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Original poster

Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

161 replies

Wildestflower · 02/01/2019 08:43

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

OP posts:
JeremyCorbynsBeard · 04/01/2019 07:56

My DH bought me a necklace (about £70) which was quite similar to the one I already had so I bit the bullet and asked if I could change it.

He was a little miffed but exchanged it. The next birthday he bought me the same one! He didn't realise so I just kept it. I've never worn it, nor the one I originally had.

It makes much more sense to change things if they're not right, but as you've discovered sometimes it's not worth the hassle!

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 04/01/2019 08:02

sometimes it's not worth the hassle!

There shouldn't BE hassle - that's the point.

Are you going to accept gifts of the same necklace year upon year, @JeremyCorbynsBeard?

timeisnotaline · 04/01/2019 08:03

That’s an awful reaction! And of course you should have told him. When my dh bought me expensive jewellery he offered we could return it for something else if it wasn’t to style and I went back and changed the colour. I wouldn’t reconvene in a week, I’d say calmly it doesn’t suit me to reconvene today, I’ll check my calendar.

YellowStickRoad · 04/01/2019 08:06

I think there's going to be more to this. Was the present bought out of guilt? His reaction isn't normal, it seems like he wanted you to be pleased and kept in a box for some reason.

FinallyHere · 04/01/2019 08:20

that wives are meant to appreciate jewellery.

He is cross that you don't appreciate his gift rather than concerned that you don't love it?

he's implying you should lie to him and be dis honest to keep him happy,which is very wrong and that his behaviour is making you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong.

this ^

Hope you can have a proper conversation with him about it OP and even laugh about it later.

mamansnet · 04/01/2019 08:29

If my DH refused to speak to me and told me to reconvene in a week, he'd have a bigger problem than his wife not liking a necklace.

FrancisCrawford · 04/01/2019 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CircleofWillis · 04/01/2019 08:39

Have you tried googling the market? If there is a website they might have a list of the stall holders.

Soontobe60 · 04/01/2019 08:48

TBH, I wouldn't have said anything and would have just worn it a few times, because it's a special gift and ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
Mu DH has bought me a couple of things that I wouldn't choose myself, but I wear them because I know the sentiment behind them. If he said at the time of opening that I could change it, then I would say then. However, if I decided a few days later that it wasn't me, I wouldn't say anything. I sort if understand his reaction even though it's a bit much. However, he probably knows it can't be exchanged, so now you've made it clear you won't wear it, it's money down the drain.

flumpybear · 04/01/2019 08:49

Ridiculous reaction - my brother is sending me a receipt for a £250 handbag as I don't like the colour - he said 'no problem buy something you like' like a normal person would!

HugeAckmansWife · 04/01/2019 09:21

It's not just the thought that counts.. Sorry but I'm also with those who would say if I didn't like something and depending on who it was, would be disappointed if it was something as basic as silver vs gold.. Most people have a strong preference for one or the other. If it was someone who was meant to know me well and got that wring I'd suggest that not much thought had gone into it. The OPs DH is being a twat and turning this into a massive deal when it shouldn't be.

blackeyes72 · 04/01/2019 09:43

I can see both points of view even though his rea tion is extreme and a bit immature.

My husband has swapped or asked to swap prese ts and it does get annoying and a bit hurtful at times.. It is a family trait as his mother opened all her birthday presents from us last year and reje Ted every single one - I thought it was incredibly rude but the kids were in fits of laughter by the end thinking it was so rude it had descended into comedy!!!!

WipsGlitter · 04/01/2019 10:13

DH bought me a watch and I didn't like it. It was a Radley one and although I like the bags I don't like the watches. He knew I didn't like it and I changed it. He now prefers if I send him links to things I want!!!!

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 04/01/2019 10:19

I wonder if the necklace was really cheap and he's saying it cost £300 in order to cover up a different expense. He's certainly not being honest with you OP, that I am confident of. Maybe he leant the money to someone?

Yulebealrite · 04/01/2019 10:21

It's not rude blackeyes.
If you want the pleasure of choosing a surprise then at least let them have gift receipts and let them know they can change it. It's very pompous to think you know better than them what they like. And what a waste of money. I value money too much to let it be completely wasted if you are never going to wear/use it. It was rude to reject everything so callously but then it was rude of you not to offer a possible exchange in the first place or ask what dh/mil would actually like.

bethy15 · 04/01/2019 10:34

TBH, I wouldn't have said anything and would have just worn it a few times, because it's a special gift and ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
Mu DH has bought me a couple of things that I wouldn't choose myself, but I wear them because I know the sentiment behind them.

But then where does this end?
Apparently £300 has already been wasted, if he believes she loves the necklace as she wears it, he may start to carry on getting this type of thing, a gold asymmetrical necklace that the OP dislikes.

Say that kind of thing is all she ever gets and then the OP's husband is just throwing money away when she could be very happy with something cheaper and more to her tastes.

This was from a stall, it may be a fancier one, but it's still a market stall and it's cost £300 that may not be able to get back. At Tiffany you can get a lovely silver bracelet for half that, and you have the luxury of refunds or exchanges.
It's silly to pretend that this is fine as it's a lot of money to throw away, and possibly continue on in the vain.

Stormsurfer · 04/01/2019 10:35

I'm sorry OP, but I think he's acting this way to cover up for something. You said you had a difficult year due to him working long hours and you feeling unsupported. Sounds to me from that he has a history of not considering you in his actions. The way he is trying to make you feel bad and is taking a week to think about it suggests to me he is lying. Could be a lie about the cost, the source of the money, the intended recipient, the fact it's a guilt purchase... who knows... but I strongly suspect something.

Yulebealrite · 04/01/2019 10:50

I made the mistake of not addressing one friends gifts and just sucked it up at the time. After all its low value and would be "rude'. Eighteen years later I'm still receiving the same type of gift every birthday and christmas. After the first few years it no longer became an option to say anything. That is 36 presents that I never ever use. Even at £10 that is £360 wasted over the years. If only I'd been honest at the beginning.

Triglesoffy · 04/01/2019 10:57

Keep it and then give it back to him for his birthday. And then use that birthday money to buy yourself something you like.

Then next Christmas agree a budget, get him to give you the cash and buy yourself something nice which he then wraps up and puts under the tree

Charley50 · 04/01/2019 11:11

@Yuletide - what sort of gift is it? Perfumes products?

bethy15 · 04/01/2019 11:14

I made the mistake of not addressing one friends gifts and just sucked it up at the time. After all its low value and would be "rude'. Eighteen years later I'm still receiving the same type of gift every birthday and christmas. After the first few years it no longer became an option to say anything. That is 36 presents that I never ever use. Even at £10 that is £360 wasted over the years. If only I'd been honest at the beginning.

Something similar happened to me.
I did the awful thing of regifting something.
A friend gave me a huge box of Sanctuary things, however I have sensitive skin and slight eczema and so I can never use anything at all fragrance.
I thought my other friend would love something like that, so instead of letting it languish, I gave it to her for Christmas, only to find every birthday and Christmas I ended up with even more of the stuff.

I'm no longer friends with either though, they had known me for years, but never took any interest, anyone who knows me knows hoe allergic to these things I am, no thought for me had gone into the gifts at all.

purpleelk · 04/01/2019 11:18

“ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.”

Exactly - he didn’t put ANY THOUGHT into it and he grabbed something on his way to the toilet, figuring as he explained that all women appreciate jewelry.

What thought was there in that?

Fuck all.

Echobelly · 04/01/2019 11:25

I hope he gets over it (and himself) and it's mostly just surprise because he thought he'd got it bang on but he hadn't.

Jewellery is such a hard one... when we are in place selling jewellery, DH often offers to buy me something (costume jewellery, not gold and gems stuff that I'm not interested in) and he always seems to pick out the pieces I don't really like that much! Like long chains with a big pendent, when I prefer big beads, or bracelets, which I don't wear. So he doesn't dare buy me any as he knows he tends to get it wrong.

XiCi · 04/01/2019 11:48

Reconvene in a week? God that's hilarious, does he always speak to you like that? Is he used to you just shutting up and putting up in general because it sounds like he's angry that you have voiced your opinion.

Yulebealrite · 04/01/2019 11:50

yes charley

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