Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

I would block him entirely. You owe him nothing. Wouldn't answer him, either. He's realised his meal ticket has expired. There's no love there because he's too big of a narcissist to be able to have it.

He has not respected your boundaries and your telling him you need space. That shows you all you need to know. It's all about him. If he loved you, he'd respect that.

You don't have to tell him your plans at all. You don't have to tell him about the flat or anything. You've told him you're no longer together. He's choosing to walk all over that because it doesn't suit him, whom he sees as more important.

He's showing you who he is.

He won't see it either.
He's always manage to talk you around before.
So in his head, why can't he now?
You really need to block, ignore and delete.
Don't engage until you are ready.
Is he talking about money he owes you?
Is he really likely to pay it back?
When? He doesn't have any money!?

Yes, the cynical part of me thinks he has stepped up his campaign to win you back because he is now at risk of losing his meal ticket for life. Block and ignore. Lucky escape for you.

I know little about bitcoin - have heard of it but don't know much about it.. However, I'm pretty sure any "legitimate" investment would not be done via FB.. That's screaming out at me as a scam and irresponsible

I was only going to tell him about the flat as I thought it was the right thing to do...it comes across as me being cold
I feel sick to the stomach today like I've hurt a sick puppy!
Just money for things I've booked so he obviously still wants to go...couple of day trips for Xmas
Balances that needs paying
Thing is he does earn good money and his debt he pays back is minimum! So he's just trying to win me back like you say

I've said 4 times at the bottom of my email
Leave me alone also with content why I've left
More for my own benefit than his
To get my head around it
X

I was only going to tell him about the flat as I thought it was the right thing to do...it comes across as me being cold

Just don't! You do not owe him telling him where you live. He will use it to manipulate you. You have ended it with him. That's all he needs to know. You told him to back off, he hasn't. He is harassing you. The police will tell you the worst thing you can do is tell him where you live. Just nope.

Cancel the bookings if they're in your name, even if you lose money, consider it money well spent. Pay any balances that are in your name. The rest is his lookout. He has the money.

Block him entirely. You have told him, repeatedly, that you want to be left alone. He doesn't respect that.

I feel sick to the stomach today like I've hurt a sick puppy!

And yet he cares not a fucking jot that you asked him to give you some space. Can you not see that? He doesn't give a damn about your feelings, only about how the loss of your income effects him.

Yes I do completely see that
It still doesn't make me feel any better or less sick!!!
It's just how I feel

It's all in my name and I've cancelled everything at the weekend anyway
Some of it wasn't pre paid but some was. I've lost minimal
Don't even care about that

I know he was just using that as is IN and since the last email he hasn't replied
Well he is blocked on everything else.

And no I am not telling him about the flat, I just meant I would tell him I'm not coming home! As he only thinks I'm at my mums, not planning on getting a new place !
But that was before he started calling / texting and before I blocked
So I obviously won't tell him now

Your feelings are all the more reason you really need to remain no contact with him and do not inform him about the flat. You have a right to a fresh start.

Yeah, don't tell him. NO more contact. He's made it clear he doesn't respect your boundaries. Tbh, he didn't respect you much at all. He doesn't respect his father, either, but that's his dad's lookout if he continues to enable him. There's a thread in Relationships now, featuring a woman who has a husband just like your ex. Except yes, she married him. She's now 50, he's dragged them down financially to no end. And still stuck on his 'business'. The reality is, people like this are just workshy losers who think they're too good to work for a living like everyone else and a total millstone.

Oh really? That's interesting I'll try and find it.
Thanks for the advice
It is helping and making me feel less alone and more like I'm definitely doing the right thing x

Yep, string of failed businesses, never wants to stay at a real job, borrowed and blew £40k off her father, she's been the one working because he's always going to make a go of it in business. U

You are on to a total non-starter with this guy and all he'd ever do is bring you down.

Ultimately, people like him and your ex feel they're a step above everyone else, hence his comment about 'sorry I'm not a boring 9-5 office worker' but everyone is expected to fund their dreams or they're not 'supportive'.

This gal is at the end of her tether with it but she had to take out on IVA so he's already trashed her credit.

In my wider family we have three male 'dreamers', they have 'unique' ideas that they are sure will give great returns for very little outlay. They are all extremely selfish, self-centred individuals.

One has been relatively successful but their family suffered financial strain for years, children were neglected and not provided for in major ways and they've financially screwed over former friends and family and his ex-wife and sons (loans in other people's names).

One refused to have a proper job for years and his family had to go from nice house to virtual squat, serially throughout their childhood. Their kids were always fed but they went through a lot of instability. The dad always says 'Only fools and horses work' and is oblivious to what he's put his hard working wife and children through. He's very scathing of those employed who work for others.

The last is the son of the previous man, he has no family to support but expects his mum to still house him when his plans fail - the mum that still supports his father's businesses.

I think it's good to set up your own business but it needs drive, commitment and firm plans and no family that will suffer if it all fails.

but everyone is expected to fund their dreams or they're not 'supportive'

Very true LegoAdventCalendar. It's always the 'family business' that everybody has to support regardless of their own commitments. When you are employed in a family business - you become the one that always has to drop everything for unpaid overtime, you don't get paid when money is short (even though you need money for food and rent etc). You are expected to make all the sacrifices.

Oh, yes, My, particularly the shit donkey work and admin falls to 'family' (read: the female partner) to do or they're not 'supportive'. mobey there is yet another thread in 'What Would You Do' featuring yet another women who has wound up with a cocklodging dreamer on her coat tails and, like you, is breaking free.

I had an ex-boyfriend who has a very successful business. Some differences: this man has no family, he was born to a single mum who was an only child and she's long deceased. He had to do it all off his own back. He offers a very vital skill. He's had the business for 20 years now and only recently taken a holiday, he works non-stop and especially did at the outset. He branched into self-employment after spending a long time in his industry and set up whilst still in FT employment (hence, working all the hours God sends) running both until the business got going enough to pay him enough to live on because he's always been single and has no family.

That's some pretty big differences between him (and everyone else I know who's had a successful business) and people like your ex and the two other cocklodgers in the other threads.

Your partner is clearly irresponsible with money but businesses fail all the time. My partner and his parents have been business owners for decades now, my partner has never actually worked for anyone.

We are more financially sound then most people who work 9-5 jobs. No debt, house paid off, don't have kids yet but if we do and our businesses are still doing well we will surely send them to private schools.

But this man does seem entirely irresponsible, unfortunately in the world of business there will always been ups and downs. I don't know of any successful businessman who hasn't had to dissolve his previous businesses in the past.