Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@IdioticOptimist It's estimated that 67% of the global population is infected with the coldsores virus (HSV-1, plus more who have HSV-2). The stats for HSV-1 (according to the WHO) for Europe are: 207 million women (69%), 187 million men (61%).

And 90% of people have been exposed to it by age 50, even if they don't have it. So it probably isn't the huge deal you're imagining - even if it's a genital infection rather than an oral one. There's a TED talk about it you might find useful:

I'm just assuming he got a better offer or is hooking up with another iron but ask a, massive turnaround from him sending a text Sun am saying he dusky want to go back on match. Com again until we'd at least met, leaving 4 voice mails over course of his day and telling me how lovely I looked and so forth. Fuck knows. Twat.

Ffs my typos! Aghhh

Oh and he's messaged back with "it's just a depressing time and you deserve a fair shot with a more upbeat fella x"..... I'm taking that as nowt more than an excuse and will block /delete, not getting into some kinda pity party!

The weirdness of OLD just never fails to surprise me!

In a quiet and rather down moment on Friday evening I texted two guys - M and C - I had blocked them when they minorly offended me back in the summer. M responded overnight, we had a nice text chat on Saturday morning. The ball is in my court and I'll probably get back in touch with him when I'm less busy. C saw the message overnight and on Saturday morning asked me to call him. I left it until today and did so. I'd had one date with C and his voice was distinctive - and this was not that voice! It was V, a DIFFERENT guy I had blocked (in deleting names you're only left with numbers doh! but I was so sure it was C's), also with a distinctive really gorgeous voice. Recovered myself fairly well I think and we had a really lovely chat, he was actually very kind and wise about a family problem I'm having. The ball is in my court etc... So surprised at the kindness of strangers.

The chattiness and then disappearing bit is weird. I had a Brazilian guy start chatting Thursday night last week, very flirty, saying he was only chatting to me, then he got sick and didn't chat much (shrug) then criticised me for saying my big group of friends' traditional Xmas dinner yest was "too early".. ffs. This is a dinner WITHOUT kids and bloody hard to organise.
I did re-arrange the date last night.. seriously - this was a blow-out (food and drink-wise) - I was drunk by 5pm! He was sweet and I've cancelled some other plans to meet him this evening. Seems like a gentleman.

Oh by the way - the last paragraph not talking about the Brazilian - I politely told him I didn't like people critiquing my plans (he also called me "pretty ladee" and deleted him. Date tonight is with a guy who works down the road from my house

Some people chat loads one evening just cos they are bored.
It might be fun at the time having a 3 hour evening chat, but it is not real life.
Sometimes I talk to people I don't even fancy at all, again boredom/lonely.

coldlocation, that really sucks! I'm really wary of those that come on really strong like that. But to get to the point of a date and then be flakey like that - NO.

I seem to be having more luck on Bumble than Tinder at the mo, got a few chats going with people who seem normal and local. What is this craziness LOL.

unique, GO YOU. We wouldn't meet again - too right mate

Impromptu date 3 today and I think the spark might be starting to smoulder a little. We worked out we would be in the same location so decided to meet for lunch. He saw me walking towards him and gave me a huge smile. My icy exterior cracked a little.
I've realised that I'm scared of being hurt again so I'm holding back. Not always a bad thing but at some point I'll have to commit myself a bit more. For now it's just one date at a time.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking way to go :-)

Can I jump aboard. I deleted tinder after a scary 24 hours of intense weirdos. Am on bumble now and starting my first foray into online dating in 10 years.

My how it's changed.

Hey hey, date with Mr Hopkins was pretty damn good. I think I’ve found someone that’s on the same page as me when it comes to dating behaviour (ie somewhere between the 18th and 19th centuries )

So yeah, should be seeing him again 👍🏻 Rule 3 and Rule 5 at play here, too.

So, it's been a fair few weeks since I've posted here. Cause beyond is all loved up... 😍

I met her from POF, but we actually have a kind of hobby in common that we'd just never met via. Messaged for a bit, then stbxh was away and she came over for a few drinks, spent the night and we've been pretty much inseparable since. It's amazing, I am unbelievably happy :)

That’s wonderful @BeyondVicious.

Flakey men ARE the worst. I think they’re worse than ghosters or even plain out sex-hounds. At least it’s possible to write them off quickly & easily.
I get sucked in by the sad cases, the vulnerable ones, the complicated ones, the super-clever

Time after time

I am so tired of myself & I am going to break that pattern this time round

Ditto mollysgirl despite seeming initially genuine,intellectually stimulating,attractive,with no red flags they all seem to have unresolved childhood issues,vices,NPD,secret children etc. Still licking my wounds having been burnt again by someone I knew there would no longevity with but had been enjoying the last couple of months with. I just wanted a casual no-drama relationship with someone who I could trust,be myself with and had an intellectual&physical connection with but it just seems impossible.every man in my life has let me down it seems (even my exdh who had managed over a decade with and who I had thought was decent but then left out of the blue etc...).with this latest one I know it was for the best to walk away but it still hurts and I still miss the illusion of him and imagined closeness etc.anyway I’m going to have a break from OLD for a while now.

Well, Mr Italy contacted me again at lunchtime asking if I was free today. I had to collect DS from school because he fainted this morning and then had to go back to work in the afternoon, so said I'm free tomorrow or weekend (busy rest of week). He jumped to meet tomorrow morning, so coffee date at his flat is back on tomorrow!

Now nervous as have broken out in spots and only started my healthy eating regime again yesterday lol

Oh the texting anxiety is hitting hard tonight. I really want him to msg me, feels like it's me opening up the convo all the time. Trying my best to resist sending a msg!

@Pushreset can you not go on some sites and find some alternate irons purely to take your mind off this one and his lack of texting at this point

No @Eesha we're exclusive but things are just difficult at the mo..... Really don't know if I should reach or not. Torn!

daffodeffo Thanks for explaining Bumble for me! I swiped left on everybody, because I thought I could go back and look at them all again, only to find they'd then disappeared!

Annoyingly, I was swiping so fast at one point that I think I saw someone I recognised, and accidentally swiped left. It's a bloke that I met while on holiday this summer- we have DSes the same age, and he lives somewhere I used to live, and we have acquaintances in common (4 hours drive away, mind, but it's a nice place to visit). I did rather fancy him, and he seemed to be chatting me up too, but there's a limited amount of flirting that can be done when supervising feral 8 year olds! So......I'd quite like to go back and try to find him.......I think I might have to delete and start with a new profile? I haven't even put any proper photos up yet, just wanted to have a gander first.

stubbornstains He might come back on the pile, you sometimes see a people you've seen on bumble a few times. Happens to me as well

pushreset, I know it's really hard but it will feel loads better if he starts the chat. I'm testing the same theory with Mr Ex at the moment. Steady flow and I won't double message. It's causing him to start the conversation half of the time if not more . He even said today we don't need rules do we, just text me when you want.

Have you got a date booked in? I'm always way more relaxed when there is a plan.

@Pushreset I think you need to hold your nerve and let him contact you first. I know how hard it is. I always wait until MrAbs contacts me. It's still early days for us, but he messages me first in the morning, maybe lunch time if he's not working through and then again in the evening. We exchange about 5 messages each time. I never initiate contact now, he knows where I am. I really recommend watching some Matthew Hussey YouTube videos. You are the prize, let him come to his own conclusion that he should be making a bit of effort to get your attention.