Dating Thread 143 Can Anybody Find Meeeee Somebody to Love!

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

oh sorry @TooOldForThis67, it would have been great if he had just taken the time to listen. Fingers crossed he replies your msg and re-arranges for another day if not just leave it at that and don't pursue.

That's a good message to send TooOld - kind, normal and clear. You will know him by his response.

Oh @TooOld that's so disappointing he couldn't listen to you. I hate it when they hear but don't actually listen to what you're saying. There's no excuse for talking over you though. That does wind me right up.

I still have my date on Friday lined up with Ms Wonderland. We've been chatting on and off over the last couple of days and it's been nice. I was looking forward to meeting her. However I have matched with a Ms HMP and we have arranged a date for Saturday and i really cannot wait.Ms HMP and I have been chatting all day and the hours have flown by as we have so much in common. Just speaking with her about anything and everything has given me that warm fuzzy feeling that has sort of taken the spark off of the idea of Friday's date.

That feels really daft to say too as I've not met either of these yet. It's funny though what you can build up in your mind.

Anyway, I shall update all after the dates. Good luck to all that are off on dates in the next few days

Does anyone know how accurate the 'online now' status is on pof?

I feel I'm going a little crazy tonight!

Sounds exciting jelly I have date arranged with who I’m going to call Mr V for Saturday.Been messaging all yesterday eve on Bumble and today on What’s app as he offered his number last night.Really looking forward to seeing if he matches up to my expectations in RL

@whoknows11 I’d have to say not at all!

I actually had a guy messaging and criticising me for being online when I wasn’t! I’d closed the app but hadn’t actually logged out so POF was showing me as “online now”. I wasn’t, I was cooking dinner...

He accused me of looking for new dates. We’d had one coffee... 🙄

@sidge

Thanks for your reply.

So tonight I had a date but 5 mins before we were meant to meet he said he was running really late.

Then I saw he was "online now" on pof!!

This obviously annoyed me greatly and has got me questioning his honesty with me.

In the end he was an hour late due to helping his mate sort a leaking roof!

I've been lied and cheated on in the past so very guarded and do not know whether to believe him or not!

X

Whoknows POF can show you as online for up to an hour after you have closed the app. The only way to avoid this is to log out but even if you do that it can take up to 10mins for the servers to update your status.

TooOld sorry to hear what happened last night. I hope you're ok today. It was rude of him not to listen to you.

@myoldbrainstoppedworking

Thank you that could explain some things!

I felt awful last night, I don't want to be taken for a fool!

shit I will level with you now and I mean this in no disrespect to the men reading this :)

I have never, ever, met a man who is a busy as a single mother unless they are single parenting themselves. There is simply no comparison with the lives we lead. It's not only the physical stuff but it's also the thinking about the kids all the time. My ex only really started having the kids a bit more recently and until then, everything had to be factored around the kids. It's quite difficult for anyone to 'get' what that life is like.

The other issue is that it gives the other person a chance to have much more of a life and quite rightly, they do! So they have a lot more social opportunities, go out a lot more etc.

I don't think you can criticise him but I think if you start seeing someone more, there has to be a level of understanding about how much you can go out. I saw someone last year who after a few weeks just said look sorry, this isn't for me, you have to do too much with your kids and that was that. I was fine with it and so was he. Some people will get it and some won't, i just think that's the way of the world.

thing that used to wind me up is that it took a colossal effort to organise an evening out - babysitters, what time I'd be back - and then the other person would casually move it or change arrangements. That used to drive me mad and I stopped dating for a few years till my kids were older because I couldn't be bothered with it!

shit I think Daffo has it spot on.

I’ve been chatting via text with a guy who seems lovely, we’ve talked about meeting but it’s proving a little tricky as you know, work, kids, Christmas etc. I suggested this weekend but he has his children, he suggested another date but I can’t do that etc. He messaged that it appeared I was too busy to date 🙄 so I was quite blunt with him and said no I’m not, I mean I am busy but I will make time, but you forget that I work, I have children WHO LIVE WITH ME, I don’t have all the free time you do.

In contrast I had a lovely date last night with a guy I’d been chatting with who just “gets it” - he’s been patient and understanding and seems to respect the fact that my life is busy and I have dependent children at home. He in contrast is single, no kids at home now and apart from work is a free agent. He has a busy active social life with friends and hobbies but was willing to have some flexibility with those to slot in when I was free so we could go on a date.

But fundamentally there has to be an understanding from any guy you’re hoping to date that, as a single mum, you just don’t have the capacity to be as flexible as they can. If they’re not up for that, fine, move along, no hard feelings. If they chop and change dates at the drop of a hat that would piss me off because it’s taken a fair bit of planning to get to this stage and I don’t want to be mucked about.

@DaffoDeffo I think you got it so right many men think we are on the same timeline when we are single parents. In most cases it's the woman who does the majority of parenting. I personally didn't date when mine were younger as organising babysitters etc for plans to change last minute was frustrating .It's much better now they are older and I've the freedom to be me again

jelly - I think the thing is to keep an open mind til you actually meet them both. You may find the situation reverses! I've got on great with guys via WhatsApp only to find in RL the chemistry isn't there.
koko - Good luck for Saturday.
shit and Daffo - This is the reason why I do a lot of 'dating' at home, otherwise I'd hardly ever see anyone.

Well, after I sent my msg to MrPara I shortly went to bed. I woke at 2.30am to see a msg at 23.23 saying 'Still awake?' but nothing else. I sent a jokey 'I am now but it's 2.30am'. Nothing when I woke at 10am.
So I'm really confused why he bothered with the 'still awake' msg.
I know I've blown it now as I've sent 'The reality of dating someone who struggles with their child's Aspergers is too much I guess'.
We only had 2 dates but it still hurts especially as he said he couldn't believe his luck etc etc.

I'll be joinging the Mums on there own at Christmas thread then!! Lol.

shit as above, he’s not going to be as busy as you are, he has more free time if he doesn’t ave dc’s living with him. It is hard to fit in dating when you have dc’s and hard to have a social life. My dc’s are now getting older and I find myself having more time for activities but I only work part time (if I was working full time it would be impossible).

My iron (Mr Hippie) is being a bit full on, we haven’t met yet and he’s already planning future dates. I like him but he’s likely to ruin everything by being like this .

Today I have the joy of dd’s Christmas play, I asked ex if he will like to come as he usually says no (thought I would ask anyway so he couldn’t accuse me of not inviting him) and now he’s coming along with his girlfriend. I have a awful headache and now I have to put up with sitting next to twat face and his very odd girlfriend.

Alcohol will be needed tonight.

love - Have you actually arranged a date then, is it soon? at 'sitting next to twat face and his very odd girlfriend'.

Omg

So all night date with MrMechanic last night. Not long got home, but wow!!!

I cannot wipe the smile off my face. And we established last night that we're going to keep seeing each other exclusively.

On cloud nine this morning!!

Too date is a week Sunday as we are both busy over Christmas (more me than him), he’s now planning new year.

thelaststraw that’s great news, glad it’s going so well.

thelaststaw - that's fab!

lastsfraw fab update!

shitwith I agree with everything that's been said about being busy as a single parent.
I dated someone for a year who had a very busy social life, lots of friends but no kids. It didn't bother me that he seemed to be doing something every day/night because he would always find time to see me. I'd rather date someone like that, than someone who's just sitting at home waiting for life to come to them.
What killed the relationship in the end was his reluctance to introduce me to his friends. But I wouldn't be concerned that a single man, without responsibilities, has a busy social life.

thelaststraw that's fantastic! Great update.

Love that puts me off as well. I've had one date with Mr dog. I like him but he's now telling me how much time we can spend together after Christmas. Er....no, let's just see how the next date goes first

A question for the wise people of this thread.
A few months ago I had a date with someone who wasn't my usual type but it was set up by my friend. The date went well and there was a vague discussion of meeting again.

However, in the exchange of messages after the date, he implied that it would've been better if we'd had sex. I didn't like this comment, so I ignored it but then he never messaged me again.

A few weeks later I bumped into him on a night out. He apologised for the comment and asked if we could try again. Over the next week or so we exchanged quite a few messages and twice I asked him if he was free to meet again. Both times he said he was busy but would sort out some free time.

He never did sort out the free time and in the end I told him that I wasn't looking for a penpal and we said goodbye.

Last night my friend bumped into him at a party and he asked about me. They had a chat about dating and he admitted that I'd been his only date.

So my question is, do I drop him a friendly text to say hi? Or should I just leave it as he is probably someone who likes the idea of dating but doesn't want to make time for it.