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Original poster

Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

161 replies

Wildestflower · 02/01/2019 08:43

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

OP posts:
Fantasisa · 03/01/2019 20:56

Ridiculous overreaction. Hopefully he will calm down.

Veterinari · 03/01/2019 20:58

wives are meant to appreciate jewellery
Does he live in the 1950s?? You’re not just a ‘wife’ you’re an adult human with thoughts and feelings not some stepford clone!

He tried to do a nice thing, you appreciate the thought and effort but the result isn’t quite right. Surely you should be able to work together to exchange? He sounds like a mysogynistic knob!

Notcoolmum · 03/01/2019 21:02

Wow. What an overreaction rather than apologise for getting it wrong you should take it apart and learn to love gold?!
But when you bought him a shirt he didn’t like he was ok to exchange that?
Hopefully he’s just feeling defensive and will react better in the morning. Inthis dua and age the seller is bound to have a wesbsite/Etsy/facebook page so I can’t see it would be hard to track down and exchange.
He made a grand gesture but got it wrong. He should accept that and help you get something you love.
And to tell you you won’t be getting a present for another 2 Christmases as he’s bought you something you don’t like?!

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 03/01/2019 21:04

wives are meant to appreciate jewellery

Stepford wives? Surrendered wives?

FritataPatate · 03/01/2019 21:05

So, is he going to be happy with you wearing it now he knows how he feels about it?
His reaction seems pretty childish, even he's hurt that you don't like it.

FritataPatate · 03/01/2019 21:06

Sorry, should read "how you feel about it"

Original poster
Wildestflower · 03/01/2019 21:07

Thanks for making me feel like a decent human being. He kept telling me 'nobody' would behave the way I have and that he's really taken aback that I complained. I didn't complain. I politely pointed out that it isn't my usual style and I'd rather have something I love for that much money. He kept saying 'it's not just a pair of shoes'. The seller isn't on etsy or a webpage, but he has her card and number. He says he really thought about it, but my DD, who was with him, mentioned that they bought the necklace 'on the way to the loos'. He seems to have deliberately got the wrong end of what I've said and kept reassuring me that he won't spend that much money on me again, as I'm rigid and difficult.

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 03/01/2019 21:08

Sounds like he has a bruised ego is all, OP. Hopefully he realises he's over reacting, that actually you're being much more practical about this in the way that you'd rather have something you'd wear.

Original poster
Wildestflower · 03/01/2019 21:09

He won't speak to me now. He told me I can reconvene in a week and that he needs a week to come to terms with my unusual reaction to a gift.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 21:09

A present for this year and next year Confused WTF does that even mean? Is he saying he wasn’t going to buy you anything next year cos he has been so super generous this year? Tell him to get to fuck!

jinglewithbellson · 03/01/2019 21:10

I wouldn't mention it again for a while and if he continues to be angry with you just calmly repeat that he's implying you should lie to him and be dis honest to keep him happy,which is very wrong and that his behaviour is making you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong.

PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 21:10

I’d be tempted to put it in the fucking bin after his reaction.

Dimedollar · 03/01/2019 21:11

It's him who's having the unusual reaction here.

I would be steaming if my DH spoke to me like that.

PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 21:11

He told me I can reconvene in a week

Is he under the impression that he is your manager?

HeckyPeck · 03/01/2019 21:12

He won't speak to me now. He told me I can reconvene in a week and that he needs a week to come to terms with my unusual reaction to a gift.

He sounds like a massive dick! Reconvene in a week, who does he think he is? Your CEO?

I’d tell him to grow up and stop acting like a ridiculous fool.

moredoll · 03/01/2019 21:17

That's a strong reaction from your DH. Fwiw I agree with him that you shouldn't complain about a lavish gift chosen with love. Love the giver not the gift and all that, but he does seem to be overreacting.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 03/01/2019 21:18

He plucked it off a market stall on the way to the toilets? And he's making this much fuss - like he's had it custom made or something?

He told me I can reconvene in a week

FFS!

Original poster
Wildestflower · 03/01/2019 21:18

I asked him twice about the reconvene thing. It was so weird. I felt like I was being told off for being a naughty child, instead of an adult woman saying how I felt. When I told him this, he told me I'm too black and white. All this over an expensive necklace!

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 03/01/2019 21:20

a lavish gift chosen with love

Off a market stall. On the way to the loo.

Original poster
Wildestflower · 03/01/2019 21:23

It was a naice market, artisan, higher end stuff. But I don't think he thought it through and spent a lot of money impulsively, for reasons I can't quite work out.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 03/01/2019 21:24

He seems to think you are his employee - reconvene in a week!
You've not reacted oddly, he has. His whole attitude is very off.
I also have strong likes and dislikes for clothes and jewellery. I would not feel comfortable wearing something I didn't like.

If you know where he got it from can you just go and exchange it yourself? You don't need his permission.

ShortandSweet96 · 03/01/2019 21:26

My OH is very materialistic (not saying yours is but for context) while I am not, I was never brought up to have or appreciate branded things as my mum couldn't afford them. Since being my my OH every birthday and Christmas he buys me the most expensive things he can think of, not even knowing if I would like it. For example, he buys me lots of branded hats, scarfs and clothes, and I've always said thank you, but never actually liked the style he bought me (I sounds horrible when it's written down!) Year before last he bought me an apple watch and a Michael Kors purse. Now, I love bags and purses, never owned a branded one but this purse is simple and beautiful, but it cost him over £200! But I was extremely happy with it.
The Apple watch, I've never had an interest in. I can use it because I couldn't get it wet and my job involved washing my hands literally every half hour or so. I ended up having a conversation with him about not needing to buy me these expensive gifts, I said i really appreciate that he wants to make me happy, but he doesn't need spend that sort of money to do that. I ended up seeking the apple watch (we talked about it first and he was fine with that).

Last year for my birthday he took me to the zoo, out for food and bought me flowers, it was the most beautiful day. And for Christmas this year I got lovely gin glasses and Pandora ring which I had previously pointed out I liked.

He wasn't offended what so ever when we had a chat, and now he saves money and I still get the most beautiful things from him :)

puzzledlady · 03/01/2019 21:26

bruised ego - he will calm down.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 03/01/2019 21:28

It was a naice market

Ooh I'm not knocking the market! but it's not as though he went especially to a high end shop to select a gift for you. If you've never worn gold or big bling - why would you now develop a taste for it? I'm a silver only gal myself. People know not to buy me gold/gold plated jewellery.

moredoll · 03/01/2019 21:30

I imagine his thought process was along the lines of "That's beautiful. It'll be perfect for Wildestflower. I must get it. She'll love it."
But you don't and he should be able to put his hurt to one side and go back with you to choose something you both like.