If the house is in joint names then it's a moot point anyway. It's half yours whether you are married, housemates, friends or siblings. It's half yours. Take it and go. Get legal custody of your kids, Claim child support from him and don't let him have your children's passports.

Were you born and reared here? How devout are your family? How would they feel about this news? Would they support you in leaving him? Do you want to leave him?

OP does the nikah count as a legal marriage under UK law, like it would in a register office or church? I thought it was a blessing, not legally recognised?

Thank you so much for all the replies.
I’ve been feeling so alone since I’ve discovered all this.

diddl
"No, but I think that there was a case last year where a woman was awarded assets from a nikah"

That was a divorce case, she wanted to divorce her husband who said there was no grounds for a divorce as they never had a civil marriage only religious. The court ruled the marriage as void rather than a non marriage which allowed her to seek assets. It's the first case like that but it's still not as straightforward as if the OP had a civil marriage plus her nikah. This is all assuming she wants to separate, it's all new. What a horrible way to find out for her and her children too. OP again really sorry he has done this to you all, what a shit.

This website seems to think it's only legal under Islamic law, rather than UK law?

Please get legal advice quickly, get paperwork about your house, investments etc. You will get a fair hearing in a civil court.
You don't have to stay, but if you want to you should insist on civil marriage, if not you can get divorce. Good luck

Whatever ‘d’H says, the Nikah marriage is not a legally binding marriage in the U.K. it’s a common misconception.

There is also no such thing as common-in-law wife. Ie. Some people believe that if you live together for a period of time, you have the same rights as a legally married (or civil,partnership) marriage. This is not the case.

He is an utter shit. Don’t let him gaslight you.
You don’t have to accept it.
It’s not really the important thing but his comment about her sexual compliance really repulses me; I mean if only you’d been more forthcoming with the daily blow jobs etc. - you’ve really only got yourself to blame. He’s a twat. How dare he abuse his religion to pull this stunt. He’s not a good Muslim and he’s not a good man.
You could ring Women’s Aid for advice on and see a solicitor. You need child support ASAP, you will probably also be eligible for benefits as a single parent.
I wonder if there is any possibility of financial redress through the civil courts.
You must be in shock, I hope you have supportive friends and family 💐

OP I don't mean to be ignorant but will it be safe for you to leave him ASAP? By that I mean will your family support you and not hold the same views as him i.e wanting/forcing you to stay with him.

I thought that if someone takes two wives (which I don't agree with at all) then they had to at least inform all those involved because I know some women do put up with it.

Sorry you're in this position.

You mentioned your son showed you the Instagram. Were your sons aware of the other woman? How did the son know it was the other wife? I presume you discussed it, since you say that you're supposed to put up and shut up?

English Law and islamic marriage (if you are in England not Scotland):

www.theguardian.com/law/2018/aug/01/english-law-applies-to-islamic-marriage-judge-rules-in-divorce-case

And I see a PP has already mentioned Southall Black Sisters - there's also One Law for All:

onelawforall.org.uk

I remember watching a programme recently about this.

article written about tv proframme

I think it’s a common problem.

So sorry OP. Confused about the legal status of your marriage though. So she has access to the business?

I am sorry you’re having such a rotten time
Take a look at these website, see if you can get support, and signpost to legal advice etc. I don’t know your location so there a range of locations

amina women resource centre Glasgow

Hopscotch women’s centre London

Amina women’s resource centre

Asian Women centre Birmingham

Manchester

Do you know any supportive Imam?
Any good friends who’ll support you?
Take care of yourself

Girlintherobe

I knew about woman that almost exactly the same thing happened to. The only difference was that she had 8 children and the second wife was newer on the scene and had none. She didn't speak much English and had no family support in the UK.

She kicked out her husband and got help from her mosque. They helped her get support from the council. She was able to claim benefits and child support from him. In fact ended up financially better off, more independent and happier than when she was living with her husband.

You don't have to tolerate this.

I’m so sorry. . Plenty of sympathy here from a non Muslim.

I read the article above posted by arran. I don’t the implications of him having a second wife in relation to U.K. law and bigamy. That doesn’t mean to say I think you should put up with it. It means I think you need legal advice.

Arrogant pig. I hope your son is comforting you. Poor thing too. What a shock for him. How old is he? Do you have any other children?

If you have not had a marriage recognised by English law, then you are not legally married in the eyes of British law, even if you are in the eyes of Islam IYSWIM.

As a result you will have no rights as a wife.

You might also find Southall Black Sisters helpful - they are an organisation offering advice and support to BAME women.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

OP is your husband from the UK? Or is he from a country where this is largely accepted? Multiple marriages are rare in even some Muslim countries, but more common in the gulf states.

Do you know if he has a UK legal marriage to his other wife?

This must be horrible for you.

Please get some legal and financial advice and follow it! You really can't trust a man who suddenly turns out to be in another relationship to do the best thing for you and your children.

My husband is British born and bred.