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Original poster

Heartbroken. Why did he choose her? And how can I get him back?

343 replies

Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 22:32

I’m a single mum of 2. 5 and 2 yo. There dad left when the youngest one was 2 months.

He is the love of my life, I’ve never felt anything like what I did for him. He showed me what real love was. And took my kids in his stride. I never introduced him to them cos I didn’t want them to get too attached until he committed. But he was amazing with pressies and he helped me out with rent and credit card bills during stressful times like Xmas and birthdays.

We decided to take a breather cos he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted a “ready made family”. I gave him all the space he needed and anyway I was so busy with my kids that I didn’t think a lot about it and assumed he’d be back once he’d had a bit of time.

But he ended it and said he cared about me and my kids but that he thought we should see other people.

So I did. Went online dating, met a few lads went on dates but nothing compared to him.

After a couple of months I decided to text him. Just a breezy hi, how are you? And he text back “looking good darling” commenting on my fb photo. We went out and ended up in bed.

Didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks so I text him again to say “how you doing stranger”. He rang me immediately to say that he’d met someone else and that we couldn’t be friends.

I was like WTF???? And asked him why her and not me. He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

I can’t help but think that I played it all wrong by accepting him paying my rent and stuff for my kids. I d do anything to turn the clock back. What should I do to get him back?

OP posts:
NameChangerAmI · 11/12/2018 01:09

He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

Flowers I think it's self explanatory - but to him, uncomplicated means someone who is independent financially, and who doesn't have children. Tbh, if I was young, free and single, I 'd probably feel the same.

Armchairanarchist · 11/12/2018 01:11

You seem to think sex and looks are everything, they're a small part of what makes a long and loving relationship. The vitriol you spew at someone you've never met and has done nothing to you is awful. If you've said any of this to your ex no wonder he's running. It's nasty.

NameChangerAmI · 11/12/2018 01:14

OP, you sound a bit unhinged tbh.

Tell yourself he's having shit sex with her if it makes you feel better. I think you should just leave the guy and his gf alone, and move on.

How long were you together?

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 11/12/2018 01:15

He doesn't want a relationship with partner who has children - Her got spooked before he even met your children so I would listen to what he has said.

You have children - Young children who will be emotionally and financially dependant on you for the next 16 years at the very least.

There is no compromise to be had here.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 11/12/2018 01:16

He not her

Iloveautumnleaves · 11/12/2018 01:19

You are all over the place, you need help. A good therapist can help you sort your life out. See your GP and ask for help.

NorthEndGal · 11/12/2018 01:26

No matter how you hash it, you and him are well and truly done.
He isn't thinking about you, he's focused on his new relationship.
He has move on
Now you need to do the same

colleaguedecreepo · 11/12/2018 01:30

He may well have loved you.

He doesn't now.

I have a certain amount of sympathy because it hurts.

But. I don't like the bitching about the new girlfriend. It isn't her fault he likes her better.

You didn't push him away. Someone will take a shedload of pushing and will still stay if they want to be with you.

Move on lass.

kittencatmeow · 11/12/2018 01:30

Oh love. You fell for him. We all do... but they don't actually mean the stuff they say. They say it because it feels right at the time to say it. They think it... in THAT moment.

I have an ex I feel like I blew it with and occasionally wish I could magic back to me. It wasn't a long relationship but it felt very real and wonderful and doesn't compare to anyone before... but I know in my heart it wasn't real for him... if it was he would not have left. Maybe he meant everything he said at the time... but he stopped and nothing I can do now he is happy with someone else will return him. So to "love him" I'm just glad he's happy and stopped torturing myself by thinking I could do this or that... I couldn't change anything. His feelings weren't the same as much as I wished they were.

At some point I will find someone who it is real with... as will you.... if you let this one go!

Thisimmortalcurl · 11/12/2018 01:30

I feel for you, it’s difficult to go through any break up especially being young with two kids and it does sound like you really liked him.
I do .. and I speak from experience think that people to tend crap themselves and re evaluate the relationship when is gets to a more serious stage .. with or without kids .
And folk with kids .. like I was , single mother of two like you are much harder work . The reality if you are going to develop the relationship means so much emotional and likely financial energy .
Some people either want to do that with there own children or not at all . Sometimes people feel privileged that you let them into your ready made family and want it and appreciate it .

However it doesn’t sound like he was one of them .
You sound like you have been through shite before so I have no doubt that after awhile you will pick yourself up from this and focus on enjoying your kids and social life abs will no doubt go on to meeting someone that you like again.

Original poster
Whattheelf · 11/12/2018 01:41

I have been through shite before &Thisimmortalcurl. My kids dad left after promising he’d be with me forever. Now I’m left alone again. But the guy I’m talking about is different from my kids dad. He really cared and listened. I felt loved. More than I’ve ever felt in my life. And I fucked it up by not being able to be there enough for him because of my kids and I shouldn’t have taken his money. He loved me more than I loved him at first. And now the tables have turned and I’m a fucking wreck.

OP posts:
SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 11/12/2018 01:51

And I fucked it up by not being able to be there enough for him because of my kids

Never ever regret making your children a priority.

kittencatmeow · 11/12/2018 01:52

Sweetheart please think about getting some counselling before you start resenting your children because of this man.

He isn't worth that!

What was so wonderful about him? Was it who he was or actually how he made you feel?

Feelings can be recreated... with someone new, once you have healed

Sunflowersforever · 11/12/2018 01:55

You sound drunk.

Your poor children having to cope with you in this state and probably picking up on the vibe it's because of them which it clearly isn't.

Time to grow up and take responsibility.

Alfie190 · 11/12/2018 01:56

I think taking the money wasn't wise. Buy I think this is more about compatibility than you actually having messed up. He realised it wasn't what he wanted, like people do every day when they are dating.

Thisimmortalcurl · 11/12/2018 01:56

It sounds awful sore . The thing is though when you have kids they do take the bulk of your time , there is nothing you can do about it that’s just the way motherhood is .
They will always be there and you are there number 1 . That’s much more important than anything else .
Whatever he is doing and whoever with .. you are right in that you say it’s not you as what you had is only between the two of you .
It does sound like the best thing for you to do is stop beating yourself up about things that were normal re you looking after your kids and taking money because you needed it .
You have friends , you have kids and I’m sure this horrible pain with pass .

APlanerideawayyy1 · 11/12/2018 02:04

What did you do with this ex, did you go out together meals, gigs, sports, walks, go to each other's houses and families, friends , visit new places? How did you spend your time ?

Santasushi · 11/12/2018 02:14

You sound obsessed by his money.

Gina2012 · 11/12/2018 02:18

what’s wrong with accepting his money though?

Nothing

This isn't about the money

This is about your XP choosing someone else to date , someone less complicated than you

That is all

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 11/12/2018 02:20

Hang on wasn't there a thread exactly like this a week or so ago.

Poster was in love with a bloke who'd asked for a break her kids adored him etc, he came back had sex with op, had what the op called the best sex, then a couple of weeks later inforned her that he'd got a new girlfriend and blocked the poster.

The poster said things like why her not me and we were increadable in bed together sex with tje new girkfriend cabt be as good.

Just saying this sounds very familiar

selepele · 11/12/2018 02:22

its nothing to do with you accepting his money, he is just a prick and it seems he became uninterested due to lack of communication between both of you. He also seems to see your kids as baggage which is no good for you.

trust me you will find someone else who does the same things for you who treats you good and accepts your kids.

You are feeling rejected right now but you will be okay

HereIgoagainxx · 11/12/2018 02:27

Naught it's the sane poster

kittencatmeow · 11/12/2018 02:33

Say he did come back... would it ever be the same? No. You wouldn't trust him. The damage has already ruined what you thought you had.

It's gone. And that's okay... fantastic even... now you're free for someone better

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 11/12/2018 02:40

That was my point herewego that its clearly some one whos on the pee take, and therefore any advice other than your a bit weird/delisional get over herself amd her non existant best shag ever, is going to fall on deaf ears, well even thats going to fall on deaf ears.

User name and some of the details have changed its gone from 8 months to a 1 year and half but if anyone thinks people are being harsh or this op is serious this the tread we're talking about
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3431784-Why-did-he-block-me-I-fucking-hate-him

OP you werent the best shag he'd ever had, his new girlfriend probaly isnt even aware you exist, shes probably not ugly either. Move on, get some dignity and grow up. You sound about 2.

Unicornandbows · 11/12/2018 02:44

You can be a pornstar in bed and give the best night of a guys /womans life BUT that is not enough you need some sort of equal footing and in this case he had told you he doesn't want the financial burden of your family and neither does he want to be with you and has moved on. Get the message and move the fuck on!

The gf has not done anything wrong and you loose all sympathy in your attitude towards her!