Just moved in with partner and found out this...

[mobey]

So I've upped and moved in with my partner and his dad
We did it to save for a mortgage
His dad travels a lot for work has a big space so it seemed ideal
Until now .....
Been together 3 yrs
Been a struggle as he has moods which he's been trying to work on
Thought by moving in we would have less money worries
Anyway just found out tonight he has invested £2k into bitcoin?
Don't know much about it other than my partner has a debt of 35k and is always looking for get rich quick schemes.
Failed businesses, borrowed money if his dad who seems to hand it out willy billy and £35k later he now wants to start another business with his friend ?!

We've argued tonight because he says I'm not supportive of this business and I need to believe in him
But I've moved in with him, upped and moved my life by selling most of the things in my flat (had a 8 month plan to buy a little house somewhere) and now I feel trapped

He doesn't know I know about bit coin
He says he can do his current job around the business but I don't think he can
He's stressed, tired and I can see since moving in with him he's just doing what he wants to do

Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling very alone please help

I want to move ASAP because I feel if I can move before Xmas that would be the best thing for me, do you not think? Why pro long it?

I've talked to his dad before
But he always makes excuses
He says he's tired and over worked when he is in these moods

Spot on!!! I guess I've been there and done that, given him a chance to change and he hasn't

I do feel for his dad, he's been soo good to me

Oh god don't I feel sick to my stomach to think what else......

He is financially irresponsible and ALWAYS will be. He is not very grown up regarding money.

It won't be long before he's coming to you with a sob story about why he wants you to bail him out, because he knows you've got money i.e. your savings.

He's got a 35k debt. It's unlikely you would get a mortgage while that is outstanding. Unless you agree to wipe out the debt with part of the mortgage. So less money to buy a house with.

He's totally ignoring me but walking around the house humming....never ever heard him hum before...he's making these little ' Dee Dee Dee ' noises and humming like he's in this really good mood???

Ignore him, can you LTB and go to family or a friend tomorrow whilst he's at work. If he's hidden bitcoin what else has he hidden.

His dad has been nice to you as he probably thinks you'll take him off his hands!!

Wait until the excuses regarding why he hasn't saved this week/this month start coming.

Then the sulking/tantruming/insults will come.

You're tight. You're obsessed with money. You ruin his dreams. You don't trust him etc etc etc.

You mean put on 'cool' act ?

He's putting on a display of I'm ok, you can't get me. (Because he knows he's in trouble/done wrong and refuses to be accountable.)

Imagine him doing this when you're holding a tired hungry screaming baby and the baliffs are at the door because the rent or mortgage hasn't been paid in months.

I think there are two categories of people:

• People who think: how can I win or acquire ten grand with little or no effort; and
• People who think: how can I save ten grand by modifying my current behaviour/working hard/being sensible

Fact is your partner is in the first category and you are in the second, and while some people do win or get money from random sources, most don’t and never learn

My friend thinks he's massively insecure ?
I can't see it
I just think he's a bit of a loose cannon
He did tell me he had it hard growing up and always felt he hasn't ' had it easy '
I thought when we met he could turn his life around a bit
But lately I feel I've put my feelings aside

I don't like the sound of the way that he sulks, is moody and puts the blame on you. Red flags!

He's a gambler at heart and will probably gamble on such things as Bitcoin or 'get rich quick' schemes in the future - as long as Dad and his girlfriend can bail him out. Your plans and dreams for a home aren't his priority.

You've got your head screwed on. He has lost your trust. He is a pain in the arse to live with. You have totally different attitudes to financial security. He's betrayed your trust and is to blame for the break down in this relationship.

Don't look back.

I had to deal with the consequences of my Ex's overspending and stupid decisions around money. He had his family to pay his share of the debts and house him for free.

It took me years to recover financially from the relationship. I would never make that mistake again.

No point talking to his dad, except maybe to explain why you're leaving, but only once you've got somewhere to go. And yes, if I were you I'd want to get out as soon as I could, no point prolonging the misery for everyone. Good luck, you deserve so much better than this.

The bitcoin investment, not sure that that is so awful, but 35k debt would terrify me.

Well, that could have been £33k of debt couldn't it, if he has £2k to throw into a pointless ponzi scheme.

You’re doing the right thing.

His ‘not talking to you’ is a blessing in disguise, at least he’s not trying to talk you around.

I know you’ve sold some stuff (a real shame) but where is the rest of your stuff? Could you look at a house share or place to lodge short term while you think about ‘what next’? Seems like an ideal time to re-evaluate your life rather than get tied into a rental and buying more stuff?!

Use your £6k to walk away from this train wreck of a financial future OP

Oh, god, he sounds like a whining man child victim. Nothing is ever his fault, everyone is against him. It sounds like his dad has been really nice to him, so he can’t have had that bad a childhood. I don’t think this is the man for you, OP. You can definitely do better.

Get out before he talks you into getting stuff in your name....

He sounds like he is stuck about the age of 14, an over grown man child and his DF enabling the entire mess.

Does he actually have a legitimate job?

Has he ever lived on his own?

In the 3 years that you've known him, how much has he actually paid towards the 35k debt and how much has be actually saved for anything?

And yes, it has nothing to do with being rich or poor, but integrity and maturity. He could clean loos and have the values of working hard, saving, being responsible for himself, etc.

What is the business he is starting? Is it something with a reasonable chance of success, or is it 'I know, we'll be the new Uber/Amazon/Facebook' or similar?

He sounds just like a relative of mine. Quick rich schemes that never work (never his fault though). His wife is in her 50s working to keep herself and him without the prospect of ever owning their own home again and he's still always on the lookout for his next scheme. Also ended up nearly costing his enabling mother her house.

Run a million miles.

You are 30. Get out now and take back your life. It is the right decision. Forget the 3 years you wasted. You can make it back with someone far more suitable and lovely as a life partner.

Yup, definitely run. You sound smart and sensible. There are plenty of men out there - and, TBH, there are much worse things than being single. Being with an inadequate man is one of them.

Can you get a room in a shared house to get out faster?

If you’re completely honest, he sold you a dream because you were in the market for one. Almost all the responsible financial decisions have been at your insistence, he went along with it to keep you quiet.

He is a man child and man children always have an excuse for every aspect of their behaviour. You, just like his Dad, bought into the excuses because it’s easier than accepting that the person you love is immature.

Disengage from this idiot and get the hell out and thank your lucky stars you didn’t tie yourself financially to this feckless man.