Confronting DH about his sulking

[jamaisjedors]

To cut a long story short, we went away for the weekend for my birthday plus the anniversary of a family bereavement for me and DH gave me the silent treatment and sulked all day Saturday and pretty much all weekend.

We sat down and discussed our point of views about the weekend and I have expressed how lonely and hurt I felt. He has expressed that he felt I was ungrateful and ruined his weekend and failed to ask what was wrong with him.

It's been left there. I think he thinks that's that, done but I can't get past it and feel really distant from him.

This is not the first time he's done it, and actually I swore never to let him get away with it again, yet I'm still here.

I'm not perfect and this is what he will bring up if I confront him but I'm not sure how to bring it up without taking it all over again.

I'm thinking of leaving but maybe that's overdramatic, seems ridiculous to end a 20+ year relationship and shake up my kids lives for this - maybe I need to get a thicker skin?

Currently preparing for new year.

H is being husband and father of the year, joking, doing loads of jobs, doing stuff with the kids.

I just feel numb.

I am also walking round our lovely house looking at all the things I spent hours on - sanding floors, painting walls and windows, picking out furniture and pictures.

He is following the script. Funny how we knew he would behave like this today even though we've never met him. Who does he think he is kidding.

You can make your new home your own OP and you will be relaxed and happy there. It will be calm and cosy and you will feel like a weight has gone off your shoulders.

I bet he will be grumpy tomorrow and leave all the clearing up to you.

Thanks @fairenuff

Just remember all that stuff is just stuff in the end. Yes you’ll miss it, but you can do all those things in your new house

It is, it's true. I've never been that bothered about stuff before and have often craved a smaller simpler house and lifestyle.

I guess it's just now that I'm envisaging leaving it all behind and starting again that I see how lovely it is.

It's true that our beautiful bedroom (for example) is no consolation when I'm weeping there after another put down from him.

Just keep singing Abba's 'Knowing me, knowing you'. It's a song about acceptance, about doing what is right even though it's difficult to do.

You've tried so hard for so many years. You even made that promise to yourself that the next time he did it would be the last time. You could not have done anything more.

We just have to face it this time we're through
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do

I'll put that on my playlist! Was thinking of starting one after "freedom" by George Michael came in the radio the other day when I had just set up the appointment with the solicitor.

Ooh well you need to add for when he's really pissing you off

'And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me'

Done!!!

I will survive - Gloria Gaynor.

Sorry you are going through this jamaisjedors

How could I forget that one!

Was inspired by randomly hearing this :
Dual lipa idgaf

"So I cut you off
I don't need your love
'Cause I already cried enough
I've been done
I've been movin' on since we said goodbye
I cut you off
I don't need your love, so you can try all you want
Your time is up, I'll tell you why"

IDGAF g.co/kgs/AZ85XP

More for the playlist:

Taylor Swift - We are never getting back
together ('this is exhausting' - she KNOWS it)
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger
McAlmont and Butler - Yes

You can do this

🤗😁

Just found a great article about leaving after emotional abuse - might be useful for others in a similar situation.

thoughtcatalog.com/toni-cormier/2017/06/the-unedited-truth-about-leaving-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/

Just called the owner of the house to agree on terms and conditions and to tell her I want it.

She is going to put me in touch with the agency who will be managing it for her.

She is ok for me to repaint one of the bedrooms and the living room if I want to.

Feeling shaky but positive that it's the right thing.

Thank you for the link. I have an awful family of origin but luckily my husband is lovely. That link is so useful.

I'm so glad you're getting out. There's a saying that I find useful: Let go or be dragged.

Just be free.

That's great about the house OP.

I definitely agree with writing down a list of all the really nasty and cruel things he's said and done to you. One is springing to my mind already: you'd just lost your dad and he sulked for two days. That's actually almost inhumane. When you tell him you're leaving have the piece of paper in your hand. When he looks heartbroken, starts crying, says don't take my children away, compare his feelings with the hours, days, weeks of pain and sadness contained in your list.

He chose to behave this way.
It suited him. He knew he was hurting you.
You're now choosing to put an end to it, because he won't.

That's great OP. Thing are really coming together nicely.

Wishing you all the best for the new year.

Harrowing reading your link op, well done you X

And good luck

Thanks all. Happy new year! Very hard this evening because H is his best self, I definitely need to write in a piece of paper all the horrible things he's said or done.

How long will best self last? What's the longest he's done it?

What if you used the wrong knife or something now?

Now there's a little party game to amuse yourself with this evening. Do the things that annoy him and then watch him struggle to decide whether to maintain the nice guy façade or put you down like he would if no-one else was there to witness it.

@jamaisjedors just keep reading this thread from the start when you need a head wobble. It will help you remember why you've reached this point.

Jamais stay strong. You sound like a lovely, lovely woman and you do deserve so much better than what he is giving you. The lovely man of the moment is also the ass who leaves your weeping and questioning yourself constantly. Don't let him fool you again.

Happy new year when it comes. You can do this. Your DC will thank you in the long run 💐