Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

[Wildestflower]

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

That's very tricky. Are you able to look up the jeweller online? I'd get a rough idea of how much it cost and then decide whether it's a waste of a lot of money, or an uncostly mistake that I could live with and occasionally wear (hoping for the latter).

Honestly, I'd just wear it. It was bought with love and thoughtfulness.
Put in on when you go out without him and pop it in your purse after you've left home.

Oh, I've re-read the title and you know it was very expensive!

I agree with primoestate that you should just wear it. You won't be able to return it, and it might grow on you in time.

My teenage son bought me a bracelet with his part time earnings. It is not really my style but there is no way I would exchange it ,and I will wear it, because it's the first time he has shopped alone to buy me something he has chosen himself other than chocolates!

How expensive are we talking? I’m surprised a necklace from a market is expensive (maybe that’s just the markets I’ve seen haha)

You know your DH, if it was me I know my OH well enough to know if he bought me a gift I didn’t like and he’d spent money on it he’d want me to say so he could exchange it, there’s no real point in a gift of jewellery that’s meant to be enjoyed when it’s worn if you hate it. Or is he the kind to get in a strop and accuse you of being ungrateful?

I’d honestly be tempted to say ‘i love the thought but I don’t think I’ll get much wear out of it as I don’t think it goes with my usual style, can we go back together and choose something else I’ll love?’ Only a twat would have a problem with that. And you can choose something more affordable and use the difference on something like a food shop if money is tight.

Thank you. I could wear it. It feels very blingy and asymmetrical and makes me feel that he doesn't 'get ' me and has thrown money rather than randomly. I think it would be impossible to find the jeweller. Thank you though. I think I'm reading too much into it.

Cross posted with you. It was £300. It's much more than I spent on him.

Oh that is a lot!

You’re not reading too much into it. A necklace coating £10-50 that isn’t quite your taste is one thing, but several hundreds? Wowzers! That’s just money down the drain if you don’t love it.

Definitely speak to him!

Maybe it is something that he would like you to wear? Yes it might be a bit different but perhaps that is the point.

I think you need to have a conversation (be kind) to get your answers.

If you bought him an expensive designer t shirt that didn’t quite fit with a garish pattern he’d be embarrassed to be seen in and it’d cost £300 do you think he’d shut up and wear it just to keep the peace or be honest?

The shirt example is great. I bought him a shirt for a birthday a few years ago and it didn't fit so we exchanged it. Thank you. I'm erring towards telling him.

I doubt there is anything you can do about returning it even if you decided to. I would just chalk it up to ‘one of those things’, frustrating as it is, and agree a budget limit for next year. I can’t see that you have any other choice. Perhaps try to wear it on occasions when you’re going out?

It might be tricky to get your money back. They might do an exchange?

Yes, an exchange could be good. I think that's the best I'd hope for. I'm worried it is all in the same style, but there might be one that is not so eye wateringly expensive and also so jangly. The jeweller might have some more understated pieces. We've got visitors coming soon but I have resolved to talk to DH later today.

How did speaking with your DH go, OP?

We had and unexpected visit from his cousin yesterday, and today I had an early start at work, so won't see him until later. I'll post an update after we've spoken. Thanks for all the good advice.

Last year my dh, who is not great with presents and has an idea of my taste that rather lags behind the reality, bought me a felt hat that I might have worn when we first met in the mid-90s at a Christmas market. I told him, he told me which stall it was from, I went back a few days after Christmas (market still open) and exchanged it for a lovely soft pashmina (that later got into a wash and shrank to a scarf, but never mind). Hopefully am exchange should be possible.

I reckon he just tried his best - can't return it so I would just wear it on occasion!

I’m in a similar predicament although my necklace was half that amount.

It was still a lot for something I wouldn’t buy for myself though not least because it is a long necklace and I have never worn or wanted to wear one.

Mine was bought in a small shop and I’ve decided to just keep it and wear it occasionally. Maybe I need to try something different.

I think you would find it hard to locate the seller of your necklace and even if you find them, they are unlikely to offer you a refund and probably only sell similar jewellery anyway?

I told him. It went very badly. He can contac the seller but says he needs a week to think about my unusual reaction. He told me it is bad form to complain about a gift and that it is my problem, not his, if I don't love it and that it is bad manners to complain about a gift. He reacted very badly and told me I could have handled it much better. He is huffing around not speaking to me and I'm left feeling sad that he'd prefer me to lie about something that cost so much money. I was very appreciative of the thought and said for that amount of money, I need to really love the jewellery and feel excited whenever I wear it. He told me I was digging myself into a deeper hole. He's usually very even tempered so I'm surprised at his reaction. He kept repeating that it was a gift and that he was irritated with me for being ungrateful. I feel very upset this has caused and argument and wish I had just kept the necklace in a box and never mentioned it again. He's made me feel like an absolute cow. Bollocks to being honest. He told me that shirts are completely different and that wives are meant to appreciate jewellery.

He said I could 'take some links out' and remodel it. I told him I've never worn gold and he told me I should try it. I'm in my 40s and have a strong sense of style and what's what suits me and feel irrationally upset by the argument that has ensued. I feel as if he doesn't get me and that I can't express how I feel. When I said it was too much money, he told me it was a present for this year and next year.

And it's completely acceptable for wives to be honest if they don't like something bought for them

What would he rather you do?lie and never wear it??

Don't feel bad op. It's just one of those things isn't it.
Tell him your sad that he's making you feel guilty yet you have done nothing wrong

Sorry he didn't react well

Hopefully he'll come around once he's had a chance to think about it. You've done nothing wrong!

I think he’s probably just hurt... especially if a lot of thought and effort went into it

Sounds like he had really thought about it so feels upset you don’t like that but rather than saying ‘I’m really sad you don’t like it, I tried really hard and thought you’d love it’ he’s gotten in a big offended huff.