Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

[Wildestflower]

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

I also think there is something off about the whole thing. A gift is normally bought with the pleasure of the recipient in mind. If my DH didn’t like a gift I’d carefully chosen, I would honestly have internal pangs of disappointment, but I’d dust myself off and make a lovely afternoon of shopping together for something he loves in its place. I think he’s looking for reasons to be pissed off with you.
I agree it could have been a guilt gift, either because he’s been neglectful of late, or something more sinister. I hope not but he is being a pompous twat in any event.

There's more to this isn't there OP? He sounds controlling. I'm thinking maybe he knew you wouldnt like it and was testing you, or gaslighting even.

I actually think taking the week to reconvene is a very good idea. You need to do some serious thinking - as to whether to leave him or not!

What a ridiculous reaction. I think it is to do with the difficult year. Seriously I think you both need to reconsider your relationship. I think this present is just symbolic of the state of your relationship.

This all sounds very odd. Your DD saw him get it so you know he bought it from the market. Did she hear that it was definitely that much?

The thing I don't understand is how anyone trading on a market doesn't either have a small store somewhere or also trade online. Is that even a thing? Highly suspicious when combined with the fact he won't give you the card.

"Reconvene". Ask him to let your secretary know when to arrange the next meeting

Bollocks to that.

FFS Just tell him as kindly as possible that you're surprised that he thought you'd like it at all as it's not the sort of thing you will wear. He's your DH ffs, you should be able to communicate better & he should also know your tastes better.

For the record. I've had very similar this Xmas from my DH too. The jewellery he bought me was hideous & nothing like my taste at all, so I just said I didn't mean to be ungrateful, but I'm surprised he thought I'd like it, as it's not my taste at all. He agreed & most of it can be changed. The earrings can't be changed, but they are beyond ugly, so I won't be wearing them & he'll know better next time. That might sound harsh, but it's the thought that counts & after 20 years, I expect him to put a bit more thought into it. I know I do. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've just seen your update. Wow, passive aggressive reaction or what. He's bang out of order, not you.

£300 big bling gemstone gold necklace from a market? For that money, the price of gold and where it's sold (not terribly secure) at most it must be plated or vermeil. Is it hallmarked?

What a shame . His reaction is so much more upsetting than the waste of money on the necklace you didn't like.

I really hope he realises what a pompous arse he has been and has a change of tune.

Hmm... if there is an OW, maybe she makes jewellery? DD would have said something if he'd been clearly flirting with the stallholder though...

I see it a little differently i think its a emotional reaction rather than a rational one you say you had a hard year and felt unhappy you spoke to him and it improved he has then spent alot of money on a big gift I think to him he's bought this as a grand gesture of love and as you don't like it he's upset. I also believe there is two school of thought on this one some people believe its the thought that count and you shouldn't mention if it's not to your taste as it's rude others believe its best to be honest I guess your husband believes the first option. I would let him calm down and try and talk to him again.

Reconvene in a week? What next - a disciplinary hearing!!
I have a feeling he cannot take it back and doesnt really have the details of the seller (seeing as he wont show you the details).

Has he exaggerated the cost maybe and is behaving like this so you stop wanting to take it back ?

His reaction is definitely not normal !

Oh wow OP! He’s being a right dick. Glad you can see that!

I’ve read all of your posts and the first thing that came into my mind immediately is that he can’t return or exchange it. His reaction is so overblown and irrational, it comes across like he’s hiding something. He’s kicking off like this so you’ll drop it and not push the matter, and if it upsets you and makes you worry about the marriage all the better as you’ll no longer be thinking about the necklace. He sounds horrible.

I reckon either he paid much much less than he’s claimed and doesn’t want to be found out (as in, it was a £30 costume jewellery piece from Accessorize not a £300 item), or he came by it another way entirely (he stole it, it’s an old item from someone else he’s regifting, anything really).

I bet you’ll never get it exchanged because either the seller doesn’t exist or the necklace never came from that stall or cost £300. It’s odd a jeweller doing well enough to be in a nice market selling items of that price would have zero online presence. Also odd they’re not there anymore. Also odd he won’t give you the card you haven’t seen proof of. It makes no sense to google the jeweller and nothing come up. Did your daughter even witness him purchasing it?

He’s being a real twat, wanting to reconvene in a week. I know you’re probably in shock but can you try and flip the power a bit in your own mind at least? Treat this coming week as time for you to really think about whether you want to be with someone who’d act like this. Don’t fall into the grovel apologetic mode or be waiting around to see if he ‘forgives you’, I bet you’ll never get the necklace exchanged and he’ll be frantically trying to think of a good excuse if at the end of the week you decide you still want it exchanged despite his strop.

It’ll be ‘she’s gone out of business, didn’t do as well this xmas as she hoped’.

I know I sound pessimistic but nothing adds up here.

In the meantime if you’re in town you can take the necklace to a jeweller or two or a pawn shop and just ask them for a rough idea of the value or quality of gold? I have a sinking feeling they’ll laugh and offer you twenty quid.

He’s being awful and I hope you don’t fall for believing there’s any merit to his reaction. Any normal honest person might feel hurt or embarrassed they got it wrong but they wouldn’t want you to be stuck with a gift you don’t enjoy and would rather know then have chucked £300 down the drain.

Is he the sort to lie generally?

He's not lying. He paid £300. He has the seller's number and email. She is not an OW! No backstory. Just a expensive gift that isn't to my taste and an overreaction from DH.

I don’t see where other people are getting an OW from!

Have you actually seen any proof he has the details of the seller? How do you know it cost £300?

@VietnameseCrispyFish excellent idea! I'd tote the necklace round for evaluation too. Something doesn't sit right here, re the DH reaction to OP's honesty. A gift of this nature is supposed to make the recipient happy. If it doesn't - then exchange it for something that does. That's the normal course of events, right?

That's not a normal reaction.
Take a week to reconvene? Wtf is that all about? Is he into am dram or something?
Bit odd, but the fact you had to post here suggests you knew he was going to be dramatic about it.

He is being a dick sorry op

@Shadow1234 she should put him on a PIP (present improvement plan)

OP he really is being a pompous arse. Is he normally like this?

How did you know it cost £300 before you told him you didn’t like it?

I think he's picked something up last minute and spent a lot of money in the hopes that you'd overlook the fact that you hate it because he spent so much. He's more than likely knew you'd hate it but he didn't care. He's now punishing you for voicing your opinion because you didn't let him get away with his plan to not expend any effort in finding something you'd like.

He is being a massive dick about it and the sulking and silent treatment is so childish.

I have never told anyone that a gift wasn't to my liking. My DM drilled it in my head to be gracious. I remember my late DH bought me this hideous jumper made out of knitted leather cording. I just thanked him and wore it proudly a couple times and he beamed. Then it went into the back of the closet. I steered him more towards things I actually did like though for future gifts.

While I do think that it is true that shirts and jewellery are different, and your example of him exchanging a shirt you bought him is irrelevant as you exchanged it because it didn’t fit and nobody could argue with that, I do think he’s being ridiculous.

The convening in a week and saying ‘wives should appreciate jewellery!’ are both exceptionally patronising and controlling sounding, and while some people might consider it rude to admit to not liking a gift he needs to rise above it if he genuinely does feel like that.

I know you’ve clarified that it did definitely cost £300, but have you seen a receipt? I’m a bit suspicious that his overreaction stems from the necklace not costing as much as he claims it did, and he’s now worried that you’re going to find that out if you attempt to return it.

You can take a picture of the necklace and search for it on google images. This might find the seller.

If my husband spoke to me like that I would be fuming. He isn’t your boss and you aren’t an employee that has to do as they are told. Blimey.