Would a big age gap bother you?

[Dragon4Pie]

I'm not looking for hate. I'm just asking if it would bother you?

Someone is 14 years older. Thanks.

@selkiesolstice thank you for the wise words. He's really good and doesn't care about me going out/wanting to do things alone so I don't think we'll have an issue with that. I honestly don't really go out partying or anything anyways so it's not too relevant to me. Currently on the train to meet my best friend for a girls shopping day.

@LadyGodivaRidesAgain he makes around £40k a year with his job, I bring in £630 monthly with mine.

Bath you sound incredibly, incredibly immature and defensive. I don't think anyone here cares a flying fig if you're going abroad for a year but people who have been in the same situation as you are giving advice and telling you their situation.

@Pissedoffdotcom Thanks! Agree with everything you said- these posters have obviously heard horror stories about some age gap relationships/or been in awful ones themselves! It doesn't represent everyone though. Totally agree with joint decisions, my boyfriend and I make most together, and certainly all important ones that impact us both as a partnership.

So much internalised misogyny bathtimesanity, especially about those catty, gossipy, faithless older women. Wonder where you've picked it up from? One day you will look back on these threads and be mortified.

@ballsdeep I'm not going abroad for a year. I'm also just speaking as me, I personally (and my employer and family would agree!) would say that I am not immature in real life. I'm hoping my posts don't come off that way!

@imarocketman50 aw that's so sweet! :)

@Sashkin I never said men aren't gossips? I simply said they probably don't find it attractive? I certainly don't!

I spend plenty of time in the workplace, my boss and the person I report to are male. I work 25hrs a week on top of 30hrs average studying a week.

bathtimesanity he must have assets. 40k isn't worth a pre nup. Again you are planning your life, with a pre nup, not knowing anything about it.

No one has said all age gap relationships are awful. Far from it. Again showing your immaturity. Twisting what people say rather than discussing.

I do think yours personally, could be an issue. You have shown time and time again that you don't have a clue about what you are talking about. You are immature because you don't realise, that you are talking about stuff that you have no clue about.

And that's fine we are all like that at 20. That's the point. I promise in 20 years, Even if you are still with him, you will think about these things that you post and roll your eyes at yourself. We all do.

I never said men aren't gossips? I simply said they probably don't find it attractive? I certainly don't!

You said all the gossips you know are women. And again, why is that relevant.

Your parents and boss feel you are mature for a 20 year old. That's not the same.

@Notacluethisxmas he doesn't, too be fair- I was the one who suggested a prenup to him, he never suggested it.

Well I'll let you know in 20 years how I'm doing. Also- I never said that everyone said all age gap relationships were awful I was referring to the ones who were consistently dragging them down from their own/friends experiences.

There have been quite a few happy ones on here!

I don't have a clue what I'm talking about? I'm an adult making decisions, I know what I'm doing. What an insulting thing to say.

@Notacluethisxmas I've never personally met a man that has gossiped to me/ heard them gossip from another person. My comment was regarding my experiences. I also acknowledged that men CAN be gossips.

OP, your posting style aside I think people are reacting to the fact that you aren’t taking anyone’s points of view on board unless they chime with your own. You want validation, not potential (I stress, potential) realities.

I am 30 and DP is 15 years older than me. He is currently a very successful, well-dressed, active and interesting person. I would argue I am too! We match extremely well and I adore him.

But I know that he may well become ‘old’ before I do. He may fall ill, or need care. And after being together for so long, I won’t want to walk away - I will still love him, even if our currently wonderful quality of life declines. It’s easy to advise others to ‘just leave’ but that isn’t how people generally work.

Other smaller things: he has worked abroad; I haven’t. I may want to in 10 years (maybe? Who knows) at which point I’d be 40 and my DC would be at university. DP however would be 55 - what would happen then? It’s hard to plan for these things, but it’s at least worth having a conversation acknowledging them so it isn’t a complete shock if/when something related to different life stages happens.

All I would encourage you to do is hope for the best but understand it may not all be smooth sailing - no relationship is of course but there are very real things that crop up when you’re in an age gap relationship. And they don’t appear when your other half is still young and vibrant.

I sound like a cynic, I promise I’m not. But I know I’m dramatically different at 30 vs 20/21 or even 24, and I may yet change again before I’m 40! Just something to think about.

@LaLaLanded Thank you, your post was refreshingly kinder and honest. 100% I know it won't be smooth sailing- nothing ever is in my experience. I know he will age before me, our feelings may fade etc. But right now I am 100% committed to him and we are both looking forward to our futures together.

I have also acknowledged other people's comments and taken them on board- the ones I haven't agreed with have either been rude or unnecessarily arrogant. (Assuming I don't know anything, I'm a door mat, I've never experienced anything in life, my career will suffer if I have a child after uni etc).

I’m bemused that you’ve essentially hijacked this thread @bathtimesanity to the point that a pp is addressing you as OP and you’ve answering as if you’re the OP.

My DH was 24 and I was 19. I think cos I still had teen in my age it sounds worse than it is. Been 8 years now

I assume bathtimesanity is Dragon4Pie after a name change fail.

bathtimesanity 's comments about what men want/ like, and her sweeping gender stereotypes are making her sound very young and naive and lacking in self awareness in later posts sadly.

blueskiesandforests no I checked whether they were the same poster before posting that - on pg 1 bathtimessaniry responds to @Dragon4Pie ‘s post.

@bathtimesanity you dont know what you are talking about. I know you think you do.

See pre nup, suggesting it when you don't have a clue what it is. And Why would you need to bring that up to him? Why would he agree to it? Given he isn't a massively high earner and if you are planning having kids soon it would all change. It's not even legally binding. It's pointless, I don't understand why he would even thinking was a good idea.

Your idea that women with opinions are catty. Your opinion you haven't come across men that do it, you have, it's just not seen as a character flaw in men. Trust me. It's accepted as ok.

Talking about getting kids passports when they live abroad.

Saying you career will start after you degree and you taking a break to have kids...THEN starting your career. If you had a clue you would know it's not that easy. That year out could massively damage you career prospects. It's a fact. Having children damages women's careers. It will more so if you are looking for a job after taking time out after uni.

I haven't said you don't know anything. I have said you across as kind and intelligent. You do know stuff but You are simply talking about things that you don't know anything about because you are 20. Most 20 years olds don't know these things. But then would plan their life out on them or try and give advice on them.

I haven't said you are a door mat either nor has anyone else. Just that your assumption that because you are mature for a 20 year old, that means you are mature and you have it all planned out. But your plans are based aren't based on facts at all.

And yes that's why I would have concerns if you were my daughter.

I think the age gap really shows on a 45 year old woman and a 60 year old man.
Women that are come alive. No longer worrying about getting pregnant, not being tied down by children, looking better, being wiser etc etc it all has a positive effect on women. At 45 I looked better than I did at 30.
I was also far more confident.
Compare that to a man of 60, they do not compare.
All the people I know in this position and I don't know many as most of them are no longer together, have an imbalance.

@Belindabauer Interesting. Perhaps that is why more more Older women are with younger men!
I think it's all quite fascinating really.

These days women in their late 40's/50's are really quite young in attitude etc.. BUT have the life experience.

There is an 8 year gap between DH and I. It never remotely bothered me until he turned 50. The change really was overnight and monumental. Now he's turned into a grumpy miserable old git who is so so lazy in ways he's never ever been, and to be honest, I'm really struggling with it. He spent most of Christmas day nodding off in his chair.

Being brutal, I'm absolutely dreading what happens at 60.

@Notacluethisxmas 1) of course I know what a prenup is, why would I suggest it if I didn't know?

2. if the kids were born there, they may not have passports, the poster said they were born in that country.

3. I'm glad I'm not your daughter.

@DubBeGoodToMe I'm answering the questions that are directed towards me. The op hasn't really come back anyways.

My parents had an 18 year gap.

They were very very happy and very much in love. Until she was widowed at 60 and had the best years of her life/retirement alone and, of course, we lost our father when we were far too young.