Would a big age gap bother you?

[Dragon4Pie]

I'm not looking for hate. I'm just asking if it would bother you?

Someone is 14 years older. Thanks.

I'm not an age gap fan but nobody could see me as some kind of relationship expert. Doesn't sound too bad in your case. No worse than a lot of other relationships.

I think if he treats you well and makes you happy then I don't think it's for anyone else to judge.... I think you will have experienced different things in life because of the gap but ultimately, as long as you are being treated well then I don't think it matters. Good luck to you x

I had that age gap in my 20s. Lovely lovely bloke but he'd done all his adventuring and was very settled. We split up because I wanted to move around to advance my career and he stayed put.

But my now DH is 27 years older than me and we're very happy (been together 15 years).

Half your age plus 7 is the youngest that you can get with. So for him it would be someone around 24-25.

My husband is nearly 10 years older than me but I'm 28 and he's 37. He's definitely more mature than me but it works for us and he's my soul mate.

If you like this guy and you're suited to each other, go for it. The fact that you're asking indicates that you may not be so comfortable with it.

DP is nearly 39, I turned 26 in September

Not noticeable, and DP is more concerned than I am, despite looking young and us being a good mix of meeting in the middle mind and attitude wise

18yrs difference, marriage, kids, married 21 yrs, I'm still obsessed...

I think having a DP that retired 14 years before me would bother me, so id make plans to avoid that.

14 years will be more noticeable when he's mid 70s and you're only 60

Honestly ... it's more your age. After 25, age gap seems less important. Before 25, the older person is deliberately choosing a person whose brain hasn't fully matured yet. So I would be dubious about his motives - as an example ... control issues

I'd be a bit worried he says he doesn't want children yet. Why at his age? Most of his peers will be having them. Will he ever want them? Maybe he's going out with you coz he doesn't want to settle down ever and there'll be less pressure from someone your age.

I married a man 12 years younger and was sick of him when I hit 50 due to his immaturity.
Men are pretty immature on the whole so older man/younger woman probably works but I wouldn't fancy looking after an old man in my latter years, and have seen this scenario many times.

If he doesn't want children "yet" at 35 he probably never will.

I'm not that fussed about having children if I'm with the right partner.

I'm 22 and DP is 31. My family don't mind, not my friends. But strangers like to have an opinion. Like when talking to people I've just met. It bothers me when people tell me it won't work.
We've been together 5 years, have a mortgage, a dog and a cat. We have our fair share of arguments buy it's always resolved. Like any other relationship.

You do you. Don't let others influence you.

Most of us felt like that at 21.

For many 21 year olds it's the last thing on their mind. But you might change your mind as you get older. You might not, but you're still an age where you are likely to change your mind about lots of things.

I want children and so does my 36 year old boyfriend, we're hoping to try when he's 40 and I'll be 24 having just finished my degree :) (4 years time) we're getting a new house first with more room and a garden.

No idea why you’re so defensive?!

As you can see it works out ok for some people, but on the whole I don’t think it does.

MY opinion is that at 21 you should be out there enjoying life, travelling, meeting people, ‘doing stuff’ and at 35 he will be less inclined to do the kind of stuff you can only do and enjoy when you’re young. I still travel a lot, but not in the same way. Yes you love him and are happy now, but you’ll be making compromises you don’t even realise you’re making. Then when you look back you’ll realise what experiences you’ve missed out on. Middle age creeps up fast enough without fast forwarding your life 14 years to fit into where his life is at already.

It's the same as any relationships. Depends on the people and their motivation. If the age difference is a main factor for one of the people, as in they only date younger or older, then it can be an issue. People who only date people younger or older have another motivation, imo.

Also you need to know you. I genuinely don't think I would be happy spending my 40's and 50s caring for someone in their 60s and 70s. Yes it can happen to anyone at any age, but it's much more likely for an older person. That said I have never fallen in love with someone with a big age gap. Maybe being in love would change my thoughts. I wouldnt go looking for it.

I think it really comes down to life experience. A 20 year old with a 36 year old who had been married had kids etc, would concern me.

Personal experience of 20+ year age gap...

It didn't matter at all to start with - I was an 'old' 20something and he was a 'young' 40something. Happily together for a few years without it being an issue, but it did become more of a niggling thing as we got older. We parted on good terms and stayed friends, but I have to say that the older I get, the more icky I find the thought of having a relationship with someone that much younger - I'm now the age that he was when we were together, and I cannot even begin to imagine have a relationship with someone the age that I was then. He's now in his late 60s, and I wouldn't want to be with somebody that age, however fit they are.

So... I'd say fine in the short term, but maybe think long and hard before having kids with him.

But why is the guy so often the older one (not always)? Would it be an equal relationship in many ways?

@Notacluethisxmas my boyfriend hasn't been married, nor had kids! And i'm the first girlfriend to have moved into his home. Not everyone is the same, I'm not fussed about travelling at the moment as I'm focusing on my degree + I have anxiety so hate travel anyway! He's also very chilled and young at heart anyways- 36 is still young in my eyes!

I'd rather be with someone I love and get my degree, have a home that's ours and a child later on, than go out, get pissed, travel loads and waste money like other young people do. :)

Remember my friends mother warning us off this her dh was 15 years older and a doddery old man she had to care for. Both of us married men a few years younger than us

It depends on the individuals. My ex is 14 years older than me and had some distinctly odd generational ideas.
Definite “nappies/babies are women’s work” tendencies which I didn’t find out about until after ds was born. It hadn’t occurred to me that people existed who still thought like that.

It’s a big gap. Could you live together for a while. Plus if it goes anywhere and you want a child in your late 30s, he’ll be 50s.

bathtimesanity I didn't say he did. You seem very defensive. I was talking about difference in life experience makes the difference.

Reading your posts you are gap concerns me. You are planning on ttc so soon after finishing a degree. You seem defensive and overly excited that this man you haven't been with that long is the one

I am 36, trust me when I say things change. Between 20 and 39 you will chabge massively. I hope it works out for you. But trying to pretend age isn't an issue because you don't find it an issue at 20, when you haven't been together that long is very naive

Oh and by the way I am 36.

I would have a 20 year old thrown at me, in all honesty.