Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

it sounds like you want to give him another chance. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt - you don't know what's going on in his life and maybe there's a valid reason for him being a bit hopeless (not that it helps you!).

I think if you think there's a chance of something, you have nothing to lose by sending him a message and asking if he'd like to try and meet over xmas. But I would put the ball in his court. Get him to suggest a date given he's been the one that's hopeless with it in the past.

@MyOld, if I were you I'd send him a standard one off Happy Christmas message - with no other detail - and see how he reacts.

As @Daffo says, leave the ball in his court to approach you and bring up the topic of meeting up. If he's interested, he'll make the effort.

I never sit next to my awful ex at school things @Lovemusic33. I sit with my friends and we all take the piss out of his ever increasing bald patch instead.

That sounds wonderful @thelaststraw123. 😁

Awww so happy for you @thelaststraw123. I love that giddy feeling of great chemistry. I agree with everyone else on the single mum dating thing, sorting out babysitters & then dates simply cancelling last minute is a nightmare. Makes me wonder if I should wait a decade till all my children are older

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I'd leave it. He's had a few chances and has your number. It's put up or shut up time .

lannister i did wait and it's a lot easier. But I also work full time. And the combination of single parenting plus full time working with younger children plus dating was nearby impossible tbh.

myoldbrain I'm in the same situation, I've had two meet ups planned with Mr ex and he's cancelled both of them (with good reason but still). So I'm not suggesting any more, so far he's all talk and no action

Hello, can I join you please?
I've been on my own for 8 years and have always been happy with that. DD is now older and spends more time with her friends so I've got a lot more spare time and I've decided to join some dating sites. I joined about a month ago and I've had lots of conversations with men but it never goes anywhere. Some of them seem really keen and I don't understand why they'd be on a dating site if they don't want to date! I've had 4 different men ask for a date and disappear...it's so frustrating, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I've currently got 4 irons. I'm supposed to be seeing one tomorrow night but I've messaged him today asking if we're still on and I've had nothing back yet.
Another one I was supposed to be seeing on Saturday, this one was very keen and lovely and I was really looking forward to seeing him but I haven't heard from him for a few days so I'm guessing that's not happening.
Then there's another who I've been talking to for weeks, we both want to meet but he's never able to set a date and then we goes quiet for a week so.
And then there's my favourite who again I've been talking to for weeks on and off and we've got plans to see each other after Christmas but I'm expecting to be let down.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

Hello Tilly, I can only really point you to the rules I'm afraid, particularly Rule 2 - grow a thick skin. It's a weird old world and also a very busy time of the year to fit dates in. Maybe work on the basis of 'two weeks to meet' though - ie not texting for weeks on end, if there is no meeting very soon then accept it's not going to happen, and move on. With the two guys I've dated via OLD, I first met up with one on the day we matched and the other one week after matching...

If you're dating someone (2months) and they assure you they're not seeing anyone else and they're liking what's happening with you ( but not wanting committment) , why would they not delete the dating apps?!

He says it cures his boredom!!

Am I being taken for a fool?

whoknows it cures his boredom?! That would be a red flag for me, seems like he's seeing what else is out there!

Grr why do they always think the grass is greener! Sorry to be blunt whoknows

@apparentlyacatch

Don't worry it's kinda what I think already just need to hear it from others!!

How much is too much to talk to someone before meeting?

I have a weird one. I was still pining after my ex DP back about seven months ago, and went on Tinder got talking to someone. That someone turned out to be one of the best friends of someone I work very closely with. It faded away and we never met and I always felt it was complicated and destined to fail. Anyway the past week or two we've been talking again, no firm plans to meet but I'm trying to get out of the habit of messaging continually all day. So on Tuesday evening I stopped replying, I haven't had any messages chasing me but was worried it was too much to be talking so often. So what is 'normal contact's before meeting?! That's if we ever do!

I wonder if he thinks you've ghosted him, Ozil?

So, I now have some irons! I am talking to three men who all sound really nice, in their different ways. I'm pretty amazed, TBH- has online dating picked up a bit for everyone? Maybe it's because I'm on 2 sites at once, now- OKC and Bumble- but I remember messages from decent men being few and far between. I haven't changed my profile that much since I was last doing OLD, and I've got older, too. Maybe just luck?

Of course, now I'm fretting, because what if I have dates with them all, and they all turn out to be nice, and what do I do then?? (This is part of my makeup- I always, always jump to far ahead in my head. It's great coming on here for a blast of reality. I have only suggested meeting up with one so far, and he's the one who lives furthest away- Mr Urbanite. He's just replied, saying he's up for it, we'll just have to sort out logistics.

There's another one I've been chatting to loads and moved to text messaging with- he does sound really nice and is local. He is blind, though, and I'm trying to think how being with somebody with a disability like that would work. I have to be careful not to write him off as someone in need of care in my head, though- in many ways it seems he's more sorted than me. I think if he texts back tonight, I'll see if he's up for meeting up this weekend, as I have a child free one.

Whoknows that’s not on if you are exclusive, rubbish excuse.

Ozil I would say not too much or you overinvest, though friend of a friend may be more “real” I guess.

I’m one to talk though, been texting MrSY I’ll call him for over 3 weeks all day every day about everything and still no confirmation on Sunday. I’m way over invested and am going to feel it when this all goes tits up.

@Whoknows11 have you officially had the exclusive chat?
Saying he's not currently seeing anyone else isn't saying he won't see anyone else and sounds a little like he's keeping his options open.
It's totally fine if he does want to keep his options open, but he should be honest with you about it so you can make an informed decision about where you go from there.
After 2 months I'd probably put to him that he either commits to being exclusive with you which involves deleting all the apps or you both agree you're going to date other people or you call it a day and go your separate ways
Cure for boredom is a lame excuse, if dating apps are the only thing he can find to fill his time away from you I'd be doubting whether he's the kind of guy I'd want to be in a relationship with anyway!

@Ozil10
I'd say 'normal' is very different for everyone!
I suppose it depends on how easily the conversation flows and what feels right 🤷🏼‍♀️
I went on dates with guys with whom the chat was quite minimal, maybe only every few days. Other guys would message more regularly but if it felt forced or generic I tended to let it simmer until a date was either arranged or we got bored of each other! There's only so many times I can answer "hi how r u?" 🙄
With my bf we chatted solidly for around a month before we met, several times a day every day. Conversation flowed really well though and went off on all sorts of tangents so it was never forced, sounds a bit weird but by the time our first date came around I almost felt like I was going to meet an old friend for a catch up!
@Tillylils
A thick skin is definitely required and an acceptance of that's just the way it is!
Be assertive, if you're unsure if plans are happening - ask. Saves you sitting around wondering. If they say no or don't reply, move on.
Everyone is on OLD for their own reasons. Some guys just want the ego boost, some like a pen pal, some are plain old bonkers (I'm sure the same can be said for women too!)
Whatever the reason, it's not you.

whoknows I'm sure it cures his boredom but then he's not exclusive!

tilly I would try and move them to meeting quicker if you can. Problem with talking a lot and not meeting is you invest and then they can be completely not your type etc.

The conversation does flow, it's all very friendly, but if the conversation turns into flirting (I mean not even sex, just a compliment about how I look or the possibility of being together) I feel like I immediately clam up and change the subject. Subconsciously it's probably because I'm still not over my ex and not ready to be, we still talk all day every day. Ah well. If nothing else I've definitely made a new friend!

@Ozil10 perhaps you need to take a little time out until you feel ready to meet someone?
OR bite the bullet and get a date arranged ASAP

whoknows My ex, MrWow, after the exclusive chat, once showed me a pic of a female on POF for a laugh. I went along with it in that moment because I was quite shocked and didn't know how to react. A little further down the line I brought it up and he gave me the same excuse. He said his profile is hidden and he wasn't looking for dates, just amusing himself with some of the 'weirder' profiles. I asked how he'd feel if I did that, he said it was up to me! Funnily enough, I did actually trust him and he gave me no other reason to doubt him. It was nothing to do with the reason we split.

So, MrPara and I are back on. Actually, he never thought we weren't! He's on long shifts upto and after xmas/NY. We've both got our own plans for xmas. He actually said he never thought he'd meet someone he'd want to keep seeing but in future he'd arrange his shifts to suit me! We might be able to fit in a quick meet up xmas eve and are playing it by ear. It's a bit frustrating but I guess everyone is in the same position. He's worth waiting for so no more OLD for me until I see how this pans out.

@ohjellybelly Good luck with your date today and tomorrow.

Good luck to anyone else having dates this weekend

Good luck for today jelly let us know how the date goes!
I was exhausted yesterday from messaging with Mr V back and forth for hours the night before.Then last night we spoke on the phone for good few hours.Not talking to anyone else as interested in him&have hidden my profiles.Hoping we meet up to each other’s expectations in RL...
Mr G I haven’t spoken to since texting to thank him for breakfast but that’s fine as he’s not for me romantically but could see him being a friend.

Lots of other irons have fallen by the wayside/gone quiet-i think it’s crazy how people can message making loose plans to meet and then go radio silent!i can’t focus on too many irons at the same time so and quite happy messages with others have side down although it doesn’t help with not overinvesting!