Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Ap69 sorry to hear people can be so crap, at least you know now rather than later. Tomorrow will be better x

shit that was exactly it. He wouldn't pass the looming test at all but had a lovely face and a lovely personality and actually I don't mind larger men but I don't like people pretending to be something they are not. And his pictures were really of him being younger and far far thinner! I just find it frustrating and I do think men in my age group have a particular problem with this. I would say almost half of all men over 50 that I've met are larger/bigger than their pictures fgs!

Good morning!

I think this advice from Matthew Hussey is very sound: www.instagram.com/p/Bq2ZgeFhiga/

It's so important to raise our expectations instead of lowering them.

So, with that in mind, I'd be grateful for your opinion here, please. I've been chatting over the past few days with a man who really seems great. Same age, divorced three years ago with three children like myself, very interesting job, he lives in Paris whereas I live an hour away (potential problem, obviously) and our conversations via message are regular and very positive. After four days he's instigating a meet up which is proving complicated in the immediate future due to respective commitments to children, etc. In short he's being encouraging and proactive as far as I'm concerned.

I was out yesterday evening and I received a 'be good' message before leaving . I didn't receive a late evening message from him (as the previous evenings) which didn't bother me. However I took a look at his profile today and saw on the stats (this French OLD app allows you to see how many people have visited, messaged, etc the person you're interested in) he'd been in contact with 3 women over last couple of days or so. I know that's 'normal' behaviour on OLD but it doesn't fill me with enthusiasm. What would you do? Act as normal when he next gets in touch but invest less, or step back?

Sorry if this question is a bit trivial but I'm genuinely interested in how you'd feel in a similar situation.

getting After a few days chat and no date I don't think you can judge him on chatting to other women or missing a good night message, absolutely no grounds to really. The be good comment is a bit off but hopefully semi joking. If you're struggling make arrangements for a first date you should both still be looking at other people.

I had a delightful message late last night, just a phone number, not even as hello to go with it, charming.

Erm, well. The first man that ghosted me about a month ago, text me last night saying he didnt intend on doing and how it was for a family issue and he understands if i dont want to talk anymore. What the hell do i do? Should i just decline his offer to chat. I know he went back onto Tinder and swiped no on me anyway, so its obviously not worked out for him on there and ran tried his luck with me again?😬

Date 2 went well last night. Had a little snog at the end which was good.
But I'm still not feeling it. There's just something missing. I was hoping for a bit of time to think about what to do. But he asked to see me again and having just snogged him, I didn't feel I could say no.
And I don't really have a good reason for saying no. Just a feeling that it's not quite right.

Advice needed please - I've been talking to a guy for a while now. We met on Tinder, swapped numbers swiftly (I was at the point I was about to give up so getting off the app was good)....... We've been talking for a few weeks on the phone, by messages on WA but mainly phone.

We can't meet until 3 weeks time because of his job & shift pattern and my inability to meet any time other than the weekend (1 small human to look after) He lives just under an hour away from me.

So get this -. This guy I have never once initiated contact. He always rings me, asks if he can call, will message me daily. I'm not used to this and I got very badly burnt in the summer so I am just so wary now of anyone who is showing a bit of interest in me, without being a bit guarded if I'm honest.

The level of effort he is putting in is phenomenal and I just need a bit of a boost to say that perhaps this is the way it is when someone really likes you.

We talk for hours on the phone and never run out of anything to talk about...... I've no reason to think he is anything other than genuine. A part of me is so excited as I have such a good feeling but the other half is holding back because last time I got hurt badly and it screwed my head up.

Help meeeeeeee guys X 😂🤣

@beentryingtonamechangeforages - I would let him go. He has already shown you who he is and he is likely to repeat that behaviour again. And yes, sounds like he is trying his luck a bit to be honest.

@myoldbrainstoppedworking -. Dating is as much working out what you don't want as opposed to what you do. If it's not there, it's not there and it can't be forced....... Can you put your finger on it? Is it just his general personality or just a lack of spark.

Phew - found you all again

@likeriding you got my number. You know what to do!
Unbelievable but very believable with OLD.

getting what you describe is absolutely normal. Why would he put all his eggs in one basket when you haven't met and you're struggling to meet up? I think that's normal. And the 'be good' comment I would take as a tongue in cheek remark. It's so hard to read intent on messaging. Meet up and see what you think then take it from there :).

beentry I agree totally with Vixen's comments

vixen I'm going to sound all motherish now :) but have you met him yet? I think you need to be totally cautious until then. Absolutely enjoy the attention and the feeling it gives you but remember it's not real till it's real :) and then if it feels fab, well bloody brilliant

@VixenSixen I think your guy sounds great. He is showing you he can make a real effort so enjoy it. And if you do finally get to meet in a few weeks, then brilliant. My experience with waiting a long time is that the date never happens but in your case, it seems like he is keen for it to really happen!

Agree though that until it happens, you don't really know him for sure so try not to overinvest and maybe chat to others if you can

@vixensixen I had a similar spark and chemistry with the second person I'd met OLD after only being single 2 months. We spoke for hours and hours, called me several times a day... Even on a stag do, he kept in touch. He made me feel so good - I actually told myself and others that I was going to marry him......
Fast forward 6 weeks, he began ghosting me and it all ended very badly. I invested way too much time, which built up an emotional connection. I think he prayed on me because I showed my vulnerabilities. We spoke so much and I gave too much away.

So I would politely say, contact me closer to the time. Keen to meet but I'd rather see you in person first.... Or something like that. Otherwise, before you know it, you plan your life with him. And that void when the imaginery person disappears.... God, that stung so bad.

Vixen his personality is great. We can talk for hours. But the spark is missing for me. Probably because he doesn't match the ideal man I had hoped to meet. And like you, I've be hurt so I'm wary of getting involved with someone again.
I'm hoping the spark will grow over the next date or two.

As for your guy. It sounds good but also a bit too much if you haven't met. Just be careful. I hope it works out for you.

Daffo shame about your date. I've had that experience many times and it's always put me off.
I think men struggle to get photos and so just use any one they have, regardless of what they look like.

Will you see him again?

myoldbrain I'm glad you had a nice date even if the spark wasn't there. I hope it does develop for you but even if not it sounds like you might have made a new friend

He does want to see me again and I did say I would as he put me on the spot there and then but I must admit my heart started fluttering when I saw MrDisappearing had been messaging me fgs. I don't think there is any hope of any future for me and the bloke from last night - apart from the physical stuff which isn't a non starter for me, I think I am way too strong for him and over time that wouldn't work (his life is also v messy and I'm done with men with drama).

vixen ditto 1stdate ^^

@beentrying I know not everyone agrees, but I'm in the mindset that if someone cannot send one text to say that they have something going on then there's a problem.

You have to do what your happy with.

@myoldbrain sorry to hear that you didn't feel the spark

@daffo old pictures especially when you look different is false advertising in my book, I wouldn't have been happy either.

Well I'm finally back on the horse after a long drought
Although I drank a bottle of wine and am now suffering

I think meeting at his house made him relax more and I seen a different side to him, more jokey, flirty.

Then we had those 3am chats about everything and anything and I liked him even more.

This morning he was more of his usual self but I think the morning after can feel a bit stlited.

One thing I was a bit embarrassed about was that he thought I was into BDSM which I'm not, but I like a bit of rough play in the bedroom. I think he felt uncomfortable about it, first man to ever say that!

I may get a waiting your a sex pest it's over text later

He's still quite hard to read, but then said that he was hardly on dating sites and he wasn't planning on having sex with other women

But I still can't figure if he likes me I'm willing to accept that this might be my issue

Morning chaps, will catch up with posts this evening but I have a question.

Mr Italy messaged yesterday lunchtime saying that he would like to see me doon. I said I was free today in the afternoon. He said he was too and I could go to his (99% sure he's not after just one thing and feel comfortable to do so) so he gave me his address and asked what time I wouldn't be there. My last message to him was the time with a question mark....and I haven't had a message back from him at all to say that time is okay/see you then etc. He has read message (WA). So do I just assume it's on and that time is okay fit him it should he have messaged back to confirm? ??

Wanted to come back with an update, joined the June and July threads and everyone was fantastically supportive, even reviewing my profile and making helpful suggestions. I met Mr Surveyor on 1st July and happy to report we’re still together, he gave me a key a couple of months ago. Big thank you to you all and good luck!

Scot do you have to travel far? It sounds like it's still on, he might have though he replied

Metigger congrats what an amazing update