Would a big age gap bother you?

[Dragon4Pie]

I'm not looking for hate. I'm just asking if it would bother you?

Someone is 14 years older. Thanks.

bathtimesanity if you knew more about a pre nup than it's something you had seen o TV you would haven't suggested it. Nor would you be talking about it as part of your big life plan. Because it's pointless in your situation.

You have no clue about international law regarding removing children from the country they were born in.

And you say you are glad you aren't my daughter? And moan people are being mean and judgmental. I have a daughter 5 years younger than you. She has more knowledge of things like the glass ceiling, gender pay gaps, everyday sexisim and misogyny. And all how that impacts women in school and in the work place

Am I going to judge your female family because they didn't teach you this stuff? Or say I am glad you aren't my daughter? No, because that would be uncalled for.

You have descended into insults, because you are struggling to answer points.

Such as why would he even entertain a discussion on point less pre nups. If you don't know it's pointless, why didn't he tell you. Perhaps because he didn't want to make you feel you didn't know what you were talking about. You said it was part of the plan you have together.

You can't back up your statement that women do a degree, then have kids then start their career and everything is great and they don't suffer because of it. Or even that most women do it all.

You can justify speaking in mysognistic terms such as 'I have known gossips, they are all women' and 'oh men don't find women who are catty to eachother attractive'. Not justify them as points in your discussion.

Again it's not a judgment on you. We were all 20 and all naive at some point. Your problem is that you don't recognise that actually, you are not as mature as you think and you don't know it all. You resort to insults when you don't know what else to say (like you are glad you aren't my daughter or men don't like women who are catty) and can't answer people's points.

It's ok to not know exactly what way you will do things or have a plan 100%. But I think you feel it will make Your relationship sound more credible if you do have a plan. Again, when you become more mature and more comfortable with yourself, you won't care what others think about your plan or lack of plan. You just get on with life.

You've just confirmed exactly what I thought- you're in my situation/have been and now you're older and not happy. You're jealous.

Leave if you're not happy- you don't have to stay in a relationship.

I also don't think my thoughts and values will change from when I'm 20 to 21,22,23. Believe it or not, the world is changing and young people are huge influencers nowadays, people listen to us more. Hell, there are so many 13,14 year olds that are self made millionaires (YouTube etc), we have power now and we've proved we can have our own thoughts and stand up for ourselves.

I have good values, good morals, my family are proud of me, I'm in Higher Education working towards studying my degree, I live away from home, create my own income with a job and I'm in a great relationship. My parents are proud of me and I'm proud of me. That's all that matters smile

I'm sorry you're not 20 and didn't take the path you'd have liked to if you could go back now.

This is the voice of a petulant child, lashing out with savage arrogance and delusional confidence and devoid of humility and wisdom. I am assuming the poster hit a nerve.

I hope it works out for you and your boyfriend. There is no point in engaging in a discussion.

Same gap between me and dp. Its fine. We've been together 6 years.

Some posters on here come across very bitter & almost resentful they fell for who they did. Which is sad.

OP don't let anybody dictate how your life will turn out. You could be the happiest couple in the world...you could also be with someone your own age & grow to hate their guts. Who knows?

I remember a clingy to boyfriend homemaker phase when I was 20. Had plans to marry my boyfriend at the time and live in a little flat together. Phase passed no idea what he is doing now had several serious relationships since, big career and lived overseas. Life is what happens when you are making other plans - very true!

I have massive crush on older man. Can't even speak to him properly and don't know what to do as I think he might think I'm too young. I'm mid forties but look to younger he's almost 60.

Met the love of my life this year.

He has just turned 54 and I’m 39. Our children aren’t that far apart in age, his youngest is 18 and my oldest is 13.

It just feels right and he has amazing manners!

Maybe I should just be brave and ask him out or I will always wonder. Stupidly concerned over what people think and that's absolutely no way to live

My husband is 16 years older than me. We've been married 5 years and have two children. The only
Issue with it is that I often get sad when I think that I may outlive him by some time. But I love him deeply and if that's how it has to be then that's how it has to be... I wouldn't go back and not get together with him to spare the pain of having to cope without a partner in older life.
We were at the same place in our lives and looking for the same things when we met despite the age difference. I have more in common with him than anyone I've ever met. I think that's what counts most.

So many rubbish comments on this thread. People saying that you don't want to be his carer at such a young age. Ok, I'm a 55 year old male with a 34 year old wife, we have 2 dc's, one at 4 years old and a 5 month old baby, and you know what, life is bloody wonderful. Who the hell knows what the future holds?? We have a 34 year old friend with breast cancer, who the husband is caring for, and a friend with a 30 year old son who has a very severe strain of cancer. No one knows who will be caring for who, and at what age either.!! Life goes on, enjoy it while you can guys.!!

Age isn't the only factor in outliving somebody. I find it puzzling - and genuinely quite crushing - that somebody would potentially miss out on their 'soul mate' simply because of age. There is SO much that could happen before my DP turns 50 & becomes a 'grumpy old man' that I am willing to take the risk

My dh is 22 years older than me. I'm 42 I am certainly not his carer and can't see that happening for some time. We have 2 dd. 18 and 14. We have been together 20 years and our relationship is still amazing. No one knows what tomorrow wil bring

@78indigo, of course you would feel that way when your partner is 20 years younger (21?) wow, would you feel so vivacious with a 76 year old partner?! Do you read that and think ''oh that's different''.

Each to their own but it always seem to be women who are in the situation of having to settle for a much older partner and yeh, I get that in rare circumstances people believe they have something so rare and wonderful that they can't walk away but it is nearly always women with the much older partner.

Personally I'd feel stifled and depressed with a partner 20 years older.
It could not possibly be worth it. Their friendship might be very valuable to me, but I would rather be free.

If age is t an issue, why aren't 45 year old men clamouring to be with 65 year old women?

I've never been attracted to much older men but I am quite young in my outlook and don't look my age (so I am told) . I socialise a lot with dd1 and her friends so have , maybe subconsciously, a very good handle on what is current with much younger people.

I've never seen a man 20 years plus older than me who I could ever imagine being with.8

I am too hard headed to believe in soul mates one person for everyone. Nah. When I was properly husband hunting in my late twenties I would not even date Australians as knew I didn’t want to live there. No way would have countenanced someone 20 years older no way when lots of nice men ones own age.

My OH is 64 and I am 42. Never been happier. Who cares what the age gap is? No relationship comes with a guarantee. Just enjoy it and see where it takes you.

Oh, and DP is a long way from being a grumpy old man.

If he does need care when he is old, then I thank God that the chances are that I won't have lost my marbles at the same time, so would be able to sort it out.

A couple going through physical and possible mental decline at the same time is a HUGE strain on their kids.

God willing I would like to spend an active retirement with my lovely dh like my parents and the majority of their friends are - which is statistically more likely as he’s 3 years younger than me there’s a massive difference between 65 and 85. That would be my problem with it personally.

I had a phase of older boyfriends in my teens and early 20s but it passed. Its understandable really as girls mature more quickly and young lads can seem daft and immature, but by 30 they've often got their shit together and all of a sudden seem hugely more attractive. Take your time with it.

My other half is 12/13 years older than me and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I do think it depends on what you want in life. I was 20, he was 33. I was already a mother to my son and wanted to settle down. He had just come out of a long time relationship with somebody who didn’t want to properly settle down. He wanted to settle down have a family etc. We have been together for 6 years, own a home, have a daughter between us and he’s a fab step daddy to my son, etc etc.

Our age gap has never really caused a problem. He doesn’t look his age so our age gap isn’t noticeable at all. Obviously we grew up at different times. He asks if I remover something from before I was born sometimes and sometimes I talk about things I knew as a child/teenager and he has no idea 😂😂 but generally It’s all great!

9 years here. Never been a problem. Previous threads have said it will, later in life, apparently. When they retire and age prematurely?

@MsTSwift it would be lovely to live by that theory if there wasn't so many horrible diseases and general accidents that happen regularly in this world 😪

Sure nothing in life is certain I work with the terminally ill. But statistically it’s more likely a male partner 20 years older than you is going to be far less likely to be up for travelling with a 60 something wife. My parents had a gap year aged 65. All being equal given a choice as a twenty something with the “pick of the bunch” why would you choose someone so much older? Makes no sense to me - just my opinion.

@MsTSwift i guess again that all depends on the person, my exP was 3 years older than me very unhealthy and smoked lazy and boring my DH is 14 years older than me, adventurous loves walking and has a passion for life

It’s the old age thing that would bother me tbh mid life there’s not much difference. Have met frustrated women full of energy with doddery old men.