Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on

Things shouldn't be a struggle in the early days. That's the honeymoon period, the best your relationship will ever be, when you are both trying to impress each other and be on your best behaviour.

You've had good advice on here and I'm glad you're leaving your partner.

The moods are a deal breaker, never mind the money stuff.

He won't affect my credit rating
We aren't financially linked
I have really good credit score
Something ive worked on since getting the financial advice
His will always be low because of the dmp
I told him yesterday we weren't compatible but he doesn't listen probably thinks I'll forget about it later

I wonder why his Dad is enabling him ? Does he feel guilty somehow ?

My Dad was brought up by his Dad as his mum was, 'over medicated.' My Grandad didn't feel the need to be giving my Dad money hand over fist as an adult. Even when my Grandad married my Dad's hated stepmother. My Dad got a job (which enabled him leaving home at the earliest opportunity), met my mum and the rest is history. Stepmother left the family home (which she owned) to her daughter.

Your soon to be ex-partner will never own his own home. Even if he inherits his Dad's house, he will lose that too. Time and again it will be someone else's fault. Until the day he dies.

Did you meet him just after a) breaking up with a different type of dickhead (serial cheater, violent)? Had you been surrounded by 'friends' constantly banging on about how dreadful it was that you were 'still' single? Or were all your friends marrying/having babies/buying property?

You sound so smart and together I'm wondering how/why you didn't see through this bellend a lot quicker. He is one of life's losers because he thinks other people owe him a living.

I have set up a few businesses that have not worked, and am pulling one together at the moment but I have always had other sources of income/jobs/tax credits. It's not wrong to want to work for yourself but you have to plan it carefully and be prepared to do it evenings/weekends for quite a while until you've built it up enough to make a living wage for yourself.

Nope none of the above
Just met him, and clicked and I have already explained all this
Didn't seem a deal breaker, it's only as time has gone on
When we've argued before and I've considered leaving he would beg me to stay, so I did. Rest is history anyway I know what I'm doing and I have a plan.
Yes I feel sad but I know I deserve better xxx

I told him yesterday we weren't compatible but he doesn't listen probably thinks I'll forget about it later

PLEASE be strong. Brace yourself for tears and tantrums. Prepare yourself for his Dad to be recruited into his, 'don't let her leave' campaign.

When he realises you are serious about leaving, he will probably undermine you as a person.

I will, this has done it for me
I can't keep giving him chances
His dads far too soft, doesn't see it.

Good grief why has he done that? crypto currency is currently about to drop out of its arse. Does he have a secret drug and guns habit?

Well done OP.
You have your head screwed on and you'll do great away from him.

Well done for knowing that you deserve better.

Most people when you first meet them don't say "Hiya, I'm Greg. I'm 38, live with my dad and pay no rent. I have £35K worth of debt and have several failed businesses behind me. I also have anger and mood problems. Oh, and I do coke".

All of this only becomes apparent later when you already have feelings for them.

That said, you have to learn from this experience. You've said a lot of stuff effectively saying that you thought that could turn him around so it is worth looking at where that comes from in you. It is classic rescuer behaviour and will lead to another damaging relationship if you don't acknowledge it.

The end of a relationship is obviously going to be upsetting. That is only natural so don't berate yourself at being upset for a while.

But you'll be fine in the end, you know you will. In your head it is already over.

www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=12165499

Because he doesn't want to get a boring mundane job earning rubbish money as he thinks he will never be debt free doing it that way ! I've said to him that's just to have the bare minimum bills paid THENook at the business..that's what I thought anyway
He thinks he can earn big chunks so he can be debt free one day
He said he will never will be debt free by getting a paye job
Hence why he's looking at different ways to earn money all the time
It's exhausting but like someone else said, we are in compatible
And maybe if I'm honest I've felt bad like I'm holding him back
He constantly says I'm not supportive

Sorry, should have said that link is about bitcoin at the moment

Mobey im another one who applauds your strength. Now you can see this man will never be the partner you want it is time to move on. Really well done for recognizing this, much better to be alone rather than badly accompanied. You will be free to meet someone who is a 1000x better for you.

And you have learned (much earlier in your life than I did) that financial stability and prudence is on your list of 'must haves' . Dont look back

You rock !

What's the latest OP with finding somewhere to move out to?

And maybe if I'm honest I've felt bad like I'm holding him back
He constantly says I'm not supportive

No one on their right mind should support their partner spending 2K on bit coin, when they already have 35K of debt. You aren’t holding him back, you can see he’s made a huge error and he can’t. That’s why you’re doing the right thing in leaving him to it.

It's him who is being unsupportive OP. You have helped him stop doing the coke and seeing a way to getting a mortgage. You have been very supportive by moving in with his dad (lots of people would never agree to that!) Yet he is still not including you about his (daft) investments and get-rich-quick schemes. You are so kindly showing him the way and he's still just doing his own thing. I know forklift drivers can earn a lot, why isn't that enough for him to concentrate on that for a bit? It's been exhausting for you. Stay strong.

Just to say the PP who thought he had children was perhaps because you said you bought takeaways for the boys.

Good luck OP move to a small place for a while to save up. A new start, in charge of your own money. Doesn't that sound nice?

Most people when you first meet them don't say "Hiya, I'm Greg. I'm 38, live with my dad and pay no rent. I have £35K worth of debt and have several failed businesses behind me. I also have anger and mood problems. Oh, and I do coke".

My version would be:-

First Impressions = single, young, good looking, charming, hard -working and recently promoted.

The Reality = newly separated?(although suspect overlap), immature, vain and needs constant female attention, con-artist, inconsistent and needs constant praise or loses motivation, can't handle pressure of extra responsibilities.

The first impressions tend to stick for ages because we don't want to be wrong.

I'm going to be completely honest here, gamblers like him, with this much debt and no desire to have a proper job, at heart, they are con artists, after the next go at making it rich.

I grew up with someone like this, don't believe your credit won't be affected, you know why? Because people like this will use your name to open new credit cards without you even knowing.
If you are saving for a mortgage together, then that's your credit tied in with his.

My Uncle did all of this and more to his own mother. He was highly intelligent (MENSA) and always thought he would win big. He remortgaged her house and raided her bank account and savings. Gamblers are selfish, you'll never come first and he'll never even think about you in his schemes.

For me, gamblers are a complete deal breaker, I would never be mixed up with them at all.

Don't tie yourself to this man, it'll only get worse as time goes by, you're better off on your own.

'Lady' ? Rude 🙁

Oh no, I got this thread mixed up with the gambling one.

Anyway, it still stands that he'll do shit with any money you have and is aggressive, so, no.

Great post shinywhiteteeth. I always think that if my H was single , ladies out there would think sexy job, decent looking, decent earner, good conversationalist, nice dresser, good hair, and indeed this is all true, The not quite so pleasant aspects are something that you only discover quite a way down the line and often when people have intertwined lives. I would say OP you are fundamentally not suited however much you like him, he's a big risk taker and you just are not comfortable with that

Thanks everyone
Look forward to reading properly later
Yeah sorry about that - meant bits n bobs not boys !!!
Lots of typos
X

So...I'm off to stay at my mums for the next few days and into the weekend
I have 2 viewings one Friday and one Saturday morning
I dont want to house share, I can afford a little flat so I've chosen it in a location nearer my mum
As I was quite far away before.
I'm feeling ok but i must admit because a lot of the advice on here.
It's been a long time coming.

We've spoken today and I've told him I'm staying at my mums and he said he thinks I should come home....I've kept contact limited because I don't want him trying to pursuade me x

That's sensible .

Give you both time to think.
Then you can talk with a calm / level head.
With support you can come from a place a strength. ( not angry/ disappointed etc. )