Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

I can't see how any relationship can work without transparency re money and debt (hidden or not) is exactly the kind of thing that rips relationships apart particularly given that he appears (from your post) unable to take responsibility and instead is deflecting onto you.

He currently owes £35k and rather than knuckling down and saving for a house he wants to invest in a get rich scheme? I know I sound harsh but it sounds like he bad money management wise. You need to weigh up whether this is a deal breaker for you, or whether you're happy to bail him out as and when.

I'm presuming he currently doesn't own property? If so, they second you purchase a property together creditors are may begin to assess him differently and weigh up enforcement such as charges on his share of the equity in the house or even bankruptcy - if the latter worst case a trustee could apply for possession / sale.

Sorry for doom and gloom response but I see this all the time.

The bitcoin investment, not sure that that is so awful, but 35k debt would terrify me.

The fact he didn’t tell you is the worrying part when you’re supposed to be saving together.

My friend made a lot from Bitcoin he did so because he knows a lot about statistics and finance and said it has a lot of "dumb flow" i.e. people investing who don't have the first clue what they're doing.

I don't think I could buy a house or plan a future with someone who was so financially irresponsible. I just couldn't think of them as a true partner if I couldn't trust them with important decisions.

Haffdonga - i found out as I saw it on his phone! A message came up on Facebook messenger and I looked at it. Honestly I feel he has been secretive with his phone lately so I had a look at the message. It was from a guy who was having a conversation with where he was asking the guy about what happens next...
From what I gather he's ' invested' and I use that word loosely £500 then a further £1500
And appears he done it months ago but I'm not sure. I only quickly looked as it was a long conversation between him and this guy and I was trying to read before he came back in the room!!!
But shameful for looking before anyone says anything, I'm glad I did. Knew something was up.
It was definitely bitcoin and definitely two transactions and wasn't years ago, was the last few months 😟
I'm serious about leaving btw
I'm gone...don't care what he says
I'm livid
It's raw I've left and I'm tempted not to go back tonight but I've no where to go

Bitcoin is also properly tanking so he’s totally thrown that £2k away

So sorry, I didn’t see your second post. I think you’re doing absolutely the right thing in leaving. Make sure you have everything sorted before you jump.

The fact that he lives with his DF, earns a good salary and has bugger all to pay back the £35 debt is irresponsible. Spending money that should have been towards your future home without telling you, well, I have no words for that one!

He doesn't sound like a sensible long term proposition from what you have said.

To confirm I have no issue with bitcoin compared to the £35k

The £35k was never a secret!
As I say it's taken a while for me to get my head around it but with working through his moods, seeing a financial advisor who has given us ME hope, his dad offering us a kind offer to save we are lucky! So the fact he has kept this from me yes I'm totally agreeing with you all !

This IS totally a deal breaker for me
Hence why I do not even want to go back 'Home' tonight and sitting in the services looking on right move
So no it doesn't sound harsh

His moods should have been enough to drive me away
But I've been in a bubble

Leave him ASAP! You will always doubt him and that’s no way to live.

At 38, with a debt of £35k, it's going to be hard for him to get a mortgage. Get out now.

To confirm he is paying the dmp back and a hefty monthly payment
But only coz his dad is in a position to let him live with him

He earns a good salary and with my salary and our prospects life should he good...but oh no
Lies...keeping this from me

This is the final straw for me

I can't afford to buy but that's ok
I'll go back to renting and keep saving until I can
I can't have my life with him

I do feel heartbroken but I know it's the right thing to do

you have dodged a bullet. thankfully you found our before you have not got any paperwork with the same address as this guy?

He can get a mortgage
We've been to see a mortgage advisor
That's not the problem

Most of the Bitcoin investments are pyramid schemes at the moment, so am willing to bet that is what he has got roped in to. Talk about throwing away his money.

Run for the hills. He is a moron.

The address makes so difference
Credit score isn't on the address it's the person
I know that from the previous tenant having debt collectors round and being reassured it's the person not the address
It's his dads address and he owns it outright - no mortgage
I have no joint bills with him
The utilities are all in his dads name
We don't pay him rent, he won't let us
Our deal is we pay for food for us all and boys here and there like take away etc
His dad is so lovely
But he wraps him in cotton wool

Mortgage advisors aren't always right....even if you could, you may not be offered the best products or interest rates.

All that aside, you are nuts to even consider such a financial commitment with this man. He has shown himself to be irresponsible with money, do you want to lose everything?

He's not bipolar is he?

I note you mention moods and the repeated failed businesses things reminds me of a friend of mine who is bipolar and his particular disorder manifests in manic episodes where he creates business after business and stays up like 20 hours a day 'working' on them (they never take off and then are forgotten about once the mania is over).

Probably not, but just something that occurred to me.

I agree with PP - he will bring you down. My best friend's dad is like this –constant schemes that always lose money, and it made her childhood very difficult. They never had any money and he was just completely feckless. And her poor mum spent years trying to hold the family together while he spent every penny they had on his 'dreams'.

Terry you obviously haven't read all the post
It doesn't mater if the mortgage advisor is right, we could and can get one and and yes it's an adverse credit one so 2% higher than the normal lenders because of his dmp
Fully aware of that, fully aware of the finance side of the mortgage
That's not even an option for me now !

my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.

I wouldn't be planning to get a mortgage with anyone I described like that.

I wouldn't even want to date them.

I think you're making the right choice.

Bitcoins tanked since Christmas, other crypto currencies are basically going belly up too.

Your doing the right thing.

No he's not bipolar, not that I'm aware of ?

That's awful. I don't want that life.

Im just saying it would have been possible to get one
We went for in depth financial advice !! And no it wasn't stopping me for the reasons I've already explained

As he's failed to improve and keeps making the same mistakes, that's why I'm done

Thanks everyone
Really appreciate it

Felt so unclear when I left
He was saying I wasn't understanding or supportive ?!

I am going back tonight. I won't talk to him about bit coin
Just going to get my ducks in a row and keep my cards close to my chest

Hope I find somewhere this time of year?

I've emailed 2 flats

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Does he know that something is up? This is a horrible position to be in right now but can you imagine if this had happened when you owned a property together? I think you've dodged a bullet. Doesn't make it feel any less rubbish though