Would a big age gap bother you?

[Dragon4Pie]

I'm not looking for hate. I'm just asking if it would bother you?

Someone is 14 years older. Thanks.

@sausage101 I understand your concerns but it doesn't always work like that. We grew together and learned so much from each other. I wasn't prepared to ignore such a love in my life just because of age. We had chemistry from the instant. I just buzzed off of him. I love talking to him.

I was 24 when I got together with my then 37 yr old DH. We’ve been together 18 years and the gap has never had any impact.

@Notacluethisxmas you're right, I can see how I may have come across naive. I didn't mean offence at the gold digger comments, it's just that a lot of people around me have the misconception of about people in age gap relationships- and it's often in the media too! X

@Sausage101 glad my brain is still growing :) I've still got a lot to learn! I read apparently that men don't mature until they're 42 or something!😉

Interesting that most of us who are older have a much more realistic view about this .... perhaps we are seeing what’s happens to young women with older partners as they both become older ..... ?

What is this half your age plus 7 crap? Am I too old for my dh? Apparently he should be with a 33 year old. And I should be with a 60 year old? Wtaf.

No I don’t think that age gap matters

Depends. 18 and 35? A bit. 23 and 38 also a bit. 28 and 43 no it's fine. All about relative maturity

My ex and I had a significant age gap - 23 years. I found him wildly attractive and our sex life was fantastic but, deep down he lacked self confidence and was obsessed that I’d leave him for a younger model.
He was also a major philanderer which was ultimately the reason we broke up rather than the age gap.

My new guy is 47 so again, a pretty large age gap but you’d never know it and he looks exceptionally youthful for his age so doesn’t really look like much of a gap.

I have no issues with age gap relationships

Iam 45 and DH 67. Been together 18 years. 2 young DCs. It works out just fine for us. My philosophy is that there are no guarantees in life and certainly no guarantee that you ever find someone you love who loves you back, so why reject it if offered to you based on an idea of a cookie cutter idea of a relationship?

You do have to assume that in the natural order of things you will be a widow at a relatively young age. But in my book I would not swap the very many happy years we have together based on an unknown future.

Relationships can go either way with no age gap. You can't guarantee that you or your partner won't change focus, your desires change etc.

@Pissedoffdotcom exactly.

Thing is, I‘ve never seen a relationship with a 15+ Year age gap, where the older, male partner didn’t make all the big decisions. They had the money, they had the experience, they called the shots and shaped the couple‘s life. There was in every case I know a huge power imbalance involved. The men may ,indulge the whims’ of their young partners, but there is no equal footing. Do age-gap relationships exist that are not like that? Or do all those women in age-gap relationships just not mind?

I'd think long and hard about it. If you really love each other that's all that matters and you will stay together if it's true love but you will be up against some challenges. I have two relationships in my family ( my parents and my sister) where there are 15 plus age gaps in their partners and as you get older you could really see the difference.

My ExH was 10years older than me. Became 'old' very suddenly at 54. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

@deepwatersolo of course they exist where they are not like that? I'm a prime example! I work whilst studying and pay half the rent and utilities, I buy my own food, I make decisions jointly with my boyfriend. I would never EVER let a man control me. And when I've finished studying my degree my job field has the potential for me to earn a lot more than my boyfriend.

I make decisions jointly with my boyfriend very much sounds like you don‘t make them on your own, though. If you get offered a post-grad year or post-doc year abroad, would you take it? That has been pretty much the norm for the people I studied with. The only people who really had issues with accepting a temporary long-distance relationship were ‚older-guy’ partners. Of course, this decision was then made ‚together‘ and resulted in staying put.

I met my soon to be dh when he was 24 and I was 34. Both at same place In life (although he has no kids and I have 2 dd) but all panned out lovely!! A few odd jokes about me being a cougar but it's all good fun!

My husband is 45 and has run off with a 27year old so this thread is very interesting to me!

@deepwatersolo I wouldn't want to study or work abroad due to anxiety so that wouldn't be an issue. My degree course I'm looking at has an internship year part way through whilst you study but it's within a reasonably close distance of the uni.

I of course can make decisions on my own (like what food I want, if I want to go out, if I want to buy something for myself etc) but some decisions are made jointly in a relationship when you live together eg big purchases for the apartment, holidays, moving, baby etc.

He recently bought a new, flashier car- he didn't consult me on it (just showed me a pic to see if I liked the look of it) and went and bought it. I don't drive, I don't pay any money towards the car etc so I didn't care that he made that decision. I normally travel by train or bus (or he happily gives me a lift). It's all about circumstances.

@deepwatersolo he works from home running his own business but we've already agreed that if I get offered a traineeship/job after uni that's further from where we live (like London for example) we would move somewhere closer. But to be honest, I love the town we live in right now and it's super family and career friendly in my studying area so I'm hoping we'll be able to stay here after uni!

@deepwatersolo he works from home running his own business but we've already agreed that if I get offered a traineeship/job after uni that's further from where we live (like London for example) we would move somewhere closer. But to be honest, I love the town we live in right now and it's super family and career friendly in my studying area so I'm hoping we'll be able to stay here after uni!

bath, well, I guess if anxiety controls one‘s life, one is easy to control in a way, and outward control might not be felt as such. Choosing a partner with anxiety issues irrespective of age might suggest a tendency to dominate, no?
If you should ever come to a point in your life when anxiety does not control you any more and you are ready to take full charge of your life and go all in, the relationship you now have might get off balance.
Doesn‘t mean it can‘t be salvaged, question is if partner can accept living with the new, stronger you then.

@deepwatersolo not really, he didn't know I had anxiety until months after we started dating.

I don‘t know you and it may all be different with you, but people with anxiety issues do often come across as a bit needy (e.g. needing constant reassurance). So it isn‘t necessarily a matter of ,being told‘.
People reliably pick partners based on behaviour-patterns that ‚click‘ with them, without any need for reading their MH records. (Just ask the women who pick one violent guy after another. You bet they didn‘t read their DV records beforehand).