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Original poster

Heartbroken. Why did he choose her? And how can I get him back?

343 replies

Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 22:32

I’m a single mum of 2. 5 and 2 yo. There dad left when the youngest one was 2 months.

He is the love of my life, I’ve never felt anything like what I did for him. He showed me what real love was. And took my kids in his stride. I never introduced him to them cos I didn’t want them to get too attached until he committed. But he was amazing with pressies and he helped me out with rent and credit card bills during stressful times like Xmas and birthdays.

We decided to take a breather cos he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted a “ready made family”. I gave him all the space he needed and anyway I was so busy with my kids that I didn’t think a lot about it and assumed he’d be back once he’d had a bit of time.

But he ended it and said he cared about me and my kids but that he thought we should see other people.

So I did. Went online dating, met a few lads went on dates but nothing compared to him.

After a couple of months I decided to text him. Just a breezy hi, how are you? And he text back “looking good darling” commenting on my fb photo. We went out and ended up in bed.

Didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks so I text him again to say “how you doing stranger”. He rang me immediately to say that he’d met someone else and that we couldn’t be friends.

I was like WTF???? And asked him why her and not me. He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

I can’t help but think that I played it all wrong by accepting him paying my rent and stuff for my kids. I d do anything to turn the clock back. What should I do to get him back?

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 10/12/2018 22:59

And now he's with someone else, so he CAN talk to women, can't he?

Original poster
Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 23:01

Yeah and I bet she’s some ugly but clever girl from work or something.

OP posts:
Letsmove1t · 10/12/2018 23:02

OP your main focus should be your DCs. Forget men, you need to be the DCs everything & they grow up & away quickly. You can’t do a thing to influence this man & neither should you try. Unfortunately he’s told you he’s gone. Accept it please & don’t feel bad about taking money, he offered, but don’t go asking him for more sex or money- both may be on offer ( including nasty diseases) but love & security not this man

Bernina · 10/12/2018 23:02

He's clearly told you why he choose someone else you don't need to wonder!

Original poster
Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 23:03

Without being horrible or anything he was lucky to go out with me and he use to say it all the time. What a lucky guy he was. So why her and not me? It doesn’t make sense.

OP posts:
lottielottielottie · 10/12/2018 23:04

OP

Let him go. He wasn't that into you. Do not embarrass yourself thinking you can change his decision. He had the decency to tell you his reasons. It's difficult but stop it with asking how you can fix this because you can't. It's shit. It hurts. Shit happens Thanks

JW1226 · 10/12/2018 23:05

Well as your so "lovely" and he was "lucky" he was using you for some sexual excitement he might have enjoyed you for the short time and wasn't in it for the long run. Sorry to put it so bluntly.

Bernina · 10/12/2018 23:05

But he told you it's because you have kids and she probably doesn't.

Original poster
Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 23:05

@Letsmoveit

That’s what upsets me though. He DID offer love and security. More than anything else. That’s why he gave me rent money and pay my debts. Because he said he loved me and what was his was mine. So why did he change his mind?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/12/2018 23:06

You are 28 ? Hmm

Original poster
Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 23:07

He told me the sex we had was the best ever. I bet he’s having really shit sex with her and will be back before too long.

OP posts:
Teedeepie · 10/12/2018 23:07

The reality is that the only thing you could do to win him back is not be who you are with the responsibilities you have. Harsh but true. The only saving grace is he has been honest with you in the end.

You are still young and will eventually find the right one for you who embraces all you have to offer including your DC.

It’s hard I know but you will get through this and the only way is to go no contact and be the best you that you can be and only for yourself and your DC. Good luck Flowers

Bernina · 10/12/2018 23:09

If you take him back then more fool you. You need to work on your self respect if you think he'll come back for sex and you'll oblige.

Original poster
Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 23:09

I’m 26 AF. Why the sarcastic face?

OP posts:
RyderWhiteSwan · 10/12/2018 23:10

Yeah and I bet she’s some ugly but clever girl from work or something

Looks aren't everything, as you're finding out. Whoever the new GF is, or what she looks like is immaterial. He prefers her to you. You need to accept that.

JW1226 · 10/12/2018 23:10

I'm sorry your going through this your probably in disbelief and gone into competitive mode.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship there's more to it he must have been interested in the Other Woman to suggest seeing other people.
He's already said he doesn't want to take on your children so cuddle up to them and stay strong for them. Someone else is waiting for you it might not be tomorrow but one day you'll find someone who truly loves you and accept you and your children.x

trulybadlydeeply · 10/12/2018 23:11

But ultimately he wasn't nice, decent and kind, was he? He was with you for 18 months, and then decided he didn't want someone who had children. Think about what you expect for your children as they grow - if you have a boy, do you expect that they will treat a partner like this? If you have a girl, do you expect that they would put up with treatment like this from a partner? I would hope that you don't expect that for them, so you need to model those expectations in your own life.

This man has shown his true colours, and he's gone. Better now than he does that in five years time. Take this experience and learn from it. It sounds like there was quite a short period of time inbetween your Dc's dad leaving, and you getting together with this man. Take time now to truly find out who who are and what you want in life. What beliefs do you hold about yourself that have lead to you wanting this man back, despite the way he has treated you. You are worth so much more than that.

Let this man go, and use this opportunity for growth, and to move forward as a strong woman and strong parent. Set the bar high, discover what your values and expectations are, and believe yourself worthy of good things in life. You don't need to turn the clock back or try and get him back.

Dirtybadger · 10/12/2018 23:11

Why do you think she is clever, ugly, and he isn't having good sex with it? All sympathy lost Hmm

The reality of step kids hit him and he didn't want it. Fair enough. Find someone who wants the same things as you and is on the same level in terms of values and finances, I guess.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2018 23:12

He’ll only come back if you let him. And you shouldn’t.

He wasn’t your partner if you weren’t living together and he didn’t know your children. He was a boyfriend who’s now moved on and that’s sometimes what happens in relationships.

RyderWhiteSwan · 10/12/2018 23:12

Offering yourself up to him for sex won't help you get over him.

Behappy2 · 10/12/2018 23:12

OP, your the EXACT same girl who posted this a couple of weeks ago. Are you joking? The people who wrote to you on your original post said that you need to move on, that you need to get over him if he doesn't want you and that he can CHOOSE whether he wants to be with someone who has kids already or not, sometimes that's a dealbreaker for some people. I know exactly what your going to say next because you said it the last time you posted that you know he loves you because you's 'made love', that he has feelings for you because when you made love you could tell, that he was the best sex you've ever heard, yada yada yada. I don't understand why you've posted AGAIN. I'm sorry for being harsh but the last time you posted you got nearly 300 comments from people giving you advice on what to do and yet your back here again with the SAME post asking for advice about the SAME issue. Everyone started calling you delusional with the amount of comments that you posted in reply to people because you were rude. I didn't reply then because quite frankly everyone was giving you decent advice but why are you writing this again and your probably going to get the same advice and you won't do anything to change how you feel about it? He doesn't want you, end off. You can't make someone be in a relationship with you if they don't want to be. It's not your fault that he doesn't want a 'ready made' family but that's up to him if he's willing to do that which he clearly isn't. I don't know why your getting so upset about this AGAIN when really you should be moving forward instead of just staying in the same place.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2018 23:14

You are delusional. If he wanted to be with you he would. It really is that simple.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 10/12/2018 23:14

From your posts on here I've no idea why he left you. You sound charming!
He's told you he doesn't want a ready made family. Get over it.

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2018 23:15

If all he wants from you is good sex that’s hardly the basis of a lasting relationship.
You sound about 14.
Move on.

Behappy2 · 10/12/2018 23:15

@Aquamarine1029 she posted this a couple of weeks ago and a lot of people said exactly the same as you, she's delusional. That's why I posted the comment up above.

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