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Original poster

Discovered husband has another wife and 2 sons

196 replies

Girlintherobe · 05/01/2019 15:26

Hi everyone
I’ve been a lurker on mumsnet for a while.
I’ve learned so much about life from you all.
I feel terribly lost.
I’ve discovered my husband has another wife and two sons that live half an hour away from us.he used to work away during the week and told me that he was earning extra money so we can go on holiday every year.Now he tells me that he’s with her out of guilt and he really loves me.im a SAHM.
He’s in charge of all the finances.

OP posts:
Snoz · 05/01/2019 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Singlenotsingle · 05/01/2019 16:18

It looks like he isn't actually married to anyone under English law.

Snoz · 05/01/2019 16:20

A muslim support network can be as it will, but they can't change the legal standing of the OP. Which is that she is merely a partner, not a spouse. Which means zero rights. She will not have any rights afforded to a legally married spouse. None. ZERO!

bethy15 · 05/01/2019 16:20

I’m not legally married.

I’m his spouse legally.

Both of these cannot be true.

I think you need some legal advise and quickly.

Salmakia · 05/01/2019 16:21

Also OP I'm sorry to break it to you but if you only had a nikkah done you're only Islamically his wife, not legally under British law. There has been a recent case which gives some support to a woman in a similar situation as you but having just the religious marriage isn't as strong. This link gives some info on that case.
www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/news/call-on-the-british-government-to-stop-pushing-minority-women-towards-religious-courts

Original poster
Girlintherobe · 05/01/2019 16:21

He didn’t tell me.
I found out because she put her pic up on instagram with ‘proud mum of boys’ on the family business account.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 05/01/2019 16:21

You don't have to get used to it. Islamic marriage is recognised in the UK.

Can you speak to your Imam for support and guidance? I'd also recommend contacting an Islamic counsellor.

I'm not sure where in the UK you are, but I know of one that Muslim friends have said is very good.

PM me if you're interested.

spiderplantsalad · 05/01/2019 16:21

A friend is in a similar situation, down to the second wife - my friend is the legal spouse and the second wife only has a blessing of some kind (am not Muslim myself, not sure of the term). She's planning to divorce the rancid fucker.

You should be able to get child support and if you're the legal wife then I think you'd have rights to teh house etc - but see a solicitor if you can.

You don't have to get used to it though. You can get rid if you want to. Are you worried about your parents not being supportive?

thefinn · 05/01/2019 16:21

Wow I'm so sorry. Of course you're not stupid, this happens unfortunately to many women not because they're stupid but unless you are a liar your mind just doesn't go there. I don't think people are less sympathetic to you because you are Muslim. What a horrible situation. And no, you don't have to stay with him regarldless of what he says.

Original poster
Girlintherobe · 05/01/2019 16:21

I haven’t got instagram but my son does.
He showed me.

OP posts:
Snoz · 05/01/2019 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrancisCrawford · 05/01/2019 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Girlintherobe · 05/01/2019 16:22

I was suspicious when I accidentally saw emails on his phone from her.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 05/01/2019 16:22

So sorry

How are your wider family with this?
Will they support you in separating

ivykaty44 · 05/01/2019 16:23

You don’t have to get used to anything, it’s no ok to take a second secret wife

Original poster
Girlintherobe · 05/01/2019 16:23

I have an Islamic nikah certificate

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 05/01/2019 16:24

@Snoz

You're very ignorant and clearly do not have any understanding of diversity.

thefinn · 05/01/2019 16:24

Op are you in the UK?

GOTBackThisYear · 05/01/2019 16:24

Where were you married? If the Nikah was performed abroad where it is a legal marriage, it is a marriage legally in the UK. If it was a ceremony performed here I'm afraid you are not legally his spouse.

Snoz · 05/01/2019 16:24

I have an understanding of women being taken for a ride in the name of religion.

FrancisCrawford · 05/01/2019 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UAEMum · 05/01/2019 16:25

A quick google search shows me that you are not legally married under UK law if you just have nikah. However, a high court judgement last year recognised shariah marriages. So, if you were to leave him, you would probably have the same right to finances etc. You mention half the house is yours which is good.
The issue is do you want to leave him or can you live with the 2nd wife in the picture?
In my understanding, having a 2nd wife without the first knowing is grounds for divorce under shariah law.

Harmonyrays · 05/01/2019 16:25

Don't both women have to agree for it to be validnd allowed on islamic law?

Haffdonga · 05/01/2019 16:25

I'm not legally married
but
I'm his spouse legally

Sorry, OP but these can't both be true in the UK. A nikah has no legal basis unless you also went to a register office and got married.

Read this
<a class="break-all" href="//,awhsolicitors.co.uk/articles/family/islamic-marriage-recognised-in-the-uk/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">,awhsolicitors.co.uk/articles/family/islamic-marriage-recognised-in-the-uk/

LuckyLou7 · 05/01/2019 16:26

Oh you poor thing, what a horrible shock. How old are the boys?