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Original poster

Heartbroken. Why did he choose her? And how can I get him back?

343 replies

Whattheelf · 10/12/2018 22:32

I’m a single mum of 2. 5 and 2 yo. There dad left when the youngest one was 2 months.

He is the love of my life, I’ve never felt anything like what I did for him. He showed me what real love was. And took my kids in his stride. I never introduced him to them cos I didn’t want them to get too attached until he committed. But he was amazing with pressies and he helped me out with rent and credit card bills during stressful times like Xmas and birthdays.

We decided to take a breather cos he suddenly wasn’t sure he wanted a “ready made family”. I gave him all the space he needed and anyway I was so busy with my kids that I didn’t think a lot about it and assumed he’d be back once he’d had a bit of time.

But he ended it and said he cared about me and my kids but that he thought we should see other people.

So I did. Went online dating, met a few lads went on dates but nothing compared to him.

After a couple of months I decided to text him. Just a breezy hi, how are you? And he text back “looking good darling” commenting on my fb photo. We went out and ended up in bed.

Didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks so I text him again to say “how you doing stranger”. He rang me immediately to say that he’d met someone else and that we couldn’t be friends.

I was like WTF???? And asked him why her and not me. He said that it was because he couldn’t deal with me having kids abd that this new girl didn’t need his money and was “uncomplicated”. Wtf does that even mean?

I can’t help but think that I played it all wrong by accepting him paying my rent and stuff for my kids. I d do anything to turn the clock back. What should I do to get him back?

OP posts:
JW1226 · 11/12/2018 10:57

P.S a man will say anything if he's going to get "lucky"

TwiceMagic · 11/12/2018 11:00

There’s nothing wrong with working in a supermarket btw!

Obviously.

notacooldad · 11/12/2018 11:09

Yeah and I bet she’s some ugly but clever girl from work or something
Grow the fuck up and stop acting like childish troll.

lottielottielottie · 11/12/2018 11:21

OP take no notice of the other comments regarding you taking his money.

He offered of his own free will. He offered because he wanted to help you. He offered because at the time he felt he wanted to care for you and he could because he was in a better position than you financially. The other posters here don't know the full story nor are they mind readers who can predict exactly what his intentions were back then.

My current partner helped me out financially during the early stages of our relationship. Although it wasn't ideal he offered because he wanted to help me. We are still going strong.

Ignore the posters that are saying that this contributed towards the break up.

TwiceMagic · 11/12/2018 11:23

Ignore the posters that are saying that this contributed towards the break up.

The man told her it was part of the reason. There’s no other way to interpret ‘doesn’t need my money’.

Original poster
Whattheelf · 11/12/2018 11:25

Thank you lottie. Exactly. I didn’t even ask for the money he offered cos I was struggling with paying for things like a roof over my kids heads.
He wouldn’t of done that if he didn’t love me now would he.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 11/12/2018 11:29

'didn’t even ask for the money he offered cos I was struggling with paying for things like a roof over my kids heads.
He wouldn’t of done that if he didn’t love me now would he.'

Why not?

Giving money doesn't equate to love??

Quite scary how skewed your views are.

RyderWhiteSwan · 11/12/2018 11:32

He wouldn’t of done that if he didn’t love me now would he

If he could afford to, then yes. Out of pity, not love.

BlueStockingUK · 11/12/2018 11:32

.

HereIgoagainxx · 11/12/2018 11:37

You can't afford your rent? No wonder he got fed up. Twenty quid here or there is one thing, but your actual rent?? He probably thought that would become a permanent payment.

RyderWhiteSwan · 11/12/2018 11:38

Eleven pages of replies, OP, advising you to accept it's over. You still can't seem to grasp that it's the only thing to do. I'm worried you will do something you'll regret, like stalking. Please listen to us. Most of us have been dumped when we didn't expect it. It fucking hurts, but time heals. You'll heal MUCH quicker when you ACCEPT it is over. He's with someone else. Someone he likes more. He doesn't belong to you.

Baking101 · 11/12/2018 11:39

No person has to take on someone else's kids as their own. I never would, it's a huge responsibility and they aren't even yours. The people that do it are rare. There's usually issues, some form of resentment, even if it's well hidden. Some are great at it though.

There was someone on here recently who said his girlfriend was basically demanding money out of him for her kids, that weren't his. She would guilt him into giving her money. Dunno if you do that, but he sounds like he got resentful of taking on your responsibility and got fed up. Let's face it, you're not going to admit being a money grabber are you?

Take it slower next time. And sort your finances out if you are struggling. See if you are getting the full amount of benefits that you can. Don't rely on someone else.

Baking101 · 11/12/2018 11:43

This reply has been deleted

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HereIgoagainxx · 11/12/2018 11:44

The guy was very clear about why he ended the relationship. Nothing has changed so he won't be coming back.

OP, you need to take all the advice here and accept it's over. All the spite and vitriol in the world won't bring him back.

If money is a problem, work out how you can make more. I'm not convinced you truly loved this man. I think he was financial support and that being gone has caused your rage. You've stated you basically thought he was punching above his weight with you. That's not love.

lottielottielottie · 11/12/2018 11:44

OP just take the advice from this thread & sit quietly & take it in.

Unfortunately none of us here can say whether he loved you or not, all be it he was very kind to you.

The more you reply, the more the vultures on here will continue to kick you whilst you are down & trying to figure this out.

But please stop with the comments / thoughts regarding the other girl as the sooner you let this go, the sooner you will heal from it.

Sending Thanks xXx

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 11/12/2018 11:52

He probably liked you and cared for you, but that's changed. He didn't love you, that's clear.

Extrastout · 11/12/2018 11:54

He's gone.

booboo24 · 11/12/2018 12:01

I struggle sometimes, everyone does, my partner has offered to help pay for things in the past which is normal in a relationship, but apart from once, I have never accepted. The one time I did, I made damn sure I paid it back asap. He may have felt a bit miffed that over time, if it happened a lot, you were ok with taking his money and he lost a bit of respect for you. i think I would if my partner was constantly accepting hand outs, even though I was happy to help.

At the end of the day, no one forced him to leave you, no one forced him into the arms of the new girlfriend, it was completely his choice, and his right to leave you, so harsh as it is, whatever you may have THOUGHT he thought about you and your relationship, he clearly doesn't feel that way anymore. Let him go, it's over.

Notacluethisxmas · 11/12/2018 12:04

He offered of his own free will. He offered because he wanted to help you. He offered because at the time he felt he wanted to care for you and he could because he was in a better position than you financially*

You know that how? Given the ops clear thoughts that it contributed to it the break up, the fact that he said it did suggests he didn't give it of his own free will.

You don't have to ask for it outright. Hints you can't afford your bills, hints that you can't afford to do stuff etc all say you need money. People can make others feel guilty, without saying outright that they are skint.

Nothing induces guilt more than 'm and my kids will be homeless'.

He may even at the time contributed happily. But then later felt that he didn't want to want a future where he carried the bulk of the financial responsibility. Or felt the op was being unfair letting him pay her rent without making steps to improve her situation.

I can't believe the op has no way to support herself without a short term boyfriend contributing.

Theyprobablywill · 11/12/2018 12:13

In a short relationship, eight months according to the OP's other thread, he has paid her rent. Settled her bills and given her money, he could probably see the demands escalating. so bailed while his finances were still intact.

OP, stop shaking the money tree, it's run out of leaves!

NotScrewingUpNow · 11/12/2018 12:19

People can make others feel guilty

Nobody can make you feel anything. YOU are responsible for how you feel. He chose to give her money. He wasn't forced.

SoyDora · 11/12/2018 12:21

Two attributes I bet you consider you have to your partner btw

I’m ok looking. I’m sure he finds me attractive but it’s not my best attribute, not. Pretty vanilla in bed too.
If asked why he married me I think there would be a lot of things that featured on the list before my sexual prowess, to be honest.

MarthasGinYard · 11/12/2018 12:22

He's had a damn lucky escape

It suited him at the time

You took

He changed his mind

He doesn't want to 'take on' as it was put someone else's kids and all the other bills that he ended up paying.

Get some self respect

It's not all about the ride

SoyDora · 11/12/2018 12:22

OP stop focusing on the money. Money is money. It’s not a symbol of love, or a sign of commitment. You are so bizarrely focused on the money.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 11/12/2018 12:24

To be fair to OP, in a long term relationship finances normally are shared so things are equal, but that's at the point of living together/ marriage/ kids or when things are very committed. However I don't think this is the case here and sounds like she's relied on him too much, though he did offer.

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