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Original poster

Heartbroken. Why did he choose her? And how can I get him back?

343 replies

Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 22:32

I’m a single mum of 2. 5 and 2 yo. There dad left when the youngest one was 2 months.

He is the love of my life, I’ve never felt anything like what I did for him. He showed me what real love was. And took my kids in his stride. I never introduced him to them cos I didn’t want them to get too attached until he committed. But he was amazing with pressies and he helped me out with rent and credit card bills during stressful times like Xmas and birthdays.

We decided to take a breather cos he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted a “ready made family”. I gave him all the space he needed and anyway I was so busy with my kids that I didn’t think a lot about it and assumed he’d be back once he’d had a bit of time.

But he ended it and said he cared about me and my kids but that he thought we should see other people.

So I did. Went online dating, met a few lads went on dates but nothing compared to him.

After a couple of months I decided to text him. Just a breezy hi, how are you? And he text back “looking good darling” commenting on my fb photo. We went out and ended up in bed.

Didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks so I text him again to say “how you doing stranger”. He rang me immediately to say that he’d met someone else and that we couldn’t be friends.

I was like WTF???? And asked him why her and not me. He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

I can’t help but think that I played it all wrong by accepting him paying my rent and stuff for my kids. I d do anything to turn the clock back. What should I do to get him back?

OP posts:
dippledorus · 11/12/2018 14:19

I raised an eyebrow at her not being able to afford ford and rent without him giving her money - money that she didn't pay back. I'm not sure that I'd want to be in that situation with someone I was only dating 8 months.

If it was 8 months and he met her kids, not 18 and he didn't meet them.

Kumali · 11/12/2018 14:23

Op you really do sound very young.. Bit like my teens having a meltdown.. What would you say to your daughter if you have one if she came to you in this position?

MarthasGinYard · 11/12/2018 14:24

'Can't help notice that the op only came back to answer someone justifying her taking his money.'

Quite

All seems to be about the money and the fuck

Poor dc

MarthasGinYard · 11/12/2018 14:25

I'd wondered if Op had been drinking overly emotional and would come back today a little different.

Seems not

dippledorus · 11/12/2018 14:26

*food

Katinkka · 11/12/2018 14:26

Stop looking for a meal ticket and concentrate on your children. However ‘good looking’ and ‘great in bed’ you are, you’re immature, insolvent and don’t seem to have much else going for you. I can’t understand why he was with you in the first place.

Alfie190 · 11/12/2018 15:02

I am coming round to the idea that OP was primarily looking for security, with all the references to the money, but I think it could have been subconsciously.

I think she might be in love with the idea of a blissful life of being looked after, rather than the man himself, but she has not realised it yet. Give it a while and I think she will.

Dallasty · 11/12/2018 16:10

You state that you didn't ask for money, but lets face it, you made it quite clear what was going to happen to you and YOUR kids if the rent isn't paid. You deliberately put the guy in a difficult position on a guilt trip. He probably got sick of hearing about the financial issues. That coupled with what is clearly your nasty personality...Guy has had a lucky escape...you sound like a right ghastly catch TBH. I expect he's relieved to be rid of you.

Shallowshallow · 11/12/2018 16:15

Were you really going to be homeless? Because if you weren't, that could be why he had a change of heart. Why could you not afford your rent this time? What changed. Or has he been paying your rent for months?

Astella22 · 11/12/2018 16:34

Sounds like you only want him now cos you can’t have him. Lowered your standards .....please Blush I’m embarrassed for you with a statement like that. Of course he helped you out with rent and bills cos that’s what a nice guy does but clearly it made him realise how MUCH support you and your kids would need. Plus paying bills for kids he doesn’t even know is a bit ridiculous. When he offered you should I’d declined. Too late now. All you can do is move on.

DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn · 11/12/2018 17:03

he’ll never get the sex off her like he did with me. Stupid cow

Yeah, so stupid that she chose to have two kids with a man who buggered off when his youngest was 2 months old.

Baking101 · 11/12/2018 19:05

Yeah, so stupid that she chose to have two kids with a man who buggered off when his youngest was 2 months old.

Well the op is stupid, but not for this reason. There's a fair amount of women on here who that happens too, but they aren't stupid. It's just shit circumstances.

user1490465531 · 11/12/2018 19:11

Maybe she's more on his intellect level.

forumdonkey · 11/12/2018 19:11

If OP's posts are a reflection of her personality then I'm not surprised he finished things.

What did you do before you dated your ex about making sure your had food and rent? What are you going to do now he's gone?

I know someone who is always 'stressed and crying' that she hasn't got any money and essential bills to pay, but she always has new clothes, nails done, sky TV and the latest mobile phone.

user1490465531 · 11/12/2018 19:14

Probably the thought of being lumbered with you for the rest of his life scared the shit out of him.

dontforgettofloss · 11/12/2018 19:27

OP I know you're struggling to move on, and I know how hard it is when someone you love doesn't want you, but believe me, things will get easier, and you will move on from him.
Unfortunately, only time will heal, you need to be on your own for a while and become strong.
I speak from experience, I came out of a horrible relationship and fell in love with someone that didn't want me, it was painful, really painful for a good couple of years, but I had no choice but to carry on, I stayed single (still am single) and took up running, and I'm nowhere near the woman I was back then when I was pining for someone who didn't want me.

Somehow, I'm stronger, god knows how, but my standards have raised, and when I do decide to have another relationship, I'll be extremely picky about who I decide to share my life with

Kisskiss · 11/12/2018 19:29

Stop blaming yourself OP. He left you for something totally out of your control.. the fact that you have kids.. and that he had to fund you sometimes , also mostly out of your control.
Truth is, he has the right to choose if he wants to be with someone with kids or not. It’s actually a blessing he made up his mind and pulled the plug now, it avoids the situation getting messier ( if you had introduced your kids to him) or wasting more of your time.

You’ll find someone who loves you and your family, waste no more time on this one!

Ps I know you’re hurt but don’t say nasty things about the other woman, you don’t know her at all, it doesn’t look great and frankly isn’t very nice

alansleftfoot · 11/12/2018 20:32

I've read this before Hmm

FlorencesHunger · 11/12/2018 21:37

Doubt op will Come back..

Your ego and Feelings might be hurt op but it's done now and he really didn't do anything wrong.
Only thing left is to pick yourself up and focus on you and your kids and sorting your life out.

He gave money of his own free will when you needed it and that was kind of him but by no means does it equate to any measure of love.

Being young and beautiful and shit hot in bed is superficial and never last. There's more value in life long relationships than just those things.

People having their relative shit together and their own independence is an attractive trait to have amongst other things.

I'm in similar position to you op, single parent etc but I have enough insight and understanding to not expect every man who I have a relationship with to fall at my feet and be greatful I dated them.
Sure my ego has twinged on occasion but I'm adult enough to let go and move on.

I wouldn't like someone to settle for me no l
More than me settle for them.

Dirtybadger · 11/12/2018 21:40

@drinkingtealiketonybenn
That's really uncalled for. Remember you're insulting everyone else whose partners up and leave them with kids, too...
Whether OP is stupid or not ain't nothing to do with that, as someone else has pointed out. That's as cheap as the bad sex and ugly comment she made.

Runningishard · 11/12/2018 21:54

He’s probably found that brains are as sexy as looks, in fact more so. He didn’t want to be a meal ticket. I think op is gutted that she came close to netting a man of means but he got away

lottielottielottie · 12/12/2018 08:07

OP ignore the nasty comments x

And refrain from thinking about / retaliating / name calling the other girl! We all get angry when we are hurt.

I hope you are feeling ok today. Heartbreak sucks & it hurts.

Every liaison, every breakup, even heartbreak teaches you lessons for the future & your experiences all form part of your life unfortunately.

Take some time out to reflect & pick yourself up. Sending hugs ThanksThanksThanks

user1479305498 · 12/12/2018 09:47

Actually I think he sounds like an ok guy who realised that he wasn’t comfortable with a ready made family, I do think he liked you OP , hence why he called you and hadn’t blocked you etc, but realised over time you didn’t come as ‘just you’ . It’s sad but it happens and better it happened before house buying, more kids, marriage etc

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 12/12/2018 09:53

Where is the other thread?

DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn · 12/12/2018 09:56

@Dirtybadger exactly, that's my point. My comment is as invalid as OP's cheap shots at the new GF when she too has done nothing wrong.