Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

At least he's shown that side of him.

Thanks daffo, I can look at my wheelchair as a way of weeding out the shallow types

@VixenSixen why not try and find a few more irons in the fire, so you do stay grounded. I've always found that helps me not to overinvest. I go on Plenty of Fish and it really stops me thinking about a specific person!

OKCUPID is proving to be fairly productive in the iron department, if you've not tried it, might dry up of course and then usual idiots but definitely getting more messages than Tinder and Bumble. I've potential got another iron to distract me from MrPB let's call him MrBridge.

Well I know I pm’d a couple of you,just to say it is now off with Mr Weekend & I am going to give OLD a wide berth for a long time - I don’t need all this drama.rich glad all is going well with you and have a great 3rd date tomorrow.

Thanks Koko and everyone else.

I forgot to say thanks earlier to everyone - I was walking on cloud 9 and was a bit distracted :)

Post date update:

Thanks so much for all the well wishing earlier - it made me feel really reassured to have others out there!

Date surprised me by being very fun in the end. We had a good giggle, chatted away quite happily for 3 hours and then had a cheeky snog.

All-in-all not the disaster I was expecting at all !

Thanks for all the support everyone (and the advise for the upbeat music in the car - worked a treat!)

@eesha - I've actually come off Tinder because it was doing my head in. This was the very last of the conversations. I won't be heartbroken if this turns into nothing - it would feel like a monumental waste of time if it didn't amount to anything! That would be the annoyance for me.

I'm pushing for a video call this week and he's sent me more photos last night. Video call even just for 5 minutes will stop all my crazy thinking.

Here is a woman who has watched waaaay to many episodes of Catfish 😂🙈. This guy is good looking and I'm just struggling to see why on earth he is still single (his job is pretty crazy though so I can see why it would ruin his chances of meeting anyone).

Hello everyone
Early morning catch-up from me. Some lovely success stories on this thread, and chin up everyone. Christmas is hard, really
Well my latest foray into Tinder is going pretty well. 2 definite irons/request for dates.... Mr Windmill and Mr France. Mr France looks the bettter bet but we shall see.
Still a bit ache-y over the demise of previous relationship, but his life is a shambles & I caught myself just before falling hard for him.... yay 🙁

Morning all, just a question about message etiquette when someone is ill? Do I leave Mr Italy to message me when he doesn't have sore throat/man flu or do I message today/tomorrow just to say hope you feel better? I said I hoped he felt better soon when he messaged yesterday to cancel the date, so best to leave it a couple of days so I don't come across as pushy/needy lol?

Scotgal I would maybe send one message a day (evening or late afternoon) just a brief hope you're feeling better, just to keep it ticking along. You don't want to pester but don't want to come across as uncaring, 'it's a fine line.

I’d send a hope you’re feeling much better soon!

And leave it at that

@Koko12 ahh glad you've decided to let Mr Weekend go
Be kind to yourself and go back to it when you feel it's the right time (if ever!)

Sick to the back teeth of it all. Mr Keen as Mustard who messaged all weekend and was funny and lovely and who I had a putative plan to meet tonight has vanished of thy face of the earth - why effing bother if you don't actually want to meet. Winds me up no end. They are other irons though so will concentrate on them but want to scream with rage.

coldlocation it is maddening isn't it!

It just smacks of arrogance, why not just say 'sorry I've enjoyed chatting but actually I've decided I don't want to meet up as I'm not sure we're a good match afterall'... Yes it would smart but at least give clarity. Fucking useless crap men folk.

yes it's very frustrating. The 24 hours I was on tinder I chatted to an amazing man. We really clicked and he said I SO want to chat to you again tomorrow, what time will you be around etc. etc.

and he disappeared

I sent him a message saying do you still want to chat? and never heard back

anyway deleted my profile on there now so I guess I will appear vanished to him now too

I MUST NOT go back on till January now

thanks for the advice, Mr Italy actually messaged me first on badoo this morning asking how I was and saying he felt better (after having sore throat/flu yesterday, am i just cynical or was that a pretty quick recovery )

@coldlocation, it's really disheartening when they act like that but I just tell myself I've dodged a bullet!!

@daffo good luck with the abstinence lol

Hello everybody, mind if I join?

I was on previous threads a couple of years ago, and it's encouraging to see a whole new set of people here now- encouraging because I guess a good proportion of two years' ago's posse found somebody, although I'm sure some gave up in disgust!

I met somebody on OKC, and we were together for about 6 months, but he was a bit of a wrong'un, really. Made me question whether I need to tighten my boundaries up considerably. Since then, I've just been a bit too busy in the evenings to commit to the OLD thing, but things have calmed down a bit now.

But I have a question for you all- could somebody please explain how Bumble WORKS to me, please?!?

In my absence, OKC has changed its format, and it also appears that most of the decent men have migrated to Bumble, at least in this area. But I've never used an OLD smartphone app before- I much prefer to use my laptop- and it seems to be a thing that apps/ social media never bloody explain how to use themselves!

So, men pop up, and you swipe left, swipe left.....What happens if you swipe right? Are you supposed to swipe right on loads of blokes and then go back and survey your longlist?? Also, is that the same as "liking" someone (the heart button), or is that different? And how do you know if someone mutually likes you, so that you're supposed to message them?

I have to admit, I find the whole format pretty superficial;- most men seem to make quite a lot of effort with their photos, but have little or no bio. So, how am I supposed to trawl through all these blokes to find someone I actually have something in common with? In their forties, people (men especially) have pretty much stopped signifying their "tribe" by the way they dress, so how am I going to ensure I don't accidentally swipe right on a Tory?

stubborn I gave up with bumble and went to tinder but will give you a summary (though I forget which way is the swiping lol)

you swipe (to like) men you like

you swipe the other way for men you don't (like tinder)

they also do the same

if you match, i.e. you both swipe like, then they appear in a queue at the top of your page (in a circle)

you then have 24 hours to send them a message

if you don't in that time, the match expires

you can pay to be able to rematch, you can also pay to see a queue of people who have liked you so you can decide if you want to like them back. I found this helpful because you know you will be getting a match though beware, a lot of men swipe on everything to improve their chances of getting any matches

EVEN if you match and message, there is no guarantee the man will respond (this is like any app though arguably more annoying on bumble as you ALWAYS have to send the first message)

men cannot message you first

I got bored of it because a) the 24 hour time thing drove me mad. I work full time, I have dcs, sometimes i wonder how I manage to fit in a shit in 24 hours let alone a meaningful first message and b) it had a big intake of men only after a shag and nothing further

and c) always messaging first got boring

Hi all, I’m new!

Been OLD for about 2 months.

Met someone on Friday for first date Mr M. Was really good & he was much more attractive than his profile picture!

Went out on second date last night & ended with some pretty serious snogging.

We’ve both said we like each other but I’m wary about whether he’s out snogging loads of other people.

I know time will tell but I’m desperately trying not to get over invested as it’s the first time in a very long time that I’ve really fancied someone.

Keeping all my fingers crossed for third date - which makes me sound pathetic!

@coldlocation
If you've been texting over the weekend how has he vanished?
Unless you mean he didn't reply last night?

He went from outrageous flirting, lots of messages and selfies to silent and has just messaged to say "don't know what to do about tonight, don't think I'd be very good company". I've replied with "Hope all ok, perhaps another time if I'm free but otherwise thanks for chat over weekend you made me laugh and smile" and left it at that. Can't be dealing with flaky men

Hmm ok they are the worst.

Someone offended me after a date, because I didn't want pda.
Said we wouldn't meet again.

I just said Ok Now Fuck Off.

Why should I be all sweet and polite.

I'm loving the success stories and just before Christmas too, its all romantic!

The people that are all chatty and then disappear - oh yes! Had that on Friday, asking me if I was free that weekend and my usual childcare pattern, then they disappear. Massively annoying and waste of my time. I unmatch on Bumble or Tinder now if they don't reply within 24 hours. Harsh but fair!

I think things have dies a death with MrMusic, we've only send the odd text all weekend. Our second date was a week ago and he's made no attempt to arrange a third. My options are to just let it lie or send him a message wishing him all the best - undecided. Being authentic and true to my usual style, I'm thinking of doing the latter.

MrEx has asked if we can push our date back by a week which is fine and looking forward to seeing him still. Will be interesting to see if the spark is still there as it was immediate last time I met him