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Original poster

Christmas present, not my style and was very expensive

161 replies

Wildestflower · 02/01/2019 08:43

My DH and I have had a difficult year, in part because he was working very long hours and I felt very unsupported. He has made a big effort since September and we are getting along better. He bought me an expensive artisan necklace for Christmas. It is gold with semiprecious stones. It is not me at all. I am worried that he has spent money we can't really afford on something I will never wear. It came from a market (he was with my DC and they told me, they guessed when they saw my face that I was unsure about it). I don't know what to do. I have smiled and said thank you.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 04/01/2019 12:44

What is he like the rest of the time?

Because he sounds completely up his own arse.

Hen2018 · 04/01/2019 12:54

Perhaps he can’t take it back because he stole it?!

RandomMess · 04/01/2019 13:01

If DH bought me jewellery that I thought was nice enough for

moredoll · 04/01/2019 14:54

I wonder if it's possible that he commissioned the necklace. That would explain why he's so upset, and why he apparently spent do little time at the stall - he was just picking it up.

moredoll · 04/01/2019 14:55

so little time

cowfacemonkey · 04/01/2019 15:08

A week to think about it = a week to punish you
Suggest you spend the week “thinking” too

Thetruthwillout80 · 04/01/2019 15:08

Funny how he seems to know what'll suit you, better than you do! 🤔

Holidayshopping · 04/01/2019 15:18

ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
Mu DH has bought me a couple of things that I wouldn't choose myself, but I wear them because I know the sentiment behind them.

What if the sentiment behind them was-‘that’ll do’.

It’s an obscene amount to spend on something that she hates.

To then have a big strop because she doesn’t like it when she should because ‘girls like jewellery’ is ludicrous.

Thetruthwillout80 · 04/01/2019 15:19

Years ago, I had a new partner who bought me a gold necklace. It was pretty but didn't suit my skin tone, I told him this.

He took it back and replaced with silver. Great, I thought...until the next anniversary/Christmas/ birthday came up and he was buying me gold jewellery, again. Hmm

I didn't bother to keep correcting him as I was pretty sure that he knew that I knew that he was playing games.

He bought me an expensive gold ring for our 'anniversary', despite knowing that for the past four years, I didn't wear gold.

It was a case of, I like it so you will like it.

Greenglassteacup · 04/01/2019 15:20

Oh my goodness OP he sounds like a complete and utter weirdo

DBML · 04/01/2019 15:37

Hi OP!

Your husband bought the necklace for you at an artisan market. Which does make it awkward for some people to take things back.
I asked my husband what he thought and he said this...

The lady he bought the necklace from is possibly the same who made/designed or sought out this individual piece. So when you take an item back, it’s embarrassing. It’s not like taking something back to a store, where the customer assistants don’t really care; instead you are telling someone that something personal to them, or something they’ve made isn’t very nice. This is very hard for some people to do and therefore your husbands probably disappointed and feels like ‘oh shit’.
DH said that if the situation was between us, he’s get me the £300 back...but that eventually I’d also find the necklace somewhere around the house!

I don’t think the way he spoke to you was very nice and telling you he’d reconvene in a week is...well...smh.

XiCi · 04/01/2019 15:43

I'm sure a jewellery maker would be perfectly aware that some pieces bought as gifts will be unsuitable. It's hardly a personal insult and I'm sure they would be happy to exchange.

Mitzimaybe · 04/01/2019 15:48

He is being an arse.

My DH, much as he loves me, wouldn't have a clue about my taste in jewellery. When he wanted to buy me some, he arranged to meet me for lunch and then surprised me by taking me to a jewellery shop so I could choose what I liked.

If he impulse-bought something and I said it wasn't to my taste he wouldn't take it as a personal insult and would probably be happy for me to exchange it if that were possible. That's a normal reaction, I think.

purpleelk · 04/01/2019 16:02

I would bet a lot of money that he did not commission it. Because if he had, he would have chucked that little grenade at the OP already.

StoatofDisarray · 04/01/2019 17:11

I thought the OP's DD said he had spotted it as they were on their way to the toilets? In which case, highly unlikely that he commissioned it. Sounds like an ill-thought out impulse buy, which isn't necessarily a bad thing if the buyer ready for the fact that it might not be a good present.

Blowing £300 on an impulse buy and then behaving like OP's husband has is completely out of order.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 04/01/2019 17:59

Fwiw, Something similar with some shifty behaviour and bare faced lies with my ex the last xmas we were together.
I love Pandora and had a particular charm on my wishlist so when my ex gave me a Pandora box I was super excited. I instantly knew it was fake. I did thank him in front of the dc but when we were alone I innocently asked where he got it, pandora online or the usual shop I buy from in a nearby city?He was hurt and very evasive, just saying online somewhere. It was obvious he was rumbled but he continued to lie and acted shocked when I said it was fake. He said to give him some time as he was going to lodge a formal complaint with the shop, but, like the op, refused to tell me the name or details of the shop as I said he had been ripped off.
Turns out, rather than buying the £70 original item, he had bought a complete knock off for £15 from an ebay seller whose feedback was littered with 'fake' accusations, and he had also bought a pandora box from a different ebay seller to complete his allusion that he spent a lot of money. I really was shocked when I found out as I never had him down as being dishonest with me, let alone thinking I was stupid enough to not realise.
Op, his reaction is not normal, he is definately hiding something and like other pps I would be getting that necklace valued, maybe post a pic of it on here?

masterstef · 04/01/2019 18:26

He sounds dreadful and I wouldn't put up with the way he's spoken to you for one second.
However, if you've had a shit year, it sounds like he thought this gesture might make everything better, draw a line under it ( irrational, as if chucking money at some bling meant anything) and your 'rejecting' this means, in his weird thinking, that the crap times aren't finished and done with after all?

I'm not excusing his reaction and you're entirely in the right but perhaps the present has some sort of unconscious meaning to him ...

subspace · 04/01/2019 18:42

OP in sorry that your partner is being such an arse. It definitely seems like a case of bruised male ego but I really don't like the things he's come out with in anger, they so often mirror internal beliefs that the person normally verbally filters. He is saying (he thinks that) as a wife you aren't allowed to disagree with his opinion on what your taste should be, (but he can disagree with yours and tell you), that you should know your place, that you can't disagree with him, that you should be spending the week thinking about how unacceptably you've behaved before being called into the headmaster's office and made to repent your sins.

You are not a Stepford Wife. It's a shame that you seem to unwittingly find yourself in a relationship with a Stepford Husband.

TatianaLarina · 04/01/2019 19:06

Between the lines, the reason you’ve had a difficult year is because your DH is a twat.

I mean wives are meant to appreciate jewellery, the week to think it over. Seriously?

Are there really husbands in this country who don’t know to keep the receipt if you’re giving your wife clothes or jewellery (or any present she hasn’t specifically requested)? And that if you’re going to give jewellery you should check her collection - colour, style etc and get something in the same vein?

All this huffing and puffing and blaming you for your reaction all because he put absolutely no thought into your present whatsoever. He just threw money at the nearest expensive bling.

TatianaLarina · 04/01/2019 19:10

Personally I would call his bluff and say that you’re so appalled by his reaction that you don’t want anything more to do with it. He can keep or return it, whatever, it’s up to him, but you’re not prepared to discuss it again.

Original poster
Wildestflower · 04/01/2019 19:14

I like that suggestion. It's the most appealing.

OP posts:
Ethel36 · 04/01/2019 19:27

This thread reminds me of an expensive top my husband gifted me. I asked for a watch/perfume/ chocolates. I explained that this top was too far out for me, completely not my style. He got the hump like yours, he said how rude and ungrateful I was. So I apologized and put it on. He stared at me for 3 whole minutes and said, "you're right...it's fucking horrible...take it off" and took it straight back to the shop! So maybe you should put it on and see if he realizes how awful it is! 😂

whiteroseredrose · 04/01/2019 20:02

Tatiana has hit the nail on the head.

PaleRider1 · 04/01/2019 22:13

How do you know it cost £300? Did he tell you that or have you got a receipt that you have seen?

Personally I’d give it him back purely on the grounds of being a Class A twat and treating you with such disdain.

Why exactly are you with this person? He sounds horrible, and I can guess his behaviour is something to do with your relationship struggles?

SleepWarrior · 04/01/2019 22:24

There's that episode of friends where Ross gets the hump when he discovers Rachel returned a necklace he gave her. At first she's apologetic but then gets cross and points out that it's not that she's cold and ungrateful because look at all the special important stuff she's kept - fist date tickets, special mementos from the first time they slept together etc etc. Ross sees that she's right and that the necklace doesn't matter.

Perhaps you should sit down and watch that episode together while you eat you dinner tomorrow Grin