Would a big age gap bother you?

[Dragon4Pie]

I'm not looking for hate. I'm just asking if it would bother you?

Someone is 14 years older. Thanks.

And I think the possibility that in 10-15 years time I could be providing nursing care to him while I'm still working full time and with another 15 years of work to go should be considered.

When I retire at 67 he will 81 or dead. We're not exactly going to enjoy retirement together, the chances are I will spend most of my retirement alone.

Yes it would bother me, but I am a lot older than you (60) & seeing three of my close friends who are with older partners is really hard, they have become ‘carers’, they are tied to looking after grumpy old men and have all privately admitted to me how hard it is. Maybe this is extreme but I can remember them meeting the ‘older’ man when he was glamorous, wealthy and considered a ‘good catch’, not so much now 30 years later. And don’t even ask about the step children issues.

And I agree with previous comments, what exactly does an older man see in a younger woman (apart from the obvious?).

@Obsidian77 definitely agree, I would leave if I felt I wasn't 100% content in life- but he's always been up for new things if I've suggested them, he even took me to my first clubbing experience lmao (I hated it!)😂
We both would love to travel the states and visit American National parks in a few years as neither of us have done that!

It all depends on the individuals and if they're at similar life stages. So if both career focussed, or family focussed or travelling focussed it's fine. And when one partner is mid-twenties and the other late 30's there may not feel like much of a gap.
My 45 year old friend with the 60 year old husband feels the gap much more now than she did 10 years ago though. He's retiring, starting to get health concerns, talking about wanting to relocate to the country. She's reached a good place in her career, not ready to give that up, but also not wanting a hellish commute. Is comfortable financially and wanting to make the most with long haul travel. And feels held back.

@NicoAndTheNiners why don't you leave him if you're no longer happy? You're not obligated if you no longer love him? 🤔

We also have YEARS AND YEARS till my boyfriend and I reach anywhere close to that.

@ISdads maybe? That's not a great trait though so it's a good thing I'm not! :)

Oh gosh if only it was that easy. I know on paper it should be, sadly real life isn't that simple.

When you've spent 20 years with someone, have a house, kids and are scared of making a decision which you regret......what if the grass isn't greener.......then it's not that easy!

IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PEOPLE 100%

I was 19 when I got with DH, hated partying, didn't have many friends left because they wanted me to go out drinking and i never did, all i wanted was a quiet life a loving partner, my family and a few DC, DH had been in a long relationship was used by her for a long time and then found out she was sleeping with her boss to get higher up in the company, after a very hard year for him and speaking to me we finally started seeing each other. I couldn't imagine my life without him, but I am also VERY mature for my age and probably very 'boring' to.

If he's got 2 ex DW and likes going to the pubs/clubs with his 'pals' regularly then maybe he's not so great.

43 and 58 seemed ok as both still working and energetic but now 50 and 65 totally different stages in life - he is a pensioner and seems obsessed with his pension, his garden, staying in and watching tv and has become so grumpy and mean spirited with no filter. He has health concerns too which he refuses to get looked at and his hobby is moaning. I am finding it very hard going.

I'd say as long as you're both over 21 it's fine.

However I wouldn't expect 21 and 35 to "last". It might of course. Normally 21 and 35 would be at very different life stages. To last you need to be at roughly the same stage and want roughly the same things out of the next 20+ years...

An average 21 year old and a very immature 35 year old wouldn't "last" because neither would want the commitment.

An old for their years 21 and a just slightly immature 35 might work out

Nothing intrinsically terrible necessarily, but unsurprising your dad doesn't think it'll last and is therefore being jokey. Most parents might also worry about their 21 year old taking on "baggage" in the form of step kids or partner's ex spouse, which are less likely if both partners are 21...

@Seniorschoolmum we've lived together for a year now. Moved in after 4 months. I pay half the rent and bills, it's all done fairly.

He doesn't have the view that 'women are for housework babies etc' in fact, he loves doing a deep clean on a Sunday where as I couldn't care less! Obviously I love a clean home and take pride in our home but I'm not as anal as him! It's quite handy as I often lay in on a Sunday and he's up early each day as he loves mornings, so I get to wake up to a sparkling house! (And breakfast made for me if I'm lucky😉)

I wish you luck bathtimesanity but you sound younger and more naive with every post.
Any man who chooses a relationship with a teenager young enough to be his child and who has no life experience, not even university, deserves the suspicions he will inevitably attract.

@blueskiesandforests haha that's exactly our dynamic! He's a tad immature but in a funny way

@SchnitzelVonKrumm thank you, I hope I'm not coming across as naive as I'm honestly not! I know things can go wrong and relationships may seem perfect now but may not go the stretch.

I'm just happy right now and happy enough to be living together, having a dog together, having a home together and discussing a child in the next 4/5 years.

My parents love him- they think he's a great influence on me, he's so supportive as well about my education and pursuing my degree, he's even offered for me to quit my job whilst I study so I can commit all my time to it! But I love being able to contribute equally and also having had a job whilst studying looks great on my CV for when I leave uni.

A good friend is 20 years younger than her DH - and it shows. She’s mid 40’s - he looks like his kids grandpa and he’s definitely made her older than her years. He’s retired already and has an old man mindset.
BUT it’s her relationship not mine and altho I can’t see the attraction she is happy with him and that’s what matters

"IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PEOPLE 100%"

Thank you @HJWT 💐

30 here, DP is 47. We now have a 6 month old. The age gap doesn't bother us at all. Once you hit a certain point age is irrelevant imo.

@ComeOnGordon you wouldn't normally see the attraction to a friends husband anyway would you? Regardless of age! He's not your husband, why would you want to feel the attraction?

You said she's happy, and I'm glad you're happy for her and understand that. You sound like a great friend :)

18 year age gap here. Oh so wonderful at first. Agree with others, at 60 they turn into bitter old men, obsessed with cleaning and cooking and MONEY.

Bad idea.

Married 15 years, so speak from experience.

@WendyCope good job I'm planning on making my own good money then😉

@Pissedoffdotcom aw, congrats on your 6month old. I'm glad you're happy!

I've got money! They become mean! And obsessed with it.

I'm 28. OH 44..that's a 16 year gap

Works brilliantly for us but I do worry about him dying and being left on my own 😞

Adore the bones of him. He is a magnificent man

Thanks bathtimesanity

We get a lot of stick because of the age gap but we are so compatible. I am sick of blokes my age who only seem interested in partying & showing off. DP is my soul mate. Cheesy but true. And if he becomes a grumpy old man, no doubt i'll be the grumpy old woman by his side

I got a jar of marmite for Christmas and DD (10) got a pair of socks. Good job I had sorted out presents.
People saying 'my DH is 47' are in for a BIG shock.