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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

161 replies

Wildestflower · 02/01/2019 08:43

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 03/01/2019 21:34

In that case, keep it for a bit without wearing it then a few months down the road, sell it and buy one you do love. What he doesn't know can't kill him.

Ohdobakeoffdear · 03/01/2019 21:35

That’s a massive overreacting from your DH!
My OH got me a pair of earrings I completely disliked last year. I looked up the price, almost fainted and decided they needed to go back. It’s just wasteful to never use something that cost a lot iof money. OH got the receipt out of his wallet and we marched to the shop to exchange them.
If he had told me to reconvene in a week, he would have been marching to A&E to get said earrings removed from very far up his arse because I would have undoubtedly shoved them there.

Holidayshopping · 03/01/2019 21:37

£300 on a piece of jewellery in a metal you don’t wear is just ridiculous.

He is being a complete dick in his reaction. Does he want you to just lie to him about things in future just so that he doesn’t have a big twatty strop about it?

It was quite a thoughtless present and he’s turned the whole situation round to you being ungrateful rather than him not having any idea what his wife actually likes.

Original poster
Wildestflower · 03/01/2019 21:37

Thank you all. I can't exchange it myself, as the market has gone and the seller isn't online. He has her card and details and won't give them to me, as he wants a week to think. I've tried asking and he's just in a horrible mood, and is making me feel very guilty, so am leaving him to calm down. I think he did choose something he thought I'd love and i think he's surprised I didn't love it and also surprised I've said so. I'm off to bed. Thanks for all the support.

OP posts:
iMatter · 03/01/2019 21:37

Sorry OP but the more you tell us about him the more he comes across as a complete prick.

Is there a backstory?

He really sounds dreadful.

HeckyPeck · 03/01/2019 21:38

OH got the receipt out of his wallet and we marched to the shop to exchange them.

This is a normal reaction.

RandomMess · 03/01/2019 21:39

He sounds like a twat, I can see why you hadn't been getting on...

Wives have to appreciate their gifts, utter misogyny!

RandomMess · 03/01/2019 21:40

He sounds like a twat, I can see why you hadn't been getting on...

Wives have to appreciate their gifts, utter misogyny!

MissSmiley · 03/01/2019 21:45

It's a bit odd that the maker isn't online, you don't think he stole it and that's why he's overreacted about your request to exchange?

HeckyPeck · 03/01/2019 21:45

He sounds like a twat, I can see why you hadn't been getting on...

Indeed!

Thankssomuch · 03/01/2019 21:48

You were most definitely not being unreasonable in any way.

Moffa · 03/01/2019 21:51

Just to add my tuppence here! My best friend bought me an expensive (£200) necklace for my 30th birthday. While it was wildly generous of her, I hate it. I wouldn’t have chosen it & it’s been sitting in its box, in its bag from the shop for months. I can’t see myself wearing it but equally I would never want to offend my friend. I’ve just decided to treasure the thought she put in to it. However if it was my husband- I would 100% tell him and exchange it! Jewellery is such a personal thing. I think you’ve done the right thing & hopefully when you ‘reconvene’ (!) he will see the upside of you having a piece of jewellery you actually love & want to wear. Good luck!

letsdolunch321 · 03/01/2019 21:52

What a twat he is.

He has a very strange way of thinking, my dp would say if you are not happy with it we will change it.

Just maybe he has not got the details of the markst seller and is hoping given a week you will love the necklace !!

PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 22:05

I also think it very odd that a maker who is ‘active’ enough to be part of a Christmas market isn’t online.

JennyHolzersGhost · 03/01/2019 22:26

Well, look, there are two possible things going on here.

Either it’s a good relationship generally speaking, in which case I would probably think that discretion is the better part of valour unless we really needed the money and were brassic, or it’s fundamentally not a great relationship in which case the problem is not the necklace but his reaction to your comments about it.

If it’s the latter then all I can say is, this doesn’t sound constructive or healthy and so I would be rethinking the whole relationship.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 03/01/2019 22:28

OP, the first thing I thought was that he's feeling guilty about something else and that this was meant to soothe his guilt towards you. Then I wondered if maybe he'd bought it for someone else altogether and hadn't had an opportunity to give it to her for some reason, then decided he might as well give it to you....

Sorry if all that sounds ridiculous, it is totally speculative. But something about his reaction screams deflection to me.

PickAChew · 03/01/2019 22:38

Reconvene in a week? What a pompous arse.

PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 22:38

Contessa I had the same thought, not necessarily that he bought it for somebody else, but that he has somebody else in mind when he bought it.

But then I thought everyone would say ‘God, typical Mumsnet! 5 post in and people are saying it’s an affair’ Grin

rookiemere · 03/01/2019 22:46

Your DH is being a bit of an arse.

It's extremely hard to buy jewellery for others - I'm not even 100% on what I like until I try it on.
One year DH bought me a very expensive necklace. Not my style at all. Turned out it cost £500 - he bought it because I let him buy a sports car with joint money. Inwardly I was furious as what I actually wanted - and had told him - was a macbook.

Thankfully as he's not an arse DH was happy enough for me to exchange the item, which I did for 4 individual pieces that were more to my taste, and now I'm very specific about what I want as a present.

How you move on I'm not sure, but it's not unnatural to have your own jewellery tastes.

Prinstress · 03/01/2019 22:47

Put it on ebay and enjoy your week of peace and quiet.

bethy15 · 03/01/2019 22:50

His reaction was overblown and you were well within your rights to calmly say it wasn't quite your style and could you exchange it for a piece you might prefer and would suit your own style, especially if it's that much money!

I have to wonder, who on earth would pay that much money to a market stall (even if it is a nice artisan one) whereby the seller doesn't have an online store either. If anything goes wrong with it, you have so little rights compared to in a store. Why spend not spend it in Tiffany or somewhere where you have a safety net?

bethy15 · 03/01/2019 22:56

I thought of the same thing Contessa.

What on earth does he need a week to think about this for? Is he thinking by sheer power of thought this necklace will suddenly be your taste.

He sounds very strange and controlling, especially not giving you her details, and also telling you wives should appreciate any jewellery!

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 03/01/2019 22:56

Polkadoting clearly we've been here far too long or are deeply distrustful people. Or both Grin

Hoping to be wrong though, OP.

Villagelifer · 03/01/2019 23:01

He needs a week to think about it?! What's there to think about? He spent loads of money allegedly to make you happy. He got it wrong, exchange it. Instead he's attacking you for not pretending?
He sounds self centred and overly dramatic for my liking. If my DH had that reaction I'd let him have it and I might even suggest where he could keep it.

bethy15 · 03/01/2019 23:02

It was a naice market, artisan, higher end stuff. But I don't think he thought it through and spent a lot of money impulsively, for reasons I can't quite work out.

And some of these places hugely mark up their prices and the pieces are not worth anywhere near the money you pay for them.

We have a market in our town which is similar, but it's awful to see how much they mark up the items and because it's labelled as an artisan market people really do get ripped off.

And it can be a nightmare to exchange or refund,providing you actually find this seller.

I have no idea who spends that much money in a less secure way then a store.