Heartbroken. Why did he choose her? And how can I get him back?

[Whattheelf]

I’m a single mum of 2. 5 and 2 yo. There dad left when the youngest one was 2 months.

He is the love of my life, I’ve never felt anything like what I did for him. He showed me what real love was. And took my kids in his stride. I never introduced him to them cos I didn’t want them to get too attached until he committed. But he was amazing with pressies and he helped me out with rent and credit card bills during stressful times like Xmas and birthdays.

We decided to take a breather cos he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted a “ready made family”. I gave him all the space he needed and anyway I was so busy with my kids that I didn’t think a lot about it and assumed he’d be back once he’d had a bit of time.

But he ended it and said he cared about me and my kids but that he thought we should see other people.

So I did. Went online dating, met a few lads went on dates but nothing compared to him.

After a couple of months I decided to text him. Just a breezy hi, how are you? And he text back “looking good darling” commenting on my fb photo. We went out and ended up in bed.

Didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks so I text him again to say “how you doing stranger”. He rang me immediately to say that he’d met someone else and that we couldn’t be friends.

I was like WTF???? And asked him why her and not me. He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

I can’t help but think that I played it all wrong by accepting him paying my rent and stuff for my kids. I d do anything to turn the clock back. What should I do to get him back?

Well the OP dealt a really low blow in suggesting that unless you're good looking then you must be shit in bed and a stupid cow. I'm not good looking so yes, I took it personally. If you can't take it then don't dish it out (her, not you).

It sounds like you enjoyed being in the position where you thought you called the shots.

You were the attractive one, he was lucky to be with you, he paid for things Because he was so lucky, and now you don't like it because he has moved on.

It's not because you love him that you feel this way, it's because he doesn't love you anymore and you don't have that hold over him.

I very much doubt he will be thinking of you when he is with his new girlfriend, he has made his feelings quite clear. You just need to realise you've lost the power and move on.

What's shameful beyond belief is the DC's dad being able to fuck off and leave OP in a situation where she feels the need to accept financial help from a man who hadn't even met the children. Why does that make the new GF an acceptable target for OP's abusive comments?

DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn has the op confirmed that their dad has nothing to do with them?

I don't think anyone is saying the OP can say those things. But when you posted you didn't say "saying those things is like me saying *, OP. I'm sure you agree that it isn't fair?"
Your post implied you believed what you were saying

I didn't say the dad had nothing to do with them, I referred to the OP's financial situation - she said earlier she needed that money to keep a roof over her kids' heads.

Anyway I am going to bow out now, sorry if my clumsily worded point offended. I have spent my life being/feeling "ugly" so to realise I must be shit in bed too stung a bit.

What's shameful beyond belief is the DC's dad being able to fuck off and leave OP in a situation where she feels the need to accept financial help from a man who hadn't even met the children.

He has met the children. She said he hadn't because she knows that's what women on MN want single mums to say.

And where is the evidence that her ex is responsible for her lack of funds now? We have no idea about the circumstances of her break up, the reasons for it, or what he does or doesn't give her financially and in any event she'll be in receipt of HB which she's clearly not always ring fencing for rent.

@DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn we all have our insecurities. What one person finds attractive, another will find unattractive. I'm sorry you feel that way. I just imagined OP being more broken than she already is reading that hence me trying to back her up. Looks aren't everything as OP has probably learnt now.

OP I hope you have learnt your lesson regarding saying horrible personal things about other women

Peace out ..... tea & cake 🍰 for everybody 😂 thank you for the apology @DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn . My faith in human beings is restored x

OP come back & say you are sorry too 😂👊🏻 x

@DrinkingTeaLikeTonyBenn - her ex doesn’t have to bail her out. There not together and he doesn’t have to pay for the roof over her head. The op needs to sort out her own financial mess!

OP you sound like a child!! I think he’s had a lucky escape from you. Taking his money, paying for things for your children.
Talking crap about how she’s probably crap in bed which is just you making up stuff. Grow up.

I didn't say the dad had nothing to do with them, I referred to the OP's financial situation - she said earlier she needed that money to keep a roof over her kids' heads.

My point was who is to say he doesn't pay for the children. As far as we know he could be giving her loads of money and she is getting this bloke to bail her out as well.

I think the fact that you put your children before your relationship with him the whole time you were together is admirable.

You are just angry and hurt at the moment. Most people have said similar things to you to their friends at the end of a relationship like this. It's just that our friends would say 'yes she probably some ugly clever cow' as they would be trying to make us feel better.

I'm sorry to hear this, and I understand that this is not the outcome you wished for. I too have the experience of being with a man who is a single parent. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but I was constantly putting out fires, financially, emotionally, looking after his kid when he failed to do so and enough was enough. I was just giving and I got nothing in return. Although I loved this man more than anyone I ever dated before that, and he pursued me for a long time after I left, I decided to choose for me and I too am in an ' uncomplicated relationship' now. I sometimes think it could be easier for single parents who aren't coping 100% by themselves(which is completely understandable) to date other single parents, because they have the same responsibilities, and it would be a more give and take situation?

You're doing yourself no favours on this thread. I'm not much older but come on, you must know what's important (your children) and what's not (sex, money, appearance ). Focus on what really matters and move on. He's chosen her...harsh but true.

The right man won't be perturbed by children. Met my dh when I was a single parent and the kids were just never an issue