Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

You said way upthread about how much you’ve invested in the relationship. Often when people say this they get themselves caught up in the sunken costs. Glad to see to see you aren’t. I hope you find somewhere nice to live.

The business is a cleaning business - he's got one contract to start in the new year. So building on from that but I know nothing about business but from his past experience it feels to me he is all over the place
Like someone else said earlier, get sorted, save THEN start a business
Which is why i said why not get a paye job then revisit visit the business later which is what we agreed
But again like someone said we went along with that and still carried on regardless
That's his choice but my choice is leaving him
I've woken up to ' im sorry '
He leaves early for work - 4am

His job - agency forklift operator
Which is very good money! Because it's agency and he can choose his days
But he will not get a paye job he is self employed so he can off set the mileage and claim vat

You're brilliant OP and so right to get out of this situation once and for all.

Someone mentioned the Freedom Programme, I haven't had the privilege of taking it myself, it would have really helped me in my youth, but I'm not certain if you need it, OP, because you see when a situation is a hide onto nothing and get your ducks in a row and cut out. IMHO, the Freedome Programme is to help people to be more like you.

He told you he hasn’t had it easy but he’s dad has constantly supported him 😳 how much easier does he want it?!? My dad would never have given me that much money! He knew you were saving up and moving in and he did what he wanted by spending 2 grand. He can’t be trusted. Get out now before you waste any more of your life

I looked at the link but I'm not going to do that yet..might be helpful but as you say I have a plan and unless I was contemplating hearing him out, which I am not, then at the moment have to put my energy into moving.
I've said before all the things I did last night as he did and he always thinks I'll come round. He's never actually that sorry, that's the best apology I'll get. Later he will forgot everything said even though I've made it clear my intentions and thoughts on his business, it's him that's led me down the garden path not me not ' being supportive'
Thanks for everyone's posts, really helped me out yesterday xxx

To clarify ' had it bad '
He lost his mum when he was young, went through 3 rounds of ivf, lost his wife due to the failed business and his moods, has anger problems because of it all
When I met him he was honest about it all and I had admiration for him as I thought he sorted the anger ( a few sessions here and there )
But he hadn't at all
If I met someone now I would be more picky so the signs were there but I thought I'd turn his life around as he said he never met anyone like me and he was happy ? Obviously not
He did coke when I met him too
Something he stopped for me
As it was a dealbreaker
So as I say I feel I've invested and spent my love and time but it's always a battle with one thing or another

He's one of those people who's always too good for PAYE work. I've run my own business and worked way more hours than when I've PAYE jobs, it's not a get out because you don't want to work. I'm glad you are getting away from him. He will never change. He feels hard done by and will always expect others to support him. What a loser.

Plenty of people have had a rough ride in life. MANY. But it's not an excuse to duck out of life. And you are worth so much more. Do not fall for the sunken cost fallacy.

It's so he can choose days to work on this business and before he never used to put his tax by?! So he had a huge bill but that was a couple of years ago
Who knows if he's still putting away money
Probably not

When you start your own business, you work all the hours god sends to get it off the ground, you work round your clients because they're paying your bills. He's just an irresponsible, feckless manchild.

He's not putting away money because that's someone else's job in his eyes.

Cleaning is really hard work and very low margin. If he's working as a cleaner himself he won't get much more than £10ph, if he's employing others he'll not cover his own salary on top until the business is quite established and even then the margins are tight.

Claiming mileage and VAT? He's VAT registered as a fork lift driver? Who needs that level of hassle!
I have my own business but am flat rate VAT so it's easy to do but I don't make any money from it now they've changed the scheme.

I'm afraid he sounds like a fantasist.

Did he ever show you how much money he'd saved, to match your £6k. Or was he expecting you to save all the deposit?

Can you be a director of a business with a dmp or is that only affected by bankruptcy?

You are so switch on OP and he clearly is not.

Dh was/is shit with money but he knows it and so we have joint accounts for everything, he keeps within a spending limit and we always talk about any “big” spending. He’s also a very good entrepreneur, set up how own business at 31. But he worked at his PAYE job for 12 months during the day, then worked very early morning/evening and weekends to set up his new business.

Your ex has no common sense and never will have. It’s all very well taking risks but you a) need some security behind you and b) need your life partner on board before you spend savings. Doing anything else is stupidity.

You’re so doing the right thing in leaving this relationship.

He has children, so even more of a financial responsibility.
He needs to grow up but is unwilling to do so.

Fair play for being so firm on it.

I would 100% move out before Christmas if you can.
It will be great to start the new year afresh and leave it behind.

The thing about investing time is that it isn't like investing money. If you save money you still have it; if you lose it you have at least a chance to get more. Time just spends itself at a steady rate for ever, and can never be regained. If you hadn't spent those three years with this man they'd still be used up. Thank goodness you're determined not to give away any more of it on Mr Mean Moody and Magnificent. Fair enough to give a fellow human being a chance to prove they've learned from their mistakes. Chance blown. Time to move on.

XH used to say, whilst pottering about with his hobby business, that "you never make money working for someone else". In vain did I point out that he wasn't making any as it was (I tried not to say it too often, of course, as that would be cruel and demotivating, but sometimes it riled me too much, especially when he was moaning about how little money we had). He also suggested in all seriousness that I should give up my job and live on benefits, because he saw a programme on the telly in which... you get the picture. He too, as a pp said, thought that the credit balance on a credit card was the same as money in the bank. I don't know how some people function as grown-ups at all.

Just a thought but you may want to get some advice on separating your finances post-split to reduce the risk of his financial chaos affecting your credit rating etc.

With everything you've found out, and yes is he saving for his tax bill? Is he investing in a pension? He's 38. He says he's had it hard but his dad gives him money and lets him live rent free and is enabling his head in the clouds thinking.

Glad you're getting out OP. You sound sensible and smart

And he's got kids, too? Please, take a step back from dating. You're single and childfree, you don't need some manchild with all this baggage.

OP I have a relative exactly like this. A qualified tradesman but a frustrated entrepreneur. Always shelling out for some poorly thought out business/get rich quick scheme. He's now had 3 failed "businesses" and is working on his next great idea .....it's so ridiculous I really want to say but it's just too outing!! Irony is his business attempts are never anything to do with his actual skilled trade!!
For me it would be the fear of thinking nothing is ever going to be enough for him. People who have succeeded against the odds have worked their arses off to get there ' think branson, sugar etc.. paper rounds, market stalls, all hours of the day and night etc. His refusal to work as you suggested shows him to be a dreamer rather than having real business potential.....nothing wrong with that per se .....But he's getting into huge debt to do it which would be a deal breaker for me.

You are doing the right thing, get out as soon as you can.

Don’t tell him you know about the bitcoin and try to get him to agree with you. Just say that you have decided you are incompatible and it’s not working for you any more.

Yes, you do sound smart and sensible, but that is why I am surprised why you hooked up together with this man in the first place. The moods? how did you even think you could spend a lifetime dealing with those? You are doing the right thing, but do not hang around and draw things out if possible.

I lived with someone like this for4 years, extremely champagne tastes, beer money wages, he too was into get rich quick stuff , mainly because he only wanted to work till 3pm every day!! I had a very good job at the time and in the end realised his indulgences were being funded by me!

No he doesn't have children ? That was mis read somewhere

You're surprised I hooked up with him? I'm sorry but I thought I explained the reasons why I did?!
Isn't hind sight a wonderful thing?

Obviously it's been building up over time and yes I stayed for the wrong reasons, I love him and behind his faults when it's good it's amazing but that's not real life I know

Re his job, he's vat and ltd registered for HIS company
The same company he has had a few years trying different things so he invoices the agency for the forklift and also over work he does for them. Driving etc but he takes home £800-1000 on a good week but that's every waking hour, then he has a few days off the next to work on the business and then takes home £200-300 the next
He picks as chooses because of the business not coz he's lazy incase I didn't make that clear.
He is also putting money but not as much as me
So that's how he got the bitcoin money I guess

Also yes he can be a director with a dmp, he just needs to complete an assessment form annually

He pays £280 a month for that
But that differs with his income