Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Give me strength!!! I've been chatting to someone on POF who seems quite normal.
I suggested we meet. He said "How about Friday evening at 10pm?".

Who meets for a first date at 10pm? Or am I just old? He's now arguing with me that there's nothing wrong with that time and can't understand why I'd be uncomfortable meeting someone at that time of night.
It's not like there's a pub we can meet at that's a short walk away. We'd both have to drive.

Am I just being awkward?

@Dayaftertomorrow I’d meet him with an open mind.

If he’s as good as he appears to be you may be able to find a workaround for the distance.

Nothing ventured nothing gained IMO!

@Myoldbrainstoppedworking I’m with you! Who on earth starts a date at 10pm?!

I have a date tomorrow evening and am apologising that I can’t get there until 8pm!

I’d be wondering why he couldn’t or wouldn’t meet earlier but I’m pretty cynical...

MyOld I get up at 5 am - 10 pm is towards the end of a night out for me!! I think he's being cheeky and seeing if you'll go for it. I wouldn't.

MyOld I think arguing about anything at this stage in the process is not the greenest flag ever!

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I bet you he already has a date that night stRting at 7pm and wants to fit you both in!

Good to hear I'm not being unreasonable about a 10pm date being too late.

My thought was that he was going to suggest going to his house. About 20 messages later, with me pointing out twice that he wasn't considering my safety, he admitted that it's because he doesn't finish work until 9pm. Why not just explain that up front??

I've told him he'd be better off finding someone else. Next!

Thanks for the replies!

He does seem lovely! I know I only have what he's said to go on but it's just that it's been so 'good'. No lovebomging; no slagging off exes; no saying anything weird to 'test me'; and, most importantly, no dick pics or attempts to sext!

I like his lifestyle, we have similar priorities, even play the same musical instruments...

It is a long way - it's also good that everyone didn't just rush in and say bad idea. But I've struggled with boyfriends who live in the same town as me because of the demands they place on your time. I think it could work better with someone who was some distance away.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?

Oh and, MyOldBrain I would agree that 10pm is too late.

Even if his finishing work reason was true, it took such an effort to get it out of him! You couldn't do with every conversation being like that.

MyOldBrain I'd be suspicious of his work reason actually. I think he's just decided to use that as an excuse because you were questioning it so much. If it was a genuine reason, he would have said that in the first place. He sounds dodgy.

myoldbrain Friday at 10?. He can do one!

dayafter give it a go. I dated a Nice man who wasn’t for me but we are friends on FB. He has been with a woman from London (he’s near Leeds) for years now and they seem to make it work. It can be done if there is enough between you to make it work.

I suggested a few alternative times when we could meet to Mr 10pm.
Funnily enough I haven't had any reply. Strange, as he's been so, so keen to meet me

The men of POF never cease to amaze me. I've not got one 20 years younger than me, convinced I'm the woman of his dreams.

Hi everyone
I recently got back into online dating after a few bad experiences. Been chatting to a man who seemed nice...but I’m having second thoughts now. He told me he’s met some ‘weirdos’ before. Then when I asked if weekdays or weekends would suit him best for a first meeting he said:

‘Either really. Meeting on a weekday would give me the chance to gauge if you're a psycho without messing up my weekend 😂 I’m sure you think the same’

I know it’s meant as a joke but this is surely something you’d think rather than say Taking into account I’m travelling to meet him, I’m considering calling it off. Or am I over reacting? Thoughts appreciated!

I'm having problems finding an evening I can meet Mr Boring. I suggested this weekend but he's nightshift Fri, has plans Saturday and his daughter on Sunday.
I have my kids next weekend.
The following weekend I have plans on the Saturday (I've not suggested Friday yet) and the next child free weekend I;m away on holiday.
Anyone else struggle to arrange convenient times?

diva I’d think that was funny and not be at all offended!

myoldbrain what no beautiful stranger whisking you off to the theatre 😂

I have my 3rd date with Mr S on Saturday. I’m going to his. He is really bugging himself up so I do hope I’m not disappointed 😜😂

Sorry I'm a bit behind.

Long distance query - I'd go for it. Nothing to lose and will always wonder if don't try

10pm Meet - no way and agree he's backtracking about work as would have been easier to just give that as the reason if it were true.

Comment about why choose a weekday - would assume just an attempt at being funny and wouldn't have an issue with it.

So I started chatting with someone I spoke with on pof at the start of my online dating exploits but let slip when I started dating someone else (don't think I'll get to grips with multi dating) and then i deleted that app. He's matched on tinder and we've started chatting. I didn't really think he'd be that interested as he's very fit and good looking (in my view) but he's today asked me to meet him. So have Wednesday pencilled in - so as long as I'm not ghosted again - I'm giving it ago again

shitwithsugaron I've updated my bumble bio with the one you shared. No takers yet, though

Myoldbrain from experience (here in France) a 10 pm start isn't a date it's because he wants you to fall into bed with him.

As long as I've been doing this I just don't seem to be able to get used to the crap men OLD!

I know what they're like, I know it's going to happen, I've def grown a thicker skin. But it still pisses me off so much.

@conversationdiva I'd take it as it was most likely intended, a joke. Totally the kind of thing I'd have said to someone!
OLD is full of weirdos so the fact he's said that wouldn't put me off either. Don't look for reasons not to meet, you'll be able to gauge better in person if you're on the same wavelength. If you think you like him, give it a chance - if it's crap then you'll have a funny story to tell at the end of it... that's how I looked at every date when I was on the sites!

Sorry all, not caught up on the posts, will read later. Just wanted to ask a question..

Anyone had a date cancelled because your Iron had met someone else and didn't want to multi-date? And then a month later send a text saying they'd made a mistake and have been thinking of me and wanted a second chance?
I think it's hilarious! I have met someone in RL though but am thinking of keeping this iron around just in case it doesn't work out. But I can't multi-date either. Any advice on how to handle it?

@midcenturylegs - I wouldn’t do it myself, but I could see why people would? I feel a bit torn about that and not sure how I’d react if someone did it to me. I think that most of me would respect that they’d been open and honest about it, and not messed you around by pretending that it’d been for another reason - three key things for me - and it’s your choice about whether to engage or not? It depends on how much you like them etc.

Saying that, if you have already met someone then my approach would be to be open and honest back - explain that it’d happened and that you were giving it a go. Offer of friendship? I think I’d be pretty sad though if I thought that things were moving on with someone that I’d met and then I found out that they’d sent a message to someone that they’d dated saying that they’d see how it worked out with me. It’s different to keep the lines of friendship open but I find the idea of keeping someone around with the potential bait of dating at some unknown point disrespectful.

I’m pretty straightforward though - if I don’t feel it then I am polite, kind and nice about it, but I mentally detach myself from the prospect of dating someone again once they’ve disengaged. I’ve only ever gone back once (the person asked for another chance and I thought that it might be worth a shot) and it was a waste of time. I get that I probably don’t play the dating game properly, though...

Just checking in folks, have sped read the thread so apologies if miss anything!

regards long distance - distance usually puts me off but if you are at the stage that he more than ticks all the right boxes then he may just be the one for you - do it, you have nothing to lose!

Funny profile - agree the one that shit posted was funny and the one after, i would swipe right on both of those.

10pm date - I'm usually in my pj's and brushing my teeth at 10pm so they can do one - Next!

Few irons, Mr Wine has gone AWOL again.....a guy on POF ho disappeared mid convo Saturday suddenly messaged last night (he hadn't been on POF since he disappeared) but no explanantion or apology.....not responding to him as a waste of time!!

Don't shout at me lol but have been communicating with Mr Italy. He seems to think i have him wrong and that i have a strange view about him (which i don't as we all know he's been an arsehole). I've agreed to meet him next week in town for coffee to chat and I will see what he has to say for himself. I think with the bit of labguage barrier it's easier to tell him face to face what is wrong. We'll see what happens!

Unsure whether to meet someone a second time.
It's been over a month since first meet and will prob be another week or two before a second meet is confirmed..
Got a message other day saying hope you enjoyed last time And would you want to meet a second time or was once enough lol

I'm basically replied saying lol will prob feel like the first meet again after the long break.
24 hours later another message saying hopefully we can pick up where we left off and asking where I would feel comfortable meeting this time around.
He's around an hour away but different counties so not ideal for transport.
I'm thinking I could give it another go then it it goes ok expect regular meetings or what's the point?
Or he is far too busy and keeping his options open?
I just feel like saying why are you still even bothering to text me.
Yes I was away but he could have asked to meet sooner...