Being replaced

[brainache78]

I am absolutely broken and confused.

My DP of 5 years dumped me out of the blue a few weeks ago. He said it 'wasn't working' and I don't understand what he meant.

We were friends for years before we got together and had a wonderful (I thought) relationship. We have the same sense of humour, taste in music, outlook on life, taste in pretty much everything. We have a million in-jokes and deeply care for one another. We rarely argued and, when we did, worked through it in a adult fashion and made up quickly. I thought we were so, so happy.

And then bang. I'm dumped.

I've been struggling with that for a few weeks. Doing the usual heartbroken things - not eating or sleeping and crying pretty constantly. Not knowing where it went wrong.

And then - guess what? - he's seeing someone else. He says there was no overlap, but I don't believe that.

It doesn't really matter either way - the fact is that he has chosen someone else over me.

And I know it sounds arrogant, but I don't understand what someone else can give him that I can't. We are such a good match. It has totally destroyed my faith in everything I believed about me, him and our relationship and I'm grieving.

He says he still loves me. He has been on the phone crying about how much he misses me - yet he is sticking to his guns (before you say it - I have blocked him now - but we have the same mutual friends, so I saw him at a funeral yesterday and there are always going to be times where we see each other).

Our friends are as baffled as I am and are mostly calling him a fucking idiot. I believe some of them have said it to his face.

So what is all that about - and how the hell do I get over someone throwing away everything we had and replacing me before my side of the bed is even cold?!

I am scared I will never love anyone again the way I love him.

@brainache78 oh sweetie, sending humungous big hugs. It's so awful. How are you finding day to day life? Is it getting easier? Just remember it takes two weeks to break a habit, and he will probably be the hardest one you'll ever have to kick. Hopefully the fog will lift for you soon xx

@brainache78 not pathetic at all, it's not easy to recover from being blindsided like this. I'm still dealing with it. It really puts you through the wringer. I think I lived on adrenaline for a while, barely eating. A few weeks in and I was exhausted, I think you can have a bit of an 'emotional crash' after the shock wears off. Just be really gentle with yourself, don't put pressure on yourself to suddenly be okay.

Kind thoughts heading your way

-brainachE
So sorry to hear about your health problems. From what everyone says, it’s a matter of surviving each day at a time. Sounds like a day wrapped in a big comfy blanket watching mindless movies may be a good thing. Sometimes I feel like just hiding away for a bit.

Thank you, everyone.
I've been in bed most of today.
Ex sent me a message today saying he loves me and always will - and he's finding things hard.

I haven't replied.

Boooooo bloody hoooo. He chose this. I don't care if he is finding it hard - and why do I want to know that?

I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to know he was sending me messages like that. Dick.

I'm sorry Sausage and Trudeau - I know the shock and stress hormones really make you feel awful. I've shed a load of weight. Everything has an up side, I suppose.

-brainache
What you’re going through is so hard. I think you’re being strong even if you don’t feel that you are.

Thank you, Trudeau - how are you getting on? I could go and look at your thread and check, but I'm lazy!

Are you coping? Managing to eat? Sleep? See people?
X

Managing to eat a bit more. Making myself really as I can’t continue to lose weight. I’m fairly petite to start. I get to sleep OK but wake about 4 every morning with me head just swimming. Mornings are the worst. My thread really hasn’t taken off. Sorry if I hijacked yours.

Oh no! Don't worry about that. Stay and we can support each other.

I know what you mean about mornings and the head swimming. It's taking me a long time to get my head around what's happened, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Part of me still struggles to believe it.

I ate today and it didn't go well. My poor stomach was very unhappy with the idea. I would eat if I could!

Soup is good if you really need to eat.

I hope you sleep tonight
X

Same to you. Here’s to a full nights sleep. Oh and crackers and cheese aren’t too bad either.

God that must be confusing him sending you texts like that, what does he mean things are hard? Ugh don't they think about that before they do all this? Well it's my birthday tomorrow and I'm feeling weird, first one in years without him.

Hope everyone is bearing up ok tonight

🌸 💐 🌸 💐

What an absolute CF your ex is to be telling you that HE'S finding things hard!
My ex did a similar thing, after he left. As I sobbed down the phone to him begging to know what had happened or what I'd done wrong, he told me that he was going to have to block me because speaking to me was very stressful for him and the whole situation (leaving me for a woman he had been cheating with, at Christmas, the day after we'd agreed to start trying for a baby) was, like, really bad for his mental health. Poor lamb.

I can promise you it will get easier. The whole thing did some major damage to my self esteem and I still have wobbles but I sleep soundly now. If you haven't already heard of it, I'd highly recommend the Chump Lady blog, it gives fantastic analysis of these types of situations.

Mine wrote a load of claptrap this week (from another phone) about how hard he's finding it and he's so sorry etcetc.

Ignore. Ignore: Ignore.

It has dawned on me (finally) that my ex is just selfish through and through - he was in the relationship too - everything had to revolve around him and his problems (though as he left he claimed I had to be at the middle of everything).

He and presumably brainache's ex just want to make sure "old dependable" is still hanging around pining for him in case it goes pear-shaped with his new, shiny person.
Brainache - please ignore his nonsense texts and block him if you have the strength to do so.
You need to concentrate on making yourself strong and well again.
He checked out - his problem. He should have considered it more carefully before doing off.

You (and I) and the numerous others who have popped up on this thread with similar tales of fuckwit exes, deserve better than that.

Hello all.

How are you all doing?

Trudeau and carrot?

I'm feeling a bit better. Still tired. Struggling a bit with keeping my DD occupied. She's lovely, but quite demanding - and although it's a welcome distraction, I find it really tiring with my medication and everything still settling down.

Haven't heard any more from nobhead.

I'm a bit wobble wobble today.
I went out for the day and I just missed him. Tried to replace the thoughts of the great times with him with cold, hard facts about the way he has treated me.
It has made me a bit miserable.

I'm so sorry.
This is just so hard, isn't it? Every time I think I'm starting to feel better something hits me from the blue.

A song, a film, a throw away comment, something we had a joke about...anything.

It is miserable. I wish I could be more chipper to cheer you up, but I'm feeling sad and missing mine too. It hurts.

Hi all,
Well husband is back from overseas. I thought I was going ok, but it’s set me back a bit. We’re now telling the kids Sunday so as not to ruin their weekend. Kind of a joke really as we’ll be destroying their current world anyway. They are going to be blindsided by this and it is killing me. Back to thinking about all the whys. Why does he feel he has to leave? Is it really that bad here with me? And why didn’t I know that? Why didn’t he ever say anything? Is it really worth destroying so much? How did we get here????? Sounds like we’re all having a bad day.

I'm sorry. I think we are, aren't we?

Although, Trudeau - you don'g have to go along with how he wants this done. You will have to put a brave face on for two days. Is it really worth it?!

I’ve been putting on a brave face for so long now that I may as well continue. We both agreed that telling them Sunday is better. They each have fun things on that I would rather they enjoy it while they can. There’s never going to be a good time to tell them. It’s still surreal for me. Like I’m watching it happen from outside my body. Hiw have you been @brainache? Eating and sleeping?

Thinking of you today @Trudeau25

I told mine the truth.
Dad has decided he doesn't live me and he wants to leave us all...
I got in first... No way was I taking the blame.
I also in my head renamed him... And treated the man I used to love like he had died... So I got to gieve.
Why should you accept it...
When they say they are finding it hard. Just say you left you jerk, your choice.

How did it go, Trudeau?

Hi brainache.
It went better than I thought. So far the kids are handling it better than I imagined they would. But then again, I imagined the absolute worst. I’m left with so much sadness. Can’t seem to find the anger. Just so sad that something that was once so special has ended.