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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband has left me and now I'll be having Christmas alone.

154 replies

Glorianaz · 19/12/2018 17:24

I am devastated and I have nobody to talk to. I found messages to other women and now he has told me he doesn't like me or want me and he wants a divorce. We have 2 children. Big Christmas planned with his family that our eldest is really looking forward to. Youngest is a baby and it's her first Christmas.

I can't believe this is happening to me. How do I even begin to deal with this?

OP posts:
whynot93 · 19/12/2018 17:29

Oh I'm so sorry perfect timing of him...! Is he just up and leaving you to deal with Christmas alone? You need to reach out to someone in real life my lovely xx

Original poster
Glorianaz · 19/12/2018 17:37

He's going to take the children to have Christmas with his family. He told me i could keep them with me if I wanted but they'd be so disappointed our eldest is excited to see his cousins and besides all of their presents are down there now. I don't feel that I have anyone to talk to in real life.

OP posts:
CheesyMother · 19/12/2018 17:39

Do you get on with his family? Can you go and he spends Xmas elsewhere?!

whynot93 · 19/12/2018 17:39

Wow that's really not on at all. So basically exclude you and take the kids for the day.. nope I'd be going along stone faced. Do not let him push you out like this!!

MilkshakeMonkey · 19/12/2018 17:42

What the hell?? Poor, poor you this is awful.
So if he’s taking the kids, what are you doing for Christmas? I assume he’s told his family he’s leaving you?
You need people around you. MNtty hand hold from me

pusspuss9 · 19/12/2018 17:42

whatever does his family say? Did they agree to this?

Original poster
Glorianaz · 19/12/2018 17:43

I can't face being around his family now. We got on ok but I don't think they like me that much. It would just be awkward and horrible for everyone. I have No where else to go and honestly right now can't bare the thought of being the black cloud over someone else's Christmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glorianaz · 19/12/2018 17:43

Haven't told his family yet as far as I know. I don't know what I'm going to say to our eldest. He's 6.

OP posts:
eve34 · 19/12/2018 17:44

It is going to be a hard day whatever you do. Can you tolerate each other and get through the day. Or would that be too hard.

Your youngest isn't going to know what day it is. Could they stay with you?

Do you have people you can be with if you can face it. I know right now you may think you can't bear to be with anyone. But at least see if you have options

Karwomannghia · 19/12/2018 17:46

What an arsehole. You really need to invite yourself to a good friend or family members house for Xmas.

Pavlova31 · 19/12/2018 17:47

So sorry to read how he has treated you Glorianaz Flowers
Do you have anyone you can talk IRL ?Brew

OhioOhioOhio · 19/12/2018 17:47

What an absolute bastard. You need to rest up. You have a lot of hard work ahead of you. If you think he is a pig now just wait til you get strong.

Thisnamechanger · 19/12/2018 17:47

Oh OP you poor love, I'm so sorry.

TatianaLarina · 19/12/2018 17:49

I don’t think your kids will want Christmas without you.

They will want to see you more than their cousins.

flowerfields · 19/12/2018 17:52

I'm so sorry this has happened to you Thanks
I agree with previous posts saying your kids will want you there at Christmas. I'm not sure what to suggest though. So sorry what an awful situation

Original poster
Glorianaz · 19/12/2018 17:52

I don't have any friends apart from his sister who obviously can't go against her brother so it's inappropriate to talk to her. I'm not close with my family anymore and can't really bare to speak to them right now. I want the kids to have a good Christmas and the way I feel right now I can't imagine they'd have a good time with me. I just can't believe this is really happening.

OP posts:
TheDownsideUp · 19/12/2018 17:53

I'd go round to his family, get all the kids gifts and tell them that, unfortunately due to your DH's disloyalty and him now leaving you and breaking up the family at xmas, the kids will be spending Xmas at home with you. They can see the kids Xmas eve or some other day.

He shouldn't get to do this. You should be with your kids on Xmas day, not alone whole he has his cake and eats it!

What a pig.

Where are your family?

FlowersFlowersFlowers

nannytothequeen · 19/12/2018 17:54

What an arsehole. Tell him to go and retrieve the presents and have your own Christmas with your kids. He can go anywhere he likes as long as he is out of your sight. There will be chances for other family christmases for your eldest and anyway, it's not a family Christmas if mum isn't there. Don't let him dictate to you what is happening. You will feel a little better if you take control. So sorry.

TheDownsideUp · 19/12/2018 17:54

*while (not whole)

TatianaLarina · 19/12/2018 17:54

I want the kids to have a good Christmas and the way I feel right now I can't imagine they'd have a good time with me

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. You’re their mummy and they love you.

kidsneedfathers · 19/12/2018 17:56

Gloria
Do not set a precedent where he excludes you from his plan. He built up this awful situation. He has not yet even told his parents. DON'T CALL YOURSELF AS A BLACK CLOUD. Call his family and tell them about your situation: just say that you are getting separated; your kids have been building expectations to ward Christmas . This is why you are coming despite you and their father getting separated. (Don't bring the dirty details that he is leaving you out of the blues:-they will always side up why him- and that you don't have where to go to in Christmas: YOU HAVE WHERE TO GO. It is WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE. He didn't tell you about his plans to get separated and you prepared to go with your kids to his parents. So go there.DON'T STAY ON YOUR OWN. Then slowly and with the help of a therapist build your future and your circle of friends so you have with whom you and your kids can spend next Christmas

Natasha4767 · 19/12/2018 17:57

Awww hun. I spent last Christmas on my own the kids were at there dads it was awful but it’s only one day and it does go by eventually. I do recommend reaching out to family but if like mine your not that close it sometimes feels like there is no point. Keep strong. Lots of love and hugs xxx

SandyY2K · 19/12/2018 18:00

Keep the youngest with you. Let the older one go.

I'd also let his family know why you aren't coming...as he will most likely lie to you.

Not in a complaining way...just tell them the facts.

Welshheart · 19/12/2018 18:03

Well I agree that he shodnt get to dictate where the kids spend Xmas due to his disloyalty,I'd stand my ground & keep the kids with you or let the others go but the baby stays with you. End of.

I've got a 11 month old, & his brother whose now 23, I brought up by myself.... His dad had them on boxing day & they saw his family then.. Its not fair that you spend it without them, its Him that needs to work around you & not the other way around.
I feel for you as I don't have any friends either I could turn to & it's not easy, he said he doesn't like you well that's tough, & his problem not yours.

Hear for you if you need to talk. Big hugs sweetheart x

FenellasRedVelvetDress · 19/12/2018 18:04

Ok, you need to take a deep breath and try and get through this stage.
Hopefully the angry stage will be along soon and it’s ( in my opinion) better for your mental health to be angry with him rather than this awful, shocked, knocked for six , crying stage you are at now.

I’m so sorry you have no support where you are.
What is your relationship like with your in laws? Could you go to Christmas there with the children?
If not then I think you should keep the baby with you on Christmas Day. She won’t remember anything and it would be better for you than being totally on your own.
Do you have any support - friends, family- anywhere else that you could go to?

Personally I would let him take the kids on Christmas Day . Then I would spend the entire time photo copying all important documents, moving every penny of transferable money into my own name, changing passwords on everything and packing his bags. I would have booked an appointment with the best divorce lawyer in town and be planning for that. But that’s me - I would have to force myself to fall out of love with him ASAP .

I’m sure you will get lots of great advice and supportive messages on here but you will need some real life support and I really really hope you get some soon.

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