Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

unique, no to the selfie request! I hate when men do this. I'm crap at taking selfies, too much pressure there from him.

leatherandsilk, I'd message him saying you are making weekend plans and are you seeing each other. Anything less than a firm date, just do your own thing. If he cancelled before, its in his court really.
The coming off OLD is a bit odd if you haven't even met.

Shitwithsugar, grim and waaaay too much information. I remember one guy telling me he had a date with himself - grim - next.

One of my friends had a great first Bumble date last night so living through her at the moment :-). I'm seeing my FWB tonight but he's said hes not 100% so it might just be the F bit without the benefits but that's fine, he's good company, will be nice to see him :-)

shit I had that the other day too, was speaking to a guy then I get a msg saying 'I'm horny wanna f*ck?' - instantly blocked!

Anyone have tips to enjoy singledom whilst your looking for someone. I'm really struggling with feeling miserable and lonely. It doesn't help when all your friends are settled and having babies now.

Sounds like a few on you are having fab dates! Which his fantastic xx

date with MrM was lovely BUT it always is....we have such a laugh, the sex is incredible....I still have massive doubts about how it moves forward

re pictures, I would say more than half of men I met were a stone or so heavier than their pics! And from what I understand from men, loads of women are years older than their pics so I guess people don't want to waste time if you turn out not to be like your pics. I have never asked anyone for a photo I don't think though I do think I wouldn't have wasted my time on a few dates if I had!

Hey all - took myself off the whole dating thing for a while because it got complicated with my Ex (oh dear) and now just redrawing those lines/boundaries again. Live and learn eh?

@subspace - yeah i met someone who is a very intermittent texter - but was keen, respectful, nice, we're still mates, he's great no red flags ever besides he just isn't a big texter. Some people aren't.

@Apparentlyacatch Maybe you need to work on why not being in a relationship makes you feel miserable and lonely? I have been OLD on and off for the past 6 months and have finally realised that it was making me more miserable and lonely than being single!
I have decided to stay single for the time being and build my own self esteem up, get to know myself better and do things I enjoy doing, that benefit ME with my spare time.

sunshine I agree, I've been in relationships since I was 16 without much of a break in between. My last relationship was 4yrs and he was an abusive alcoholic which has taken its toll on me.

I just love being with someone, I guess because I like to feel wanted and secure. And then when I'm single I feel very unwanted. I'm not needy in any way I'm very independent and don't rely on others to make me feel good. I just have a few wobbles, especially this time of year! Xx

Apparently I know how you feel. I'm very independent but often feel like everyone is out having fun without me. Or they're all playing happy families while I'm home alone.

I joined a couple of meetup groups this year, which have been great for getting me out of the house occasionally. I also just go for a long walk or a bike ride if I'm fed up and sit in a coffee shop and people watch. Or I have been known to just climb into bed and sleep/doze for an hour.

And we're always here on the thread if you want a moan.

Ok, date number 5 with MrMechanic tonight!! And it's an all nighter, he's booked us a 4star hotel near me, so not to put pressure on and I can go home at any point.

I am so jumping his bones though 🤣🤣🤣

MyOld everything you said to Apparently resonates with me/is what I do, I think we might be the same person!

I have one family member and a lodger living with me, and loads of family at Christmas, but no-one here at NY. I refuse to go out out with anyone (I could tag along with some people, but God I hate NYE crowds) so I'm really worried I'm going to be utterly miserable stuck here alone. Am fighting the urge to ask my FWB what he is doing but I fear the rejection.

MovemberBlues I'm home alone at New Year this year.
Last year I was alone on Christmas Day. So I went out for a walk, ended up in the only pub not serving any food along with quite a few solitary men nursing their pints. I had a nice chat to the bloke behind the bar, read my book for a bit then carried on with my walk. I'll probably do something similar on NY day this time.
I'll be sleeping on NYE, unless my plan for a FWB actually happens

MyOldBrain you are an inspiration - you do what I say I'm going to do then bottle it! I have to work both NYE and NYD, it's the evening that worries me. Some of my more appalling behaviours on OLD have happened at such times. I'm off all sites now but I worry that I will sign up to POF and wreck my heart!

thelaststraw sounds exciting with Mr Mechanic - enjoy!
Had a second date with Mr Green this morning - lovely guy but no immediate spark.hoping to meet one other on Saturday who i started chatting to last night.

I deleted off Pof last night after feeling crap for a couple of days. Two second dates in the last fortnight and two rejections took their toll! It was like a weight had been lifted so feeling happier.
I've been married twice and pretty much always been in a relationship. I am independent too so am asking myself why I feel I need to have someone. I miss being in a couple.

However,apart from going up to Birmingham sometimes to watch footy,i don't have many hobbies,so will join a gym in the new year! I feel my life is on hold with my son,though he is 11 now so things will start to change soon and I will be able to pop out for the odd hour and do some things for me!

I suppose as it's Christmas we are feeling more lonely than usual

@Apparentlyacatch definitely consider a break and focus on yourself. I was also with an abusive alcoholic for many years.

I have taken a break after someone I was really looking forward to meeting, cancelled on me. It sounds trivial in comparison to most people's stories here but i really liked him. Swiping after this made me realise I wasn't enjoying online dating anymore. Anyway, im kinda enjoying just focussing on myself, not having to worry about whether anyone likes me or vice versa. I'm sure I'll get back on it in the new year but try and enjoy the singledom and making yourself the best you can be. This is a hard period for many.

Thanks everyone - I think I am going to do just that! I've come off tinder/pof and just going to enjoy me for a bit. I'll see how I feel in the new year. After that abusive relationship and then seeing a guy for month in which I started to really like him and the he rejects me as hit me harder then I thought it would.

I have no plans on New Year's Eve - we can all keep each other company on here that night.

it is hard apparently rejection never gets easier so take care of yourself!

Help needed!
So, I arranged for my Mum to have my son tonight as no school tomz. Mr Para was going to come over and we were going to go out.
My son had a melt down, which I had to deal with and during this MrPara msg suggesting a change of plan, which would mean driving to his. Now, I'm not an alcoholic, but with a child free night, I don't want to drive. It totally threw me. I can't stay over as I have a dog I can't leave overnight. I now don't feel like doing anything and he's understandly confused.

*understandably

Why can't he come over tooold, as planned?

He sent several msgs, quite clearly wanted me over there and take me out. What with my son having an ASD melt down, I just couldn't cope with altering my plans and now not in the mood to see him! I've tried to explain but he clearly doesn't understand.

If he'd just stuck to the plan I could have cleared my head and enjoyed seeing him. He now obviously thinks I've gone off him and hasn't replied to my last msg.

Gah that's a nightmare tooold - maybe call him to talk it through on the phone?

I just tried that. Tried to explain but he said I was being defensive, which I wasn't! He then talked over me, so I said, I'll let you get on and then hung up. So, there goes another one! I feel such an fecking idiot for thinking I'd got a nice one. What more can I do! He's obviously sensitive and feeling rejected. Why couldn't he just listen to me and try and understand how I'm feeling?!

Oh, I'm sorry TooOld! That is disappointing. We're all sensitive doing OLD, men and women, it goes with the territory. But he shouldn't have talked over you, and should have appreciated that it was a child-related crisis, so I guess in the end it's perhaps a bullet dodged.

Yes, perhaps @MovemberBlues. I've just sent one more msg and will leave it at that if he doesn't respond. I sent:
I've had a bad afternoon that's all. Just wanted to explain myself, that I wasn't rejecting you, I wasn't being defensive. Sorry if it came across that way. I just wanted you to understand.