Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

I know a couple like this in their 70's. They have nothing because her dh lost everything over the years. It's so sad to see them.
She is still working, as a hairdresser and would love to retire.

35k debt is quite significant and the failed businesses would make me see him as a loser, the moods on top and any sane person would have been gone long ago.

Yes he knows somethings up, we argued before I left
He thinks it's because of the new business. He says I'm not interested and I looked bored when he talks about it so the argument started then. I was obviously found out about bitcoin minutes before so that was the reason I was pissed off but never told him I knew

Yes I suppose I guess I have just dealt with the historical debt and yes your right it's bad and yes he is just making mistake after mistake
Hence why I do not agree with this bloody business
He said something about sorry he's not a boring 9-5 office worker ?!

That is not what i was getting at all!! Like a pp said, it's not about being rich it's about being financially sound and he is NOT

Where he is older and at this age
It's too deep rooted, moods money
I guess he won't change
Dispute telling me he will

Shall I mention bitcoin ?
Obviously I've gone through his phone ?

I personally wouldn’t mention bitcoin-he’ll just change any argument to you snooping and won’t hear a word about if he’s wrong-just be happy you found it 😎

Leave him, you are obviously more than capable of saving and being sensible with cash-good for you! Save for your own place, your own independence and more importantly, your own happiness x

You, lady, are articulate, level-headed and decisive. I have so much admiration for the no-bullshit attitude you’re displaying! I know it feels raw now, but you are on the up..

Aww thank you my lovely.

That's what I'm thinking...I'm angry about bitcoin but what's the point. It will be MY fault for looking at his phone
For the record I don't normally go through his phone, just was so curious who this Andrew guy was!
We both know each other's passcode and will use others phone if it's closer...not that I'm excusing snooping as I was !

Feel better. It's like a weight has been lifted in a way as I just KNEW something was up. Gut instinct

Don't let on you know, he will turn it against you. If he cannot come clean of his own volition you have your answer.

If he had invested before you had moved in, then I guess it wouldn’t be so bad as your lives weren’t combined. However, as he invested the money as you were planning to live together, then that’s despicable. Investments like that should be discussed as it affects both of you.

What gets me, it was months ago so he's lied and kept this secret. The conversation was long and recent messages to this guy.

Dickhead...sold me a dream
Delivered a nightmare
What a waste of 3 years

That's the thing I couldn't quite work out if it was before but he's still not told me about it and been secretive with his phone as this guy was messaging him last few days...there were loads so he obviously didn't want to tell me

So I've just pulled up....going to try not talk as go to bed as up early
Heads a bit frazzled

Save yourself a lifetime of misery and leave him to his get rich quick schemes.

Good luck OP, I'm glad you can see the situation for what it really is.

The bitcoin is just the final straw, you have enough reasons to leave without bringing this up.

Op you are really doing the right thing.
Stick to what you know is right for you,be true to yourself.
I met the man of my dreams at 36, you have plenty of time x

So...I'm in, he's sulking.
His poor dad looked so awkward and has gone up to bed.
He tells me I've acted like a child and is in a terrible mood.....
I wish I never came back
I was half worried incase he tried to talk to me but oh no, HEs annoyed

Don't stay with him or he'll pull you down with him.
You'll be poor forever if you don't leave him.

If he hasn't been honest with you whilst saving for a house he won't be when you have one. Run for the hills! If he doesn't tell you about 2k when saving for a house what else is he not telling you about?

The older I get the more I think it's so important to be with someone who is financially sound - not rich, but not bloody stupid with money

Yes, this. I've watched my mum struggle for the last 40+ years with my dad and his fecklessness. He just doesn't seem to be able to understand money and my mum is somehow always the one bailing him out and paying off his debts.

I don't want someone rich but I do want someone who understands how money works, who understands that having £3k available on a credit card does not mean you have £3k, it means you have £3k of potential debt (more, with interest). You cannot have peace of mind with someone who continually runs up debts when a bit of sense would avoid them.

You're doing the right thing OP. Between that and his moods, it will be miserable for you.

Even if he was good with money and had no debt I would still be at choosing now to start a new business. Even if he had a history of successful business ventures! Now is not the time to be starting a business. Buying a new house in a time of economic uncertainty is the time to knuckle down and take low risk options, surely? Sort the deposit out, get some more savings behind you, then look at businesses etc.

All irrelevant because he isn't good with money. He does have debt. And he hasn't made a success of any previous businesses. Sorry but he is a liability.

He sounds draining to be in a relationship with.

If you don't leave him, at least make sure any property you buy is in your name only... or he'll end up taking money out against it

As his Dad is letting you live there FOC, I'd carry on for a while and tolerate the situation for a few weeks so you can save a bit more for yourself to then move on.

Is there a chance you could talk to the dad without your dp being around? He seems a decent enough chap from what you've said. He probably doesn't know about the bitcoin either.

Thing is, everything everyone has said I've had that exact argument with him..so it's nice to hear it's not just me ' against ' him like he accuses me of. He says this is the exact reason why he is starting this business because it was get his debts paid off and getting a ' normal' job isn't going to get his debts paid off
But it's his mind set....he's a dreamer and tried so many things now that even if this does take off
At what detriment?

Anyway all is irrelevant

I don't want this life....he's literally not talking to me???? He probably won't know for a day or so

Thanks for helping me see things clearly. Really helps to talk x

Well done Mobey it sounds like you know what you're doing and you know what you want. Don't waste any more time with this guy. He is 38, you are so much younger and in such a better position than he will ever be. Don't sell yourself short and stay with someone. There IS better out there. Imagine yourself dating a guy who is financially sound, who is in a position to buy with you and not start off in horrible debt. It's also not even that debt but the fact he is now keeping secrets from you. Can you imagine if you had kids? Imagine him investing money secretly. Plus, this is just one tiny bit of snooping you did, if he can lie about this, what else can he lie about?

When I left my ex of 8 years I didn't even explain why I was leaving. As i've learnt over the years, there is no point explaining why you are leaving someone unless you want to change them and have them become a better person for you. If you are totally done and know they won't change (like he won't), it's best to just walk away.